Totally destroyed

[Rach233]

Hello. I need some advice please. I'm completely devastated. My bf and I have been together for almost a year. We have been so in love since day one. It's been easy being with him and it has seemed like a very healthy relationship in every way. We moved pretty quickly and I live with him 50% of the time. We both have 2 children who have become like siblings together. We've only had maybe a handful of disagreements/arguments. Nothing earth shattering. But last week we had an argument where he said I was controlling and brought up a few past instances where I apparently hurt him by being so controlling. I agreed that I probably handled those situations inappropriately, I apologized immensely and let him know that I wasn't aware of this and that I would work on being a better person in that way. But he's not sure he wants to continue the relationship. We went from being so in love to this in one week and I'm just completely shattered. I can't sleep or eat and have been sobbing for days. If he truly loves me then how can he not want to work on our relationship and instead just give up and throw everything we have in the garbage? What is going on? It's so hard to swallow this. Please help.

[Hooo!]

people get angry in two different ways:

lets say you are at a supermarket and there is a special discount on your favourite snack
but when cahsing out you notice that the cashier forgot to add it.
So you go out and get angry and yell at him and insist on seeing the manager.
And the cashier says nothing
he takes that shit everyday
and them someday he takes out his gun and starts shooting people out of the blue.

People get angry in different ways. Some keep it in and explode
others just explode right of the bat.

If he keeps shit like that in that is his problem. Tell him to pull himself together and get his shit straight.
You didnt realise. You want to change yourself.
He must realise that if he has a problem he has to TALK about it.
If he doesnt then he is not worth staying with. Doesnt matter if you love him or not. If he does not talk about his problems such situations will arise again and again.

I know what im talking about. I have done that shit myself and it almost destroyed my relationship.
If he still loves you then he should get his shit together
apologise for not speaking to you sooner
and you both work together for a better future.

good luck.

[Rach233]

Thank you for saying that. It's hard when someone's telling you something bad about yourself and you want to be better but it falls on deaf ears. It makes me feel horribly guilty for something that I didn't know I did.

[lovemenot]

I absolutely understand how you feel right now [MENTION=85293]Rach233[/MENTION].
My bf just blamed me too for some things from the past that I didn't even know bothered him so much...And he never said anything and just kept it all in piling on until it was too much and he just couldn't handle it anymore..Which made him to want to take a break...
So I know how horrible it is to feel so guilty for something you didn't even realize you were doing wrong..
And I am also not able to sleep or eat and am just waiting until we see each other again to hear what he wants to do next, because he isn't sure e..(and I am terrified of that).

But I think Hooo! is right. He should have spoke sooner. (so did my bf). So you could have started fixing your controlling behavior and at least be aware of it.
So it isn't just your fault. It never is really, it takes two people to make a relationship work and so does to make it fall apart.
Though I do sincerely hope you two will figure it out.
Maybe give him some time to think, though don't just sit and wait (like I am doing now), clearly tell him how you feel and that you want to continue your relationship and tell him that he should always say what's bothering him about your behaviors, because he is important to you and you are willing to fix your flaws for your relationship..

I don't think that he doesn't love you anymore all of a sudden (more like I hope he still does).
Maybe he is just afraid of being hurt.
And your controlling behavior little by little made him think about how it will be in the future and he just isn't sure if he can handle that so he thought maybe it's better to quit everything now than in a few years when you both will have invested so much more in the relationship and breaking up will be that much more difficult and he will end up hurt... At least it's something like what my bf explained to me. And your situation seems very similar.
Ask him to give you another chance and try to fix what's bothering him about you.
Also try to talk to him as openly as possible about all this and explain him that he needs to talk about such things so these situations doesn't repeat themselves in the future.

I hope you will work it out (for both of us actually). Good luck!

[Hooo!]

i dont think its about chances
i dont like taking chances.
its about if you want to make something happen together
or you dont.

[lovemenot]

yes you are right [MENTION=85121]Hooo![/MENTION] it's not really about chances.
But sometimes if one person in the relationship isn't sure about what he wants then the other one can help. By at least showing how serious they are and how much they really care.
And I don't like being given the second chance too. It makes me feel like I'm on a trial or something..
I totally agree that it's up to both partners, you either work together for your relationship or you don't, can't be just one partner trying to fix everything.