Honeymoon effect?

[atslowspeed55]

You know that thing when you first start dating someone?
How do you reignite that again?
I've been with my boyfriend for a year,
just curious if there is even a way to reignite it.

[vashti]

If there is, I don't know anyone who has been able to figure it out...

A lot of that feeling is based on the newness of the reationship, and after a year, it just isn't new anymore.

Sorry.

[lesa]

When dating keep the mind-set as if it was the beginning of the relationship. Wine and dine and go out. Also, be spontaneous and unpredictable sometimes.
I can do it but the trick is how do you keep this feeling in the partner. That is the thrill. I work on that and it is fun.

[bluesummer]

I've been with my bf for almost a year now. I never felt that initial 'rush' when dating him because I've dated so many people I kept my feelings for him very reserved right from the get go, and I think that is a key factor.

We keep little rituals between us to maintain closeness....we try and do things together at home like cook dinner, or fold laundry. It's not 'exciting' maybe, but it helps me stay close to him and really love him for being such a great partner.

[Jbleezyj]

Don't make the relationship become a routine.
Be spontaneous.
Surprise the person with something just because.
Your partner would have to put in the same effort but I wouldn't tell them to do so it just won't make the same feeling.
I don't know if it will ever be like it was in the beginning just because as you two grow together the more comfortable you get and the less feeling of excitement there is between the two. Let's just say your passed the infatuation phase.
Though I think you could rekindle those feelings on occasion. Everyone wishes they could have that feeling of infatuation as they did in the beginning forever.

[mtinlove]

I agree with being spontaneous. I actually recently was in the same position. Just celebrated my year anniversary with my man a month ago. We were hot and heavy in the beginning of our relationship and it slowed, but this was because of many stressors, school, work changes, our zoo, etc. Well a couple months ago I pretty much started initiating sex, and now we are back into our "cant keep our hands off each other" state.

[bluesummer]

If you were in a good relationship, you would just naturally do spontaneous nice things for each other. It wouldn't be a 'nice idea' that you thought up to try and bring spark back into your relationship. Maybe if you were already doing this on a regular basis, your relationship wouldn't seem so blah. Just a thought.

You should try and do things together that are new or out of the ordinary, too. Try a new restaurant, or a different cuisine. Take a class together and learn something new and fun.....or go skydiving together or something. Something exhilirating and fun that you do together will get you fired up and make you want to go home and **** like rabbits.

[lesa]

I am backwards from the norm. I become more excited and less reserved after being in the relationship longer. But I am an introvert so that may have something to do with it. I am always doing something different. Keep you partner guessing and excited to be with the unique and exhilarating partner that you are. Never have the relationship stay in a rut--not even when you are 80!

[GrkScorp]

You know that thing when you first start dating someone?

You mean the non-stop stream of sex.., where you're going at it twice a day (Mon-Thurs.) 4 times a day on Fri.., and where you lose count over the weekend? Or are you talking about the feeling you have when you're first with that person?

How do you reignite that again?

You can't.., but you can maintain what's left of it.., so make sure.., that the initial honeymood period counts.., make it count..

I just want to give credit to lesa and Blue for mentioning spontaneity and group activities.., both are really important.., little rituals between the two of you.., I think the one thing that held me and my ex of 3 years together was watching Bollywood movies and cooking together.., it was time for "us".., and that's important.., also.., something out of the ordinary.., (not ALWAYS the way to go.., only because some people.., guys and girls.., really are conservative and more mellow.., so they grow comfortable with a routine.., I don't.., but some people really do)

Are you ready for the last thing? That's right.., sex

I know what you're thinking.., (but GrkScorp.., there's more to a relationship than just sex).., yes.., that's true.., but sex is also part of a relationship.., and a very big part of a relationship.., (but GrkScorp.., sex is not an issue.., we have enough sex).., again.., it's not about the quantity or quality.., but the level of intimacy..

Have you ever had sex.., but not felt intimate? For the guys out there.., have you ever just spent all day.., either late on a Friday night.., or on the weekend.., just doing nothing all day.., but being alone in the house together.., naked.., but not having sex.., just together.., naked.., next to each other.., hugging each other.., talking.., flirting.., kissing.., being childish and playful.., tender and sensual.., romantic and passionate.., but not having sex? And obviously.., you do end up having sex.., but when you do.., is it jackhammer sex.., or is it a very intimate and sensual bonding experience between the two of you? You'll find that the two of you will start to feel that level of closeness once more as you start to become more intimate with each other.., as your intimacy grows.., and as you have more "intimate" sex..

Best,

GrkScorp

[atslowspeed55]

But the thing is - he and I are waiting to have sex. We are just happy to be in love with each other and hoping to someday marry and then share an intimate connection on our wedding night.

[GrkScorp]

But the thing is - he and I are waiting to have sex. We are just happy to be in love with each other and hoping to someday marry and then share an intimate connection on our wedding night.

Fine.., if that's what you both believe in and both want to do..

But intimacy is NOT limited to "sex".., you can still be intimate with someone.., although not as much.., but still very intimate.., without actually having "sex"

Just because the two of you have both made the choice to wait until marriage to have "sex".., doesn't mean that you should both have to wait until marriage to be "intimate" with each other..

Something as simple as sitting on a big couch together.., both lying down or you resting on top of him.., holding each other.., and watching a couple of movies until you both go to sleep.., it could go a long way..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Mish]

There is also a lot of intimacy in validation. Telling your partner how amazing they are and how happy you feel when you are when with them every once in awhile can really go a long way.

[mtinlove]

bluesummer if your comment about if you were in a good relationship you would naturally do spontaneous things was toward what i had said then maybe you need to rethink what yoiu say.... We do spontaneous things...they just dont always happen to be sexual since our relationship is not based on sex.... but thanks for your un needed shitty opinion I find it amusing that you dont think stresses of life when extreme cause problems in the bedroom... maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationships because you sound like you base them on sex Thanks

[Cain]

bluesummer if your comment about if you were in a good relationship you would naturally do spontaneous things was toward what i had said then maybe you need to rethink what yoiu say.... We do spontaneous things...they just dont always happen to be sexual since our relationship is not based on sex.... but thanks for your un needed shitty opinion I find it amusing that you dont think stresses of life when extreme cause problems in the bedroom... maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationships because you sound like you base them on sex Thanks

I believe bluesummer's post was directed at the OP.

And I don't know why stress caused you to stop having sex. Sex has always been a great way to relieve stress with me.

[lesa]

If the stressors are bad enough it can sometimes hinder sexual intimacy.