Gen X dilemma

[CAM]

This is less an advice question and more of "am I the only one?" posting.

I'm a Gen Xer who did all the things one is encouraged to do. I went to college for nearly a dozen years. Dated but nothing too serious; kept my nose in the books. I did very well. I got a job and spent the next eight years trying to keep it. Again, very little dating because I was so busy with work.

Now, I'm closer to 40 than 30. I have all my hair, I don't look older, I'm in good physical shape. I am an only child with no other relatives other than my parents who are getting older--they aren't infirmed but they are older and I'm very close to them because they have always been there for me in life; whereas, there hasn't been a single woman from my dating past that really understood what I do for a living or why it might be important.

I don't know why, but I increasingly find that I don't even look for a relationship with a woman. I'm totally hetero, but the draw to dating just isn't there. I looked through a photo album of a woman I had once loved and it seems more like the distant past than anything else--I feel no emotional connection that past.

Except for a couple of dates last year, I haven't dated in almost six years and haven't even been interested in pursuing sex during that period of time. The sex doesn't even seem worth it because I know the process quite well and I think I'd be disappointed discovering that even it is the same as with other women.

I wouldn't even know where to start anymore. I find that I have very little to say on a date whereas when I was younger I had tons to say. I dated so many women in the earlier days that it seems like there's very little unique about any of the new people...I see them as combinations of ex's more than anything new.

The thing that does bother me is knowing that after my parents are gone, I have very few friends left in the world. I am not afraid of being alone, but it just seems like such a waste. I mean, success means nothing by itself if one is left sitting alone and with no spouse or off-spring, the hope for the future, etc.

I accomplish all of my work goals, I have a nice workout routine, my house is getting paid off...in short, I have very little to complain about and yet...I've become deeply cynical, which isn't healthy.

So, my point in posting this is to ask if others feel the same way or have similar experiences.

[TheSphinx]

I think what a lot of people experience, CAM, is a self delusion. Sam Keen's Fire in the Belly speaks more to these issues.

Many people settle on societal goals rather than honestly evaluating what they truly want.

This is not always the case, as there are some people who have found satisfaction from a glamorous lifestyle just as there are a number of people who pass prestige and money for a different type of lifestyle.

It seems, however, that the majority of people are not honest with themselves and take the path which seems right to everyone else, a path which had been repeatedly praised as "the route to happiness."

And when people are unhappy or unsatisfied with their life, they seem to project that dissatisfaction upon its various aspects. Perhaps you have witnessed cases of this (half-empty, no matter the situation?).

Some fellows fare well with living a scheduled lifestyle, as it is comfortable and predictable.

But you will also see, or perhaps you have seen men who get into a set routine, day after day, year after year. It forms a deep malaise, and leaves them void of that youthful spark which marked their younger days, and suddenly they find themselves no longer wild stallions, but stable ponies.

I have been stricken at the transformations some of my companions have made after coming to terms with themselves, and finally going for what their hearts have yearned for since childhood-stock broker to fisherman, secretary to world traveler, beach bum to city executive. If people would take initiative for themselves and actually go through (the sometimes painful) process of discovering their own desires, I think existence would feel a lot less "empty."

[Zach]

I think sphinx has a great point here.

CAM, its seems all to apparent that your aren't satisfied with your life style. Happiness is the meaning of life.. the pursuit of Happiness. How to you lead a Happy life? I'm sure you have heard this plenty of times, but your house and money are obviously not doing it for you.. so what is actually going to make you happy? They can help make it easier to be happy by not enduring poverty, but you need people to be happy.

Personally, I believe that happiness is all but a mind set and some great company. It seems you already found that it all seems a bit pointless when you have no one else to share anything with or simply be with.

No, your not the only one who has this problem. I actually think that the majority of people (especially americans) have this problem and don't even realize it. We all just slide through life in a endless routine hardly thinking twice about what we are actually doing in our life that we have here and now.

I guess when it comes down to advice on how to be happy Im not exactly helpful but I do know that too many people prepare to be happy by working 40 hours a week for 50 years then retire and die a few years later left wondering where the "happy" part of their life went. They wasted it all away trying to make way for a happy life meanwhile their entire life passed them by.

CAM, your still pretty young and you have plenty of time to change your frame of mind and be happy now. No one will ever be happy until they can learn to be content with w/e they got.

Make some new friends, try some new activities. Change is good.
--Zach

[Junket]

Dude, he called you a pony.

HAHAHAHA!

Hey Zach, aren't we Generation Y?

Who comes up with these names?!

[Zach]

Dude, he called you a pony.

HAHAHAHA!

Hey Zach, aren't we Generation Y?

Who comes up with these names?!

You know, I'm not really sure to tell yah the truth. I remember talking about it before but damn.. its been forever.

Im willing to bet some sociologist came up with the term.

[Junket]

I think they came up with X and Y because it's not as easy to categorize us anymore.

Though I would think we should be the "Internet Generation".

[TDurden]

I don't think you're alone and in fact, I'd say that that'll become the norm in the next decade or two.

The increased focus on work and education over the years has left people empty inside because by the time they get past all of that they've lost the opportunity to "find themselves." This all results in people becoming like you: they have a nice life and career but very little sense of purpose.

Unfortunately it isn't something that is easily fixable because at this point it's probably fairly ingrained in your persona. In 'Fight Club' they beat the hell out of eachother but I don't think that's much different than doing drugs in that it only provides temporary satisfaction.

In your case the best thing would be to drop some of your routines and start searching for friends and potential girlfriends in places you might not normally look.

Of course you did say that it was an advice seeking post, I just thought I'd throw in my two cents. In short I don't think you're the only one in that position.

[TDurden]

There is emphasis on self analysis but most of it is fake. People do it because they think that's what they're supposed to do. That's why you see most of those people congragating together listening to the same music and musing about the same topics. They aren't actually discovering themselves, they're just faking it. All the while they're plugging away on what they're being expected to do, whether they know it or not.

[Gigabitch]

CAM, I did the other Gen X thing. I've lived a weird, alternative life. I find myself in the same place as you in some ways, and in others, a different planet.

You've got to take some risks, dude. I mean it. Emotional risks, ideally. Those pay off.

You can see forever from 40. You've got a year and a half. Set yourself in a direction towards a place you want to be able to see forever from, okay?

[CAM]

Thanks for confirmation about it not being just me...that its more common.

Also, thanks for the advice to "get out there." I'll try to get out a bit

Oh, Giga would laugh about this...remember the odd-ball chick about whom I needed advice? Well, guess who left a Valentine's Day card at my office? What a piece of work....

Strangely, someone else sent me a card today, not a V-Day card. A "thank you" for something and a "let's get together for a drink" type of comment. She's nearly 20 years younger than me--a 22 year old woman--but it makes me smile more than anything else.

Anyway, I'll try to get out.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, Giga would laugh about this...remember the odd-ball chick about whom I needed advice? Well, guess who left a Valentine's Day card at my office? What a piece of work.....

That woman is a bunny boiler. Mark my words.

[CAM]

What is a "bunny boiler" ?

[Gigabitch]

Maybe they should rent it together.

[CAM]

Haven't seen Fatal Attraction; but thank goodness for Wikipedia to find out what a Bunny Boiler is.

[CAM]

I saw the original Fatal Attraction...a movie called Play Misty for Me.