I just got out of a 3 year relationship. I posted on here a two part thread that was titled "when change must happen". I was blaming myself for so many things I've done to my gf over the past 1.5 years. Now that I realize it, I feel awful and blame myself for everything. Well after doing some research I started looking up and searching for answers on how I was so blind of what I was doing. I finally got thinking, about a year ago I started going to a clinic trying to figure out why I had certain stomach issues. After running a lot of test I ended up being allergic to Gluten. After excluding gluten I started to feel better and my stomach issues almost vanished. While they ran all those test they also ran my testosterone levels along with estrogen. My testosterone levels came back at a 35 on their scale which went up to 110. They want the average male to be between 80-110. So I was terribly low on testosterone. Now that I've done research and looked more into it I ran across a link about IMS. you can look it up by searching for IMS low testosterone.

If you open it you'll notice a list of things on how a person can react when they have low T. I was almost able to see that each and every single one on the list applied to myself. I can reflect back to our relationship earlier on and I didn't react to her like I did in the past year and half. I was quick to doubt her, or when doing things I'd make her feel like she was worthless. I didn't know I was doing it. I wasn't direct in saying anything to her hurtful. Lets say if we were doing a task, and she didn't grasp the idea, I would just step in and do it myself instead of being patient and working with her. Every time I would do that I was in essence telling her non verbally that she wasn't important. I can now see where I did this so many times in the past. Over time I became more impatient, more anxious, shorter temper, list goes on. I can see why she left me now that I understand.

My problem is now that I see its medically wrong I see its fixable. I might have had a few flaws as any person has, but they were multiplied many many times due to my chemical imbalance going on inside my body. I'm currently going back to my doctor to see what my current levels are, and reasons why. I might have to be on injections for the rest of my life. What's sad is that I've lost the love of my life over something medically wrong. She's asked me to not contact her, and with my current state its harder than ever to cope with my lost. I'm afraid she'll never understand that the whole time I was negative with her was due to Testosterone. Plus if she does ever learn that was wrong with me, will she even still contact me. Will she be afraid and ashamed at herself for leaving me over something I couldn't notice? I want to think that I'll never hold anything against her for leaving me in such a state, but afraid I might accidently show her I'm a little upset if we do ever talk.

She was able to give me her all in the past, I wanted to give her my all. I had full love for her, but was never able to open up and talk about issues as they came along. I've always been bad at doing so, but worst than ever recently. She wanted to talk to me about our issues while I was stressed switching jobs and I pushed her away by saying bad things. I went back to those text and didn't even remember sending them. I wasn't able to focus on her for that moment, and by her trying to communicate aggravated me I guess. This has been a growing issue of my own. It wasn't anything she was doing to cause me to be that way. It wasn't anything I was purposely doing. I'm now finding out that it was and still is my current Low T.

Questions I wonder is, will she ever be able to understand. Will she be able to ever forgive me. Is there a possible good out come for the two of us in the future. I know only time can tell, but I'm curious if anybody else ever went through this before or something similar. Also looking for other people's input on my situation. Another thing too is maybe someone else will see this and notice something similar going on in their life. I can give feed back too on future outcome and also test results to confirm the severity of my situation. I'll be looking forward to any questions or interest on this. Thanks.