When Friends with Benefits Gets Confusing... need advice

[mspandaroo]

I started dating this guy a little over a month ago, and we have so much in common. I hate to sound like a stupid brainless high school girl, but everytime I hang out with him, I can not stop thinking of him days after.

Here is the problem:
About 6 months ago, he got out of a long term relationship and was heartbroken to find out that his ex had been cheating on him for 3 years, while they were together. He is really burnt by this. He is doing is own thing, working on a lot of projects, which I respect because we are both extremely ambitious and have a lot going on outside of work. I felt okay with this because I wanted to make a new friend in the city, since I moved here recently.

Our first 2 dates were so strong, they lasted from 8pm until late the next morning. I wrote him a letter to check in and see what he wanted because I felt this intense connection, and he said that he is not ready to be in anything too serious and just wants a casual friends with benefits situation.

I was fine with this and pushed my emotions aside, and decided to make a new friend and not hook up, but after keeping things platonic for a date, he asked me to hang out again and we ended up having a crazy adventure filled with driving all over down to an art museum, playing music in a park, going to a movie and then eventually hooking up. We actually hung out the next night and fell asleep in each others arms watching tv. After we woke up, he told me that he is not seeing anyone else right now and has not been with that many girls - he is very shy.

I made him a present for his birthday and he did the same for me, since our birthdays are close to each others, and everytime we hang out it just feels like things are getting deeper and deeper. I don't want to scare him with labels (he told me that he was pushed away when a prior lady he was dating was pressuring him to be her bf) but I don't know how long to stick around for, because other guys are knocking on my door. I don't want to answer the door for them, but its hard for me to keep my heart open when this guy is always on my mind. He doesn't call me or text much, but every few days I'll get an email from him asking when we are going to hang out again.

Any advice?

[HeartIsAching]

Try communicating with him.

[misombra]

i would tell him that you're not fine with being fwb's anymore and you'll have to stop seeing each other unless he can commit to something more.

if he says he can't then he is not feeling the same way.

[Wakeup]

You're very lucky that he's being honest with you and now I think it's time that you be honest with yourself. You don't want to be his Fook buddy, You want an exclusive relationship with him where he no longer has the option to screw whom ever will have him yet you keep on keeping on while getting deeper and deeper emotionally involved. Are you incapable of just enjoying it for what it is without an agenda?

Anyway: You have two choices if you want to be with this man you learn not to expect anything and take your sexual relationship one day at a time or, you leave him, rehab from the sex and your hope and then find someone who has the same dating goals as you do.

If you decide to try and just be casual and take and enjoy what he DOES give you then I suggest you back off from him for a while so you can re-group your emotions, refrain form participating in any bonding rituals with him (cuddling after sex, sleeping with him) and just keep it sexual. Don't give him a chance to confuse you with mixed signals.

Decisions, decisions. You can alway have another conversation about his need for casual only and see if he's changed his mind any before you make your decsion. Don't be afraid to find out the answer... this is your emotional well being you're fking with here so it's a good thing you know for sure where you definately stand. He's honest with you so far and he's given you informed choice.