Letting go of (potentially) imagined scenarios

[q1w2e3]

hi, a few weeks ago we had a house get-together with friends, etc. drank a good amount of alcohol, had a good time. my gf's ex boyfriend is friends with several people there (i met him before too, good guy). they talked and caught up, etc. (my gf and him are on good terms but dont necessarily talk a lot). towards the end of the night, my gf remembered she had something of his in her room. she said shed go get it for him. he went with her as well. they came back down a few minutes later.

heres where my mind takes over...what if they made out in her room? they were both kinda drunk, not too bad though. she has never done anything to betray my trust, and she remembers the whole night so she wasnt extremely drunk. they didn't act any differently when they came back down, and she didnt act any differently the next day either. if something would have happened, i feel like she has the type of personality to either show guilt about it, or tell me. she told me the next day that her ex likes me a lot too, which is good, she didnt seem like she had anything to hide, has always been very open.

i dont know why i have trust issues like this, my mind just takes over sometimes. do you think my thoughts have any ground here? or am i just being way too irrational? any ideas on how NOT to think this way? thanks!

[Ric]

I wouldn't worry. If they came down within a few minutes likely nothing has happened. If they were both very drunk and did decide to make out it likely would have lasted a bit longer.

[Sirius30]

Second that. If they did make out it would have lasted longer than a few minutes, if he put the moves on her then likely she backed off, or if she kissed him it wasnt anything special or it would have been longer.

Let it go, otherwise it will haunt you and lead to you confronting her about it. That will turn ugly.

[devonbrown]

If you can not stand your girlfriend being out of your sight for a couple of minutes without worrying something is going on, then you should see someone about your trust and insecurity issues. That is not healthy.

[q1w2e3]

thank you for the replies...the reason why im having doubts is due to alcohol...is that a founded fear? but youre right, i do need to get my issues under control.

[HeartIsAching]

If you can not stand your girlfriend being out of your sight for a couple of minutes without worrying something is going on, then you should see someone about your trust and insecurity issues. That is not healthy.

Exactly my thoughts.

You've got some insecurity that you're taking out on her unreasonably.

[q1w2e3]

thanks, i agree, i definitely have some insecurity...so it shouldnt concern me that alcohol was a factor? i dont think she would have done anything...i guess im paranoid :/

[HeartIsAching]

thanks, i agree, i definitely have some insecurity...so it shouldnt concern me that alcohol was a factor? i dont think she would have done anything...i guess im paranoid :/

Alcohol doesn't make you do things you don't want to do, it makes you less inhibited and able to do things you wouldn't normally let yourself do.

I dunno about you, but I wouldn't touch my ex with someone else's dick.

[q1w2e3]

Alcohol doesn't make you do things you don't want to do, it makes you less inhibited and able to do things you wouldn't normally let yourself do.

I dunno about you, but I wouldn't touch my ex with someone else's dick.

i wouldnt either...my insecurity questions if she would though (or he would try)...stupid insecurity, spend way too much time worrying about things like this...but my insecurity says its not useless

[Cerulean.]

I'm friends with all my exes. My last boyfriend moved 3000 miles and was new to the area and I introduced him to my first love. They became best friends instantly.

I wouldn't worry at all if I were you. And even so, if you continue to worry about it, I'd just talk to her.

[Jenswaiting]

I wouldn't worry at all if I were you. And even so, if you continue to worry about it, I'd just talk to her.

Please do not talk to her about this. Your insecurity is fueling these thoughts. If you broke down and talked to her she would immediately think you were jealous or she would be disappointed that you are that insecure. I suggest to consider why you are feeling this way. Have you had someone cheat on you before? Has the relationship become more intimate?

Finally, if this is not the first time you've had insecurity issues I would suggest getting some therapy.

[q1w2e3]

Please do not talk to her about this. Your insecurity is fueling these thoughts. If you broke down and talked to her she would immediately think you were jealous or she would be disappointed that you are that insecure. I suggest to consider why you are feeling this way. Have you had someone cheat on you before? Has the relationship become more intimate?

Finally, if this is not the first time you've had insecurity issues I would suggest getting some therapy.

thanks, i can see how talking to her about it would not make me look good...ive never been cheated on before, but have had gfs lie to me in the past...plus im a chronic worrier which doesn't help...ive def had insecurity issues before, my mind is my worst enemy we are definitely getting more serious, thinking about living together...

[Jenswaiting]

I wouldn't worry at all if I were you. And even so, if you continue to worry about it, I'd just talk to her.

Please do not talk to her about this. There is the potential that she will think you are either jealous or very insecure and both are a major turn-offs. Why are you particularly feeling insecure? Has anything changed in the relationship? Have you been cheated on before? If this is not the first time you've thought this way you may want to consider therapy.

As for suggestions to not think this way....well the minute you notice that you have these thoughts stop fueling them with highly unlikely scenarios. Stop confusing imagination with reality and challenge these thoughts. Is there anything to support these thoughts?

Hope this helps!

Sorry for double post - internet is buggered up!!!

[Ric]

I have my own insecurity issues which can be quite extreme. It's not a smart move to confront your girlfriend with it. Personally I try to ignore them, and if it bothers me too much I'll talk to a good friend about it who can reassure me so I can let it go.

[simonmagus]

I do the same stuff, I don't think i could handle my GF being anywhere alone with an ex. I wouldn't even want him there period. However, I am apparently insecure and possibly insane so my agreement doesn't bode well for you...

I do know this much, as was previously suggested, DO NOT TELL HER! I always try to keep it to myself if at all possible and then go on the hunt for further clues.