Argument over careers

[flyer1982]

I am engaged to be married to my girl next summer. I am 5 years older than her and have been out of school for 6 yrs and she just got her bachelors. We have a great relationship but have been recently arguing viciously about her career. I am a planner and I want us to lead a good balanced life with a steady career in the future. I have a decent career and a middle income salary. She has been unsure as to what she is doing and is going for careers which are impractical (ie creative field). I support her and encourage her in everything but I cant support her doing something that she will regret in the future. I am a realist and I just want both of us to not be overworked but to have steady salaries. We obviously don't see eye to eye when it comes to money and careers. Please help!!!

[misombra]

she can do whatever she wants. you should support her and encourage her to do just that. if she regrets it later then she does. it's better than her resenting you from feeling like she could've done this or that but she didn't because you didn't like it and didn't support her.

[Cain]

It's her degree and it's her choice on what career she wants to get in. All you're going to do by controlling what career she has is push her away and she's going to eventually break things off.

Why do you have to decide what career she has?

[flyer1982]

I am not trying to decide it for her. I am frustrated that she is not goal oriented and practical like me. She wants to go into marketing and she doesn't have the personality for it. She will end up going to scam interviews like she has in the past. She also doesn't ask people and research her choices. When I had to pick a career I spent a lot of time talking to people about it. She is just reading descriptions online. I want to be supportive but I also cant be silent when I see my best friend stumbling into a trap.

[Cain]

I am not trying to decide it for her. I am frustrated that she is not goal oriented and practical like me. She wants to go into marketing and she doesn't have the personality for it. She will end up going to scam interviews like she has in the past. She also doesn't ask people and research her choices. When I had to pick a career I spent a lot of time talking to people about it. She is just reading descriptions online. I want to be supportive but I also cant be silent when I see my best friend stumbling into a trap.

It's HER decision to make. Not yours.

Let her decide. If it turns out to be a mistake, it'll be because SHE made it.

[misombra]

okay, it's starting to become a little clear to me that you are something of a control junkie.

is this true?

[lesa]

I am not trying to decide it for her. I am frustrated that she is not goal oriented and practical like me. She wants to go into marketing and she doesn't have the personality for it. She will end up going to scam interviews like she has in the past. She also doesn't ask people and research her choices. When I had to pick a career I spent a lot of time talking to people about it. She is just reading descriptions online. I want to be supportive but I also cant be silent when I see my best friend stumbling into a trap.

Good luck with that. I found out the hard way at how much influence a career/money have to do with relationships. If you don't let her make her own decisions you may lose her.

[flyer1982]

Yes I like to be in control. I dont need to control everything. She picks where we'll go out. What movies she wants to see (I've seen a billion chick flicks). This is serious stuff however and I feel like she doesnt know much about her career choice. I once wanted to be a pilot. I read cool books about it and I loved planes since I was a kid. Once I found out that pilots work extremely hard, have trouble with family life, have problems finding jobs, get paid little and have health problems because of the time spent in the air, I decided not to do it. I am more than happy I did. Same thing with her situation. She needs to talk to ppl in the field and realize how difficult marketing is as a career.

[shh!]

Are you counting on her making a particular amount of income in order to be willing to continue on in this relationship?

[flyer1982]

No I dont expect that at all. I want her to not overwork and be underpaid later on in life. You cant expect to make good money from the 1st job out of college. That happens later if all goes well.

[shh!]

If you don't care how much money she makes, then what do you care if she pursues this career? She is still young and has plenty of time to change direction if she doesn't find this field to her liking.

[flyer1982]

Have you ever changed careers? I have. Its not fun. Sometimes impossible.

[shh!]

Funny you should ask, but yes, I am in the midst of a career change right now. I used to work in advertising, then I stayed home to raise kids, and now I am in nursing school.

[Cain]

Have you ever changed careers? I have. Its not fun. Sometimes impossible.

Are you under the impression that most people never change careers? You'd be mistake. In fact, MOST people change careers at least twice during their lifetime.

And I do believe that shh! is in a career change since she's currently in nursing school.

The whole point is that this isn't your decision to make. You're her fiance. You're not her daddy and you need to stop acting like it.

[Gribble]

Erm. This day and age it's almost inevitable that we'll all change careers somewhere down the road.