Guys, would you be turned off by a girl who doesn't seem to have many friends or..

[doll69]

doesn't talk a whole lot or have great social skills in general?

I think that may be how I appear to other people. I rarely know what to say when I'm in a group unless it's a group of ppl I know pretty well/am comfortable with already. I think others may view me as being bored/withdrawn and that discourages them from getting to know me better, and vice versa.

What would guys think? I think most of you have read about about my problems, and I'm still trying to figure out what's wrong. I get these paranoia attacks sometimes that no-one wants to know me or want me around (especially say, if I find out that if a friend or two of mine went somewhere with a group of ppl I know as well but they didn't invite me- is that even normal? I know that everyone should have space to go out with other people but it'd be nice to know that somebody had thought of inviting me too- does anyone else feel this way? Even one of the other girls in the group asked me why I didn't come). I'm in one of those moods now I don't really know how to let it out besides posting it somewhere, and hoping to hear some reassurance or advice, cos I'm at my wit's end on what I should change or just to stop feeling this way. I think I have some traits of an avoidant personality as well.

Somtimes I really hate myself, I start to think what if I wasn't this way, what would life be like. I know the answer would be to become more outgoing, but I think this has to be either natural, or ppl will see that its not your real personality and that'll backfire. On the surface, I seem to have everything, but I feel so empty inside, like my life has no meaning. Everyone speaks of how they want to live their life, everyone seems to have something they look forward to. Like before holidays, I get sick of hearing people say oh they gonna do this, oh they're gonna do that. But I can never bring myself to get excited because I know it'll just be another period of loneliness where I know everyone else is out having fun and I'm just wondering what they're doing at home for most of the time. Seriously, I don't think I'll be missing much if I just dropped dead right now. It's not that I don't have any friends, but all my "friends" also have friends of their own, and I just seem to be the person ppl go to when their own friends are busy and they need somebody to do something with. Like a second fiddle, yeah that's it. I want to feel part of a real group, and not just some soccer ball that ppl just kick to somebody else when they don't need it. Just need to rant, and if anybody has any comments or want to put in their 2 cents, it is much, much appreciated

Thnx for reading~

[Chlorine]

Doll69-----Friendships can't be forced; it's a two way thing.

It's a wonderful feeling to be wanted, to be part of a clique/crowd, to get a constant stream of 'sms' and invites to go here there and everywhere. In short most people want to feel wanted.

You need to start feeling comfortable being by yourself. Being able to amuse yourself and being happy with your own company. That way, it won't bother you as to what so-and-so is up to tonight etc.

Alot of the time friends are really just acquaintences. People you have stuff in common with, for that period of time. Once the time passes, you will move on and so will they. The crux of the matter is, you will meet say 20 people at one go. You can count yourself lucky if 2 turn out to be real friends. That is, people who are worth your time.

[doll69]

Hi there, thnx for your response. I know very well that friendships are a two-way thing, but it's a real bummer when they never feel as much for you as you do for them. I do understand that not everybody you meet can become good friends, but it seems that at least everyone else has a few "good friends" they more or less stick to. In other words, I seem to be the rare few who loiter around alone at lunch times unless I join somebody.

OK so I just found out that my friend has just started to go out with this guy in our year. What a nice kick in the face. Why can't that happen to me?? I am never in short of admirers, but it's the same problem I have with friends, I just can't form relationships with people (funny, that guy my friend is going out with was just making a remark the day before about wanting to screw me, LOL). I have soooo much to offer in a relationship, I refuse to believe that I'll be alone forever, but sometimes it just feels that my time will never come. This guy I have a crush on just wants to play games, or it seems. And I have no energy for that.

[Junket]

This guy I have a crush on just wants to play games, or it seems. And I have no energy for that.

Games are how people figure out if the relationship has potential.

If you have no energy for the games, then you might as well have no energy for the relationship.

[doll69]

But you also have to know where to draw the line. What if a guy insist on playing on and on, it is quite obvious the right choice then would be to just STOP RESPONDING. But the problem is, how do you where to draw the line?

Having said that, I found your idea quite interesting. I remember posting a similar topic on another board, an the posters agreed on the opposite: that if a guy plays games then he is not worth your time. Could you pls expand on what you said? Thnx!

[richardrli]

You should draw a fine line between things you're willing to tolerate and things you wouldn't.

[doll69]

But since game-playing is "necessary" I'll have to tolerate it? But to what extent?

[Lineofsight]

But since game-playing is "necessary" I'll have to tolerate it? But to what extent?

I don't believe anyone should tolerate games, they are confusing and cruel. Flirting is exciting but it shouldn't last for days... If you really just want love, games can be very tiresome.

Better have a few good friends rather than a huge network of crappy ones right?

[Henry123]

doesn't talk a whole lot or have great social skills in general?

I think that may be how I appear to other people. I rarely know what to say when I'm in a group unless it's a group of ppl I know pretty well/am comfortable with already. I think others may view me as being bored/withdrawn and that discourages them from getting to know me better, and vice versa.

What would guys think? I think most of you have read about about my problems, and I'm still trying to figure out what's wrong. I get these paranoia attacks sometimes that no-one wants to know me or want me around (especially say, if I find out that if a friend or two of mine went somewhere with a group of ppl I know as well but they didn't invite me- is that even normal? I know that everyone should have space to go out with other people but it'd be nice to know that somebody had thought of inviting me too- does anyone else feel this way? Even one of the other girls in the group asked me why I didn't come). I'm in one of those moods now I don't really know how to let it out besides posting it somewhere, and hoping to hear some reassurance or advice, cos I'm at my wit's end on what I should change or just to stop feeling this way. I think I have some traits of an avoidant personality as well.

Somtimes I really hate myself, I start to think what if I wasn't this way, what would life be like. I know the answer would be to become more outgoing, but I think this has to be either natural, or ppl will see that its not your real personality and that'll backfire. On the surface, I seem to have everything, but I feel so empty inside, like my life has no meaning. Everyone speaks of how they want to live their life, everyone seems to have something they look forward to. Like before holidays, I get sick of hearing people say oh they gonna do this, oh they're gonna do that. But I can never bring myself to get excited because I know it'll just be another period of loneliness where I know everyone else is out having fun and I'm just wondering what they're doing at home for most of the time. Seriously, I don't think I'll be missing much if I just dropped dead right now. It's not that I don't have any friends, but all my "friends" also have friends of their own, and I just seem to be the person ppl go to when their own friends are busy and they need somebody to do something with. Like a second fiddle, yeah that's it. I want to feel part of a real group, and not just some soccer ball that ppl just kick to somebody else when they don't need it. Just need to rant, and if anybody has any comments or want to put in their 2 cents, it is much, much appreciated

Thnx for reading~

I personally wouldnt find it too weird. I persume you may be an introvert.

I'm thinking that maybe you have social anxiety issues. And or phobias. You know theres cognitive therapy treatment for that. Maybe you might want to geta a referal from a doctor you feel comfortible with to see a therapist or go for group therapy to over come that (providing if you have social anxiety or not). Theres probably stuff on the web for treating social anxiety with cognitive therapy etc.

I think you might have the type of personality where your personality grows on other people and they get to know you better that way. (I still think you should try out the cognitive therapy though. It could be fun.

[Junket]

Stop reviving dead threads.

[Illusional]

i'll be honest.. it depends on who you are trying to attract, and who is attracted to you. for me, i tend to like the shier girls because i know that if you take the time to get to know them, your efforts will pay off far better in the long run. i'm attracted to that cutsiness, but she has to be somewhat outgoing. i'm sure that this will all fall into place after i've gotten to know her better.

if you're looking for a shy guy, then you'd better take it up a knotch. chances are, if he's not willing to talk to you and you're the same way, nothing will ever get done.

raverboy