My Options

[fancofu]

My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago. We have 2 daughters, 7mos and 2years. She ended it because I wasn't giving her the attention and passion she desired. I was ignoring her for a long time and didn't do anything when she told me it was a problem. There are reasons for this but I'm not going to go into it to save time. Last week she started talking to this guy we work with (we all work at the same place). They are now seeing each other, not official bf/gf, whatever that means. Seeing her with someone else has made me reevaluate my attitude towards relationships. She wants to be friends with me. She wants to hang out, have dinner, watch movies; she wants to be close friends. Now I've got to made a choice. Do I be friends with her and hope she sees that I have changed my attitude. This option also has the possibility of making her new guy jealous to the point where he messes up. My other option is to cut off contact except for that needed for the wellbeing of the kids.

[Mish]

Now I've got to made a choice. Do I be friends with her and hope she sees that I have changed my attitude. This option also has the possibility of making her new guy jealous to the point where he messes up. My other option is to cut off contact except for that needed for the wellbeing of the kids.

It's a tough one. What's your living arrangements like? Do you live together? If you cut contact, what arrangement will be there to look after the kids? Have you set down and had a serious conversation with her about the well being of the kids and what's her take on this?

[IndiReloaded]

This is why ppl with kids should be married.

You should have married her, OP.

[fancofu]

I should have married her - why? So she could have divorced me instead of just breaking up?

Anyway, we don't live together and we have arrangements as far as the kids are concerned. The kids will be taken care of no matter what happens.

[misombra]

i'm sorry this all happened.

do you want to be friends with them?

[IndiReloaded]

I should have married her - why? So she could have divorced me instead of just breaking up?

I don't think your attitude has changed at all. You don't really want to be with this woman. You've just got a bruised ego b/c she finally gave up on you. Take your licks as a lesson learned & try to respond better when your next partner says they have an issue.

I agree, its best she didn't marry you.

[bluesummer]

I should have married her - why? So she could have divorced me instead of just breaking up?

No, because NOT being married makes it EASIER to leave. Divorces are made to be difficult to deter people from going there. Let me tell you, as a woman, I would think long and hard about leaving a husband, but much less so about leaving a bf.

I think you should sit down with her and talk about things. Tell her how you feel. I would advise NOT hanging out with her if you still have strong feelings for her and she knows it.

[misombra]

what a bunch of bullshit.

[Tedel]

I wonder if you love this girl.
If not, I wonder how come you have two kids with someone you don't love.
If you do, I wonder why you are typing this here instead of going to get her.

Do you think she will just leave the father of her kids behind that easily? She's quite hurt, too. Won't you make use of that for your own benefit?
Now, if you don't want anything with her, why are you here, asking this.
Accept it, homie, you already have a family there... and you are just about to become part of the 'destroyed families' statistics. Think again if it is that what you want.

[lastwish]

You already have kids with this women. You're stuck whether you want to break it off with her or not. Be a man, work things out with her, and have a proper family.

[Mish]

This is why ppl with kids should be married.

You should have married her, OP.

I think if a person wants to leave, they should leave and not be trapped (be it by relationship or marriage). If my partner came to me saying she doesn't want to be with me, but will try for the sake of the marriage, I would rather she left.

[shh!]

I think if a person wants to leave, they should leave and not be trapped (be it by relationship or marriage). If my partner came to me saying she doesn't want to be with me, but will try for the sake of the marriage, I would rather she left.

That's because you don't have any kids. When you have kids, all your idealism goes out the window in favor of their well-being.

[misombra]

i don't think even kids would motivate me to get married.

[Cain]

i don't think even kids would motivate me to get married.

Not even with me?!

[misombra]

no babe, not even you.

but i'll let you buy me a big, fancy ring!