what can I do to improve

[pooker]

Ok I have never dated anyone, and have a bad problem with shaking in general in public. I dont talk in class because and I always wear dark jackets to reduce my possibility of being noticed and to hide myself in class. My social life is... well there is none. I have no verbal skills and can shake really bad. Normally I wouldn't post stuff like this on a forum but nothing else works. The few times people do say anything to me besides my older friends its things like "your scrawny or weird" or something to that ill effect. I have a in general non-caring attitude about it outwardly, but on the inside it bothers me. I know if I let people know what they say to me that it bothers me it would just instigate more of this drama of adolescent humiliation. I am not blaming anybody for the way I am though or society, I know I am weird etc but I post this because I would like your help.

There is this girl I like and I need help with my physical appearance beacause I am lacking socially. What would you change about me?

i88.photobucket.com/albums/k188/bigboi69_2006/me3(dot)jpg
i88.photobucket.com/albums/k188/bigboi69_2006/me(dot)jpg

Here is some pics after I started working out I know I am still scrawny but I lost weight and feel better. If you are wondering why I am trying to improve physically to impress her, its because of a few reasons.

1. I heard being fit improves your social stamina
2. (laugh at this if you want) But I attend anime conventions where a bunch of people dress up as there favorite anime character, I in particular love cosplaying one who displays an open chest- pretty much topless.
3. I am hoping if I can someone improve physically, my social retardation might go unnoticed.
since I cannot post urls here they are remove the dot with .
i88.photobucket.com/albums/k188/bigboi69_2006/me1(dot)jpg
i88.photobucket.com/albums/k188/bigboi69_2006/me2(dot)jpg


I dont really care if the comments are harsh but atleast offer some kind of improvement I need that is realistic, I.E. telling me I am ugly and that I should get a new face would not be nice in my opinion. Telling me I am ugly and I should cut my hair to some style on the other hand does benefit me to an extent.

Thanks

[Tone]

You look like a cool kid.

If I could change anything about you I would say don't be so hard on yourself.

[n2u4reelguy]

you have to really appreciate you before anyone else can. no one's perfect and we all have our own stuff to deal with; take care of you 1st; it's ur best move

[Aegis]

As someone who shamelessly makes judgements about others before he meets them, I'd say you look just fine, other than the longer, moppy-type hair is a style I kind of associate with the "emo" label, and there's the whole host of stereotypes packaged along with that label. It looks like your natural hair color though, that's probably a random coincidence. I'd try to reign in the hair to give it some look of structure, but that's just nitpicking, to be honest. You look pretty normal.

lol, the "Ask a female forum" and the first 3 responses he gets are from guys. The women'll swing by later at the more normal times of the day :p

[starbuck]

Ok I have never dated anyone, and have a bad problem with shaking in general in public. I dont talk in class because and I always wear dark jackets to reduce my possibility of being noticed and to hide myself in class. My social life is... well there is none. I have no verbal skills and can shake really bad. Normally I wouldn't post stuff like this on a forum but nothing else works. The few times people do say anything to me besides my older friends its things like "your scrawny or weird" or something to that ill effect. I have a in general non-caring attitude about it outwardly, but on the inside it bothers me. I know if I let people know what they say to me that it bothers me it would just instigate more of this drama of adolescent humiliation. I am not blaming anybody for the way I am though or society, I know I am weird etc but I post this because I would like your help.

There is this girl I like and I need help with my physical appearance beacause I am lacking socially. What would you change about me?

i88.photobucket.com/albums/k188/bigboi69_2006/me3(dot)jpg
i88.photobucket.com/albums/k188/bigboi69_2006/me(dot)jpg

Here is some pics after I started working out I know I am still scrawny but I lost weight and feel better. If you are wondering why I am trying to improve physically to impress her, its because of a few reasons.

1. I heard being fit improves your social stamina
2. (laugh at this if you want) But I attend anime conventions where a bunch of people dress up as there favorite anime character, I in particular love cosplaying one who displays an open chest- pretty much topless.
3. I am hoping if I can someone improve physically, my social retardation might go unnoticed.
since I cannot post urls here they are remove the dot with .
i88.photobucket.com/albums/k188/bigboi69_2006/me1(dot)jpg
i88.photobucket.com/albums/k188/bigboi69_2006/me2(dot)jpg

Pooker, I have to say, you can work on your physique all you want, but if you don't work on your self-confidence at the same time, you'll be doing yourself an injustice. Physical fitness is great, but you might find better results if you work on the inside as well as the outside.

Why do you shake? Is it a physical ailment? Or nerves? Nerves can be overcome. Public speaking class, psychotherapy, etc.,

You're cute, and you look like the type that those cosplay/anime chicks would go for, so I'd say you're barking up the right tree there.

[miSSleepy]

There's nothing wrong with you. You're the most normal looking guy. And you have a good chest Seriously, I'm not saying it to please you, but you're a cutie, and on your looks alone you wouldn't have trouble getting a girl's attention.

But you MUST work on yourself, your confidence and this fear you have. Maybe you're even verging on agoraphobia, have you thought of that? You need to understand that your attitude shapes how people interact with you (or don't). I don't know what the psychologists are like where you live, but if you do have some sort of clinical phobia it's a good idea to see one because it won't go away on its own if you don't know how to overcome it.

[pooker]

Thanks guys it makes me feel better, I know I have a social problem but I am working on it. I am hoping maybe she can be my social outlet if we ever get together? I feel like I can really open up to her, when I see her just thinking about even holding her hand makes me believe I could be the happiest person in the world. I dont want to go to a physchiatrist though , not that I dont think it can help me its just money, and I dont want to be on meds or anything because some of them I hear really change people and I would rather have my social phobia then feel different from who I am every morning. I guess it is nerves the reason why I shake so bad, but it is really at a bad point, I get the feeling everyone is laughing at me more the more I do it which just brings on the nervousness and shakiness more.
remove (dot) and place .
i88.photobucket.com/albums/k188/bigboi69_2006/1285039(dot)jpg


Here is the girl I like, and when I say like I am head over heals. I am so distraught, I dont know how I would deal with rejection and I dont know how to approach her. The reason I posted this is because they say looks are what reels them in, I feel if she could get to know me she would really like me and we could be good together. I dont want the first thing her to say is "eww look at that weirdo or something", generally these things would not bother me because I have heard them before but for some reason this girl is different. I feel like I could have a social breakdown if I do not get to know her, I am attracted to girls but this is a different feeling. I just want her to recognize my existence and I would feel so much better. If she rejected me I dont know how I would handle it because one of my motivating factors everyday is the chance we can meet again.

[anachronistic]

Well you clearly have different personalities based on your appearances. If she judges you for that though, is she really worth it? Not in my opinion.

[pooker]

to me she is, I mean I cannot blame someone for not being attracted to someone for their looks. Its not being superficial its just human nature, but she is really nice. I know she would never blatantly make fun of me or anything, she is a really good person I know it. I guess I am facing a complex between not feeling adequate enough to be noticed by her, and at the same time refusing to except that our relationship could never be. If you guys have ever felt love before this is what I am going through, I am willingly to do anything to get noticed. She is also cosplaying Amane Misa in that picture so its not how she really dresses just like I dress up similar to that sometimes, its what I like about her because she is open and she is everything I am, and at the same time everything I want to be. I try to control these feelings but its hard, I do not want to be portrayed as a stalker or anything but its hard when you feel like this.

[starbuck]

I know it's a cliche, but it's not good to put all your eggs in one basket. Plus, it's *your* heart that is here on the line. Honestly, instead of asking yourself are you good enough for her, you should be asking, is she good enough for you?

You two look like you'd make a cute couple

[anachronistic]

to me she is, I mean I cannot blame someone for not being attracted to someone for their looks. Its not being superficial its just human nature, but she is really nice. I know she would never blatantly make fun of me or anything, she is a really good person I know it. I guess I am facing a complex between not feeling adequate enough to be noticed by her, and at the same time refusing to except that our relationship could never be. If you guys have ever felt love before this is what I am going through, I am willingly to do anything to get noticed. She is also cosplaying Amane Misa in that picture so its not how she really dresses just like I dress up similar to that sometimes, its what I like about her because she is open and she is everything I am, and at the same time everything I want to be. I try to control these feelings but its hard, I do not want to be portrayed as a stalker or anything but its hard when you feel like this.

I didn't mean to make you all flustered.

My point is this: don't beat yourself over your appearance. Be proud of it. If she's not going to date you because you don't wear striped socks or don't dye your hair pink, then she is an idiot. A relationship like that is like diving into a puddle.

Now just ask her on a date and see what happens. Don't give your hopes up if she says no; thank your lucky stars.

[pooker]

I know it's a cliche, but it's not good to put all your eggs in one basket. Plus, it's *your* heart that is here on the line. Honestly, instead of asking yourself are you good enough for her, you should be asking, is she good enough for you?

You two look like you'd make a cute couple

haha wow thanks that makes me feel good about myself that last part you said. Imagination is going wild

I didn't mean to make you all flustered.

My point is this: don't beat yourself over your appearance. Be proud of it. If she's not going to date you because you don't wear striped socks or don't dye your hair pink, then she is an idiot. A relationship like that is like diving into a puddle.

Now just ask her on a date and see what happens. Don't give your hopes up if she says no; thank your lucky stars.

I understand what you are saying and I didnt mean to get flustered ^^

[anachronistic]

Ahh it's okay. We all go through this process. It's called turning into a man.

It puts hair on your chest

[pooker]

I agree I think I see a few sprigs popping up now lol. She accepted my myspace friends request and I sent her a message telling her I thought she was the greatest cosplayer ever, she said she wished she could of talked to me

[NeoSeminole]

I will provide some constructive criticism. This is coming from a guy who once was not unlike you and now gets noticed a lot by girls.

1) cut your hair shorter. Longer hair works for some guys but not you. Your face already looks feminine and the hair just makes you look like a dyke. I suggest going with a contemporary hair cut for males such as the fauxhawk. It's youthful, stylish, and will get you noticed more by girls compared to most guys who have the same, boring haircuts.

2) put on some muscle. Sorry, but having the frail body of a 12 yr old is not attractive to girls. Maybe some? Yes, but then I question their mental stability. You should be eating as much as possible, and then eat some more. I don't mean adding an extra slice of turkey to your sandwich. You need to eat two sandwiches or eat two bowls of cereal at one sitting. When I am bulking up, I will cook a whole box of pasta for dinner. Also, get your ass inside of a gym. Your mentality should be to try and build as much muscle as quickly as you can. Start doing heavy compound exercises like bench presses, squats, military presses, deadlifts, and cleans.

3) buy some nice clothes. Although you may not care about the way you dress, girls definitely pay attention to what you wear. Invest in some polos, button down shirts, vintage jeans, and dress shoes. If money is an issue, then buy items when they are on sale. I never pay full price for clothes. You can also try stores that buy name brands and sell them for less such as Ross.

4) start talking to people, especially girls. You may feel very awkward at first but you will get used to it after a while. The only way to become good at something is to practice it. Being successful with girls is no different. The longer you wait to begin socializing with people, the more difficult it will become later in life. I didn't talk to girls until college and had a hard as hell time approaching them or asking them out. However, it got easier with time. The better you become, the more confident and relaxed you will be around girls. They will sense this and become more attracted to you.

bleh, I could go on but I'm tired of typing. Hope this helps.