Lost and struggling..

[toodlesoodles]

My girlfriend of 1 and 2/3 years ended it with me almost exactly a month ago and I'm handling it terribly.

We've broken up 3-4 times before, and she gave me the same reasons this time as she had atleast 2 of those 3-4 times so I guess I was kind of hopeful we'd get back together, especially because some of the reasons have been fixed. However, yesterday she made it clear that it's not gonna happen and quite frankly I'm in pieces. I'd go in to more detail about the reasons, and our relationship in general but it seems rather pointless as it doesn't seem we're getting back together. I will say that we argued alot, and that she has said she doesn't believe the relationship can work and her feelings have changed towards it. I also failed in taking the break-up on the chin. If there was a slim chance of us getting back together I ruined it by freaking out. I'm sure most of you are all aware of what I mean by that.

The last month has been the hardest of my life, although during last week I was feeling a little better. However, yesterday and today I feel worse than I ever have. I think I'm actually depressed. I can't think of anything but her, literally. Not 10 seconds go by when I don't think of her in some capacity. It's sad, I know, but I can't help it. I don't get pleasure from anything. Not even watching or playing football which are (or it's more accurate to say 'were' at the minute) two of my favourite things. During the first 2-3 days after the break-up I barely ate a thing. I'm eating better now but haven't got any where near my full appetite. I've lost a stone.

Of course I know all the tips for getting over heartbreak but they just aren't working. The biggest one is spending time with friends, but the problem here is that I met this girl because of my friends. We're in the same circle of friends. She's at Uni so I can hang around with them guys a lot without her being there but the thing is that they all just remind me of her so much. Plus she's often mentioned (they try not to but sometimes it's impossible) and she sometimes rings them for chats when I'm there. There's also going out and sleeping with anything that moves, but it just doesn't interest me. I have no eyes or interest for any one else. I'm in that frame of mind where if the most beautiful celebrity came up to me and asked me to be their's I'd turn them down. Seriously. That stage where I think no one will ever match up to her, not even close.

The WORST thing by far about the whole break-up is it's totally my fault. I've got texts on my phone from her that I don't have the heart to delete, but cause me so much pain when I look at them. Texts from when we were together, even a couple of days before we split up, where she was telling me she loved me, complimenting me and just trying to be close to me and I never gave her enough back. I took the girl for granted, and just didn't do enough in the relationship despite her telling me that there is nothing I could have done. That is absolute bullcrap. When things were good they were lovely and she was so happy, and I remember in the final few days before we broke up she was texting me a lot asking me what I was up to you (she always had an interest and got down when I wouldn't fill her in about my life) and I just didn't care. Treated her as I always did. She always wanted to see me and despite being totally free to do so, sometimes I wouldn't. I'm a total jerk and I don't deserve her, she deserves someone that will give her all the love I failed to. It's a lesson well and truly learned and something that I will never forget. I urge any one reading this that is in a relationship, that takes their partner for granted, has a 'grass is greener' attitude, to really think what it would be like if they suddenly upped and left you for good. You really REALLY don't know what you've got until it's gone.

Gonna wrap this up now. I've got absolutely no idea where I go from here. I really don't. We're still in contact (talk on MSN, text and the phone, although not too much) and she is being absolutely brilliant about it (hence why I love her so much, she's genuine) but I'm not sure what to do. We've tried cutting contact but it didn't work. The first time she contacted me after 3 days and the second time I contacted her after.. well, about 5 minutes . Being in contact is equally as difficult. It's hard for us, especially me, to just act like friends on MSN, the phone and via text and absolutely impossible to do it in person. The little things we used to say/do when together, that we no longer do I miss so much and I end up getting upset with her about it and it makes things worse. I know it's pathetic but I'm just being honest. It's a real crappy situation. I can't live with her as my friend, but I can't live without her either. Miss her too much and care/worry for her. Stuck in limbo. I just want her back and I would do anything for it to happen.

I should just point out that there is not another guy in this scenario. Do I know that for 100%? Of course not, but she's told me in no uncertain terms there isn't, and that if I really believe that then I obviously know and learnt very little about her in our time together

[Yggdrasil]

Buddie, you state:

Of course I know all the tips for getting over heartbreak but they just aren't working.

yet, you break the first and most imporant rule: ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT WITH YOUR EX (that includes phone, text messaging, msn, etc.). Block her. You are only prolonging your pain and clinging onto something that's over. You're beating dead horses my friend.

Also, get rid of all her text messages please. Everytime you browse through them, you rip open those wounds. Basicaly, get rid of everything that reminds you of her, and break of all contact.

Then give yourself time to grieve and heal. IF you can manage to do that for about 3 weeks, you'll be feeling a lot better, but everytime you have contact with her THOSE 3 WEEKS START ALLOVER AGAIN.

So how about you stop torturing yourself?

FYI: Love is also the ability to let go.

Good luck bud...

[candle23]

Give it some time. It'll get better.