A guy I met....(I think I told a few of you about this)

[Ellynn]

Ok, So I have been talking to this guy online for a few months. Before we met, He wanted to take me out on a date. I'll admit I have done that a few times...sometimes it went well...and others not so well. To avoid awkwardness, I told him I preferred to meet him as friends and just hang out. Then, if things go well....go from there... Well he agreed and we hung out at his place....played some video games, watched a movie, and he cooked me dinner..... We hung out from 6pm till about 4am. Then I went home. We didn't kiss, hug or anything.(because he was just getting over a cold)...but we talked alot and got to know each other better. He seems like a nice guy....but my question is.....I dont know where to proceed from here.

Some background info....

He is big into relationships......he told me point blank that he is looking for one....when we talked on the net. He also told me about this girl he liked at his work....and how she played mind games with him, made out with him, and then told him she wasn't interested in him.... So they stopped talking altogether. He told me how he hated feeling used like that....and just wished he could find a girl who knows what she wants....and doesn't play games. I told him I felt the same way....seeing as I had past experiences with guys who played games and didn't want to commit. So we both have that in common. I just kinda wonder what hes thinking about everything since we met. Its hard to read him....

I have tried asking him what he thought of me. He told me he thought I was very nice.....etc... I told him the same.... But hes just kinda vague about it all. I don't want to put myself out there ........if hes not interested. But if he is, then I could see something possibly happening. The main problem is that right now we are friends....and I dont want to mess that up.... I don't to appear stupid....and kinda am making myself not feel much until I know how he feels.

Do you think hes being vague and holding back because hes not into me like that and only sees me as a friend? I mean we still talk and all.and he told me he wants to hang out again..... Or do you think hes being cautious because of what happened with that other girl.....and seeing what I do? I mean I haven't said how I feel about the situation......and maybe hes afraid to say something himself? Its like everything is in limbo.....and eventually one of us will have to do something if anything more is gonna happen... but Im used to the guy usually doing that. Plus I hate rejection......as much as anyone else. I mean I don't want to put myself out there if hes not on the same page as me .......but then again.....maybe hes feeling how I am feeling and wants to say something...but is unsure of me...? What should I do?

[Rosebud]

OK, Ellynn. You told him you wanted to hang out as friends first and then see where that goes. So I think that may be exactly what's he's doing. Have you told him what you thought of him? You both agreed that you didn't want someone to just play games with them and to be upfront. You have asked him what his thoughts were of you, but from what you said you never told him your thoughts without being as vague as he was. Maybe you should sit him down and just ask him his thoughts on everything, if he wants a relationship with you or just a friendship, and if he says he's not sure then remind him of your conversation prior to meeting.

Hun, the worst that could happen is he could say he wants to be friends, but then you would know.

[Asip4u]

Ellynn, I hope everything works out. I agree with Rosebud, you should talk to him and get it out in the open. The more you let it go, the more you'll start to wonder..."Is he playing games?"..even though he said he doesn't like girls who do that and all. Good Luck!

[Tone]

Yeah I agree with RoseB, he wanted to take you out on a DATE - you took control and said, "No, I wanna hang out as friends first" so now he's probably totally just sitting back and trying to read your every move to see when it would be okay to try to get out that zone.

And you say you've been really reserved about everything so you guys are both just kinda... stuck. He doesn't want to put himself out there for a second time and get shot down by you and you're too focused on past experiences which is causin you to not give this guy a chance. How DO you feel about him? If you think you guys could have something based on what you know about him so far, why not put yourself out there? Is it not worth it? I don't care how many disappointments, heart breaks, and game playin women I have to go through in order to get that ONE special one - I'm going to put myself out there anytime I think I've met her - I mean that's what it's all about right?

We can't always wait around for the stars to align and the conditions to be perfect, no one knows how things are going to end before they even start so why not take that chance? Is it not worth it?

[Ellynn]

Thanx you guys.... Your right....IM a chicken Sh*t.... I just don't want to overstep things and then have him feel all weird around me if he doesn't feel the same.. But you know....I think the best thing to do is probably just hang out with him some more before making any big decisions. I mean as I get to know him more in person....I think I will be able to decide what I REALLY want.

I mean yeah hes good looking and hes super nice.....and I have kinda a low self-esteem when it comes to guys....so I always assume the worst I guess. Thats why I hate putting myself out there....cuz I hate getting shot down....it hurts the ego..big time.. Yeah I know everyone goes thru that....but it still hurts...

SO yeah I'm gonna take my time with this one....see how I really feel......and then go from there. I just hate feeling something if its not worth feeling it....(like with a one-sided crush). I've had too many of those....

Maybe if we get to be more comfy around each other......it will be more apparent how he feels about everything.....

Thanx again you guys

[Tone]

Keep us posted, darlin.

[Lloyd95]

If you hang with him too much as "just friends", it'll be hard to take the relationship to the next level. So don't take too much time with him.

[Ellynn]

Yeah we were talking.....and to get him to kinda open up.....i start talking about this other guy friend of mine...... He seems a little jealous/competative.......and then we talk some more about finding someone... and my low self esteem .and out it comes....

"Your a cute girl. But I don't think we had that chemistry. So yeah hopefully eventually both of us will find someone."

I played it off like I agreed about the chemistry part......and I guess at least now I know..... Oh well...... Guys suck.... (No offense to you guys)....... Just feeling kinda down right now.....

[Prodigal]

I'm sorry to hear that, Ellynn. I'm a bit surprised that he said that... however, these sorts of things do happen. It's a bummer. I don't really have anything to offer... but I'm glad you're looking at it positively (you said, 'at least now I know'). There have been many times where I wish I knew... whether the news were good or bad. That way, you don't regret not making a good enough effort to figure it out.

[Ellynn]

Just kinda bitter....cuz well....even though I didnt want to have expectations......I still was hoping a little bit. And now its like I have to start all over....... Almost makes me wish I was asexual....... No drama....no feelings......sigh.....

Thanx though....

[shh!]

Aww, that is sad, Ellynn. Believe me, I know chemistry is a wonderful feeling, but it honestly doesn't happen often. I've only had real "chemistry" with 2 or 3 people in my whole life. Once people realize how rare it is, they tend to quit expecting it, and dating becomes easier. Hang in there.

[Lloyd95]

I've only had real "chemistry" with 2 or 3 people in my whole life.

So me and your husband are 2; whose the third?

[shh!]

George Clooney, of course! I am surprised you had to ask...

[Lloyd95]

George Clooney, of course! I am surprised you had to ask...

Didn't know he knew you; he doeshave to know you to connect, right?

[shh!]

We do connect; he just doesn't know it yet.