Can I call him?

[Kaxinka]

How would you interpret this one?

I am a woman at 32. I had a boyfriend (39) for a year and a half. I’m embarrassed to admit that the ‘only’ reason I stayed with him was for the comfort and friendship we had. I have wanted to end things with him for so long but just didn’t have the guts to pull through since he is the sweetest guy. Recently I finally broke up with him. But the real reason for my post has more to do with something that happened some weeks ago:

A few weeks ago I met a guy that I had the most unforgettable sex with on several occasions - 12 years ago, that is. It was such a fun reunion and we had (if possible) even more spark and chemistry than when we first laid eyes on each other. In other words - here was all the things I had been missing for so damn long. I told him how amazingly attracted to him I felt, and it was all reciprocated. We kissed and I just couldn’t help myself. I also told him that I had a boyfriend but wasn’t compatible with him sexually and had fallen out of love with him. We talked for two hours and he insisted on having my phone number and even invited me to come join a weekend out town with him and his good friend and his girlfriend.

Anyway, we exchanged phone numbers. I went home and couldn’t sleep for some nights ‘cause he was on my mind 24-7. I decided to sms him to tell him how fun it had been and asked him if he’d wanted to get together the week after (not the mentioned weekend trip though). He answered positively and told me to call him the next week. And so I did. We made an appointment to meet some days later on. But my feet went so cold due to the fact that I had a boyfriend. So the day before the appointment I cancelled via sms and let him know just that. I also apologised, and asked him if it was ok with him if I contacted him when things were more clarified and settled for me.

My problem is that he never answered this last sms!

How do you interpret the silence on his behalf? I’m single now and want so much to meet him again. But fact is I don’t know him very well and it’s been so long. I’m afraid to step out in unknown. He also doesn’t know of my recent break-up. But not answering my disappointing but honest message makes me seriously doubt his previously so enthusiastic effort to meet me again. Now I know that he’s single, but I am also pretty convinced that he’s ‘only’ after some fun and sex. Don’t think he’ ever changed. He was never into long-term relationships. But I feel like meeting him to feel the chemistry again. In other words: I’m not seeking comfort and some shoulders to cry on since the recent break isn’t an issue in my life - what so ever.

How do think I should go about these things?

[Lloyd95]

I would call him. he was probably disappointed/pissed that you backed out last minute. You had probably gotten his hopes up and thought you were just playing the sometimes-usual games women play (I realize you weren't, but he probably didn't).

Call him. Be honest. Don't SMS message him. Sometimes it's hard to interpret the tome of written messages. You have nothing to lose and the ball is 100% in your court now. Good Luck.

[Tone]

Bleh - people like you make me mad.

This guy is in a relationship and so were you at the time that you....

Forget it. I'll wait 'til someone else takes the time to point out how wrong this situation is and then I'll just agree with them.

[Late_vamp]

well , i dont know what your so insecure about , you had a conversation for more than 2 hours but your afraid of a little phone call ...WHAT ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL AGAIN? just kidding ...But seriously , everything seems to be fine , you found someone you like even more than your ex and he makes you moan harder . All im thinking right now is how your ex must feel , poor guy . AND on top of things you already knew this guy wasnt into long-term relationships... talk about falling for the same crap again.

[Ellynn]

If your ok w/ just having fun then I say call him. I wouldn't expect anything serious w/ him. If your looking for serious then I would avoid that situation w/ him altogether and try to meet someone that you actually really feel passionate about.

[Tone]

Did you guys read that the guy she wants to fool around with has a girlfriend currently?

[TAVS]

Could it be that you mis-read the post? I think it's like a Double Date trip. I dont think the new guy has a GF

[Lloyd95]

I think the "girlfriend" in question was the friends girlfriend, not the guy she was attracted to.

[Tone]

Oops! You're right TAVS, the first time I read it kinda quick and this is the line that threw me off:

and even invited me to come join a weekend out town with him and his good friend and his girlfriend.

Thanks for pointing that out, TAVS.

I still don't think it's a good idea if he's not the committment type.. but then again you'll never know if you don't try.

Sorry about the misunderstanding and bein a jerk.

[flushd]

Kax,

It sounds like you have that dangerous, irrisistible draw to this guy. Y'know, that hot n' heavy, exciting (sometimes obsessive) pull.
I would suggest staying away from him. I know that's not what you want to hear. But look at how you act when you are around him: are you like your usual self? Would your usual self be seeing someone else behind your bf's back?
I know you are both single now: but this is an important time to have someone else give you some rational input. Is seeing him good for you, or are you just gonna end up hurt?
I don't think this guy is a good bet. Find someone else for a fling

[Kaxinka]

Hi Flushd - and all the others answering my post.

The guy I was attracted to does NOT have a girlfriend. Actually he stated that he didn't have girlfriends only lovers!!

I think Flushd is so right when saying I should give it a second thought. Come to think of it, I really dont think I'm gonna call him. I can honestly say that being with and even talking to him doesn't bring out my best.

"this is an important time to have someone else give you some rational input" And that you just did!

Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

:-)