cheating girlfriend?

[MaliChan]

me and my gf, we've been together almost a year, been great all along. recently though, she went out with a guy that she just knew and likes her. well i got pissed about that, understandably, and waited at her house and gave her a really good scolding. she says i'm too extreme and embarrassed her and we had a really tense and strained relationship for a few days.

Well now everything seems to be alright, her actions-wise when shes with me. we're all lovey-dovey as before, just that i feel something is not quite right. she has stopped mentioning about that guy, which is weird, as i am quite sure they are still in contact.

i know i will sound like a paranoid insecure little boy. but some events made me suspicious that she is seeing him without informing me.

i called her at 11pm at nite, but no answer, thats weird, she nv slp so early.

Told me another nite she was goin to slp when i called her 10plus. but checked her phone the next day and saw a text message that says "you can come down now" from an unfamiliar number, minutes before i called her.

seems to me now shes keeping her phone as far away from me as possible, across the table. outside her room when we're in her house, etc etc

the whole gut feeling is that she is holding back something from me.

i'm doubting whatever she tells me now, where she is, who she is with, and keep thinking to check it out. should i park outside her house and play detective one nite just to see if she is telling the truth? or do some snooping around? i cant confront her, she'll just deny everything and quarrel with me. even if i talk nicely and sincerely to her. rather i dump her if something is going on then get dumped one day

[vashti]

I would be suspicious, too. I always trust my gut. I have to ask though, is this *really* the sort of relationship you always wanted? Do you really plan to go through life wondering what she is up to and who she is seeing?

Trust is a vital component to a healthy relationship, whether or not she is (or has) done anything.

[Borealis]

Trust is an extremely important issue in a relationship. Instant behavior changes in a relationship with the only tangible link of suspicion to another person are causes for suspicion.

My only worry if this progress any furthur and that small doubt becomes an almost compulsive obsession.

Borealis

[Gigabitch]

I can't say I recommend parking outside her house to see if she's cheating on you. That sounds like stalking.

That said, I must admit that it's EXACTLY what I would do. I would be ashamed, but I would do it all the same. Borrow someone else's car.

[MaliChan]

hi guys. sad news for me, or maybe good news? i was at her house just now, tucked her into bed, kissed her forehead, waited until she fall asleep b4 making my move out of the house. And as i was leaving, her phone beeped... i cannot resist the urge to read her inbox, and good thing i did...the other guy was msging her stuff like "miss you" "dearie" "hugs" miss me?" and they were calling each other the whole day...

her "sent messsages" box was empty, she deleted it all...but apparently slipped her mind to dispose of the murder weapon as well...

wat i dun understand is, we met up for dinner, she was so lovey-dovey, discussing about our future, where to buy our house, arranging for our parents to meet up on Sunday(YES!) and even discussing how i should tell her parents that i wan to marry her... if she was so going to live the future with me, why was she doin all these behind my back?? oh and ya, the msg i saw 2 days ago was from the same guy, she lied to me about going to slp and went to meet him. **** THE WORLD!!!!
Wat is she thinking????

Advice me on wat to do...though i think i have the answer already...please give me exact instructions, i'm not in a state of mind to handle myself properly now...

[vashti]

He called her "dearie"? Are you sure this wasn't her grandfather?

Have you talked to her at all about this since you saw her text messages?

[MaliChan]

no...she was slping...i almost woke her up to confront her...but i held back...i needed to clear my head...grandpa? grandma? dad?mum? its another guy...no doubt about it...

[vashti]

Well, I guess you need to ask yourself what you are willing to tolerate. Honestly, I'd break things off with someone who were doing that behind my back. You will never be able to trust her.

[MaliChan]

those things crossed my boundaries too...but i love her..and i seriously think we have a future together... my head tells me to **** it, my heart wans to give her a chance to explain herself, and accept watever she tells me...

can u explain y she is talking about our future while doin all these behind my back??? SIMULTANEOUSLY!!!!

[vashti]

Perhaps she is not sure if whatever she has going with the other guy is going to pan out, and wants to keep her options open...

[jurupa]

I would say there are warning signs here. If it was her grandfather I would think she would mention something. The fact that she stop mention a guy she talks to, isn't good. What you should do is to ask about the guy in a causal manner. Like ask "What happend to [the guys name here]?" and if she starts to question your question just say "You stop talking about him thats all." But when you do this watch how she reacts and acts during this. If she gets defensive there is a good chance that she is cheating and stop mention a guy and getting defensive when you mention the guy she use to mention are two good signs.

The messages you seen also raises flasg, but it could be someone else, unless the same number is with all of those types of messages. If so then I would say there is a strong chance that she is cheating.

[MaliChan]

its the same number...it is that guy, there is no doubt...no need to guess who else it could be... and the fact she dun store his name in the phone book is more so to hide the idendity from me...

for me, if i want to keep my options open, i will not tell the other person i love her, nor will i discuss long term future with her, i WILL NOT do anything to make her commit too much b4 i am sure of myself. but the things she is saying to me does not tally with that! Why would she want our parents to meet UP?? if shes still looking out for other guys??

i'm writin a letter to her now...i'll tell her i looked thru her phone, and i'll tell her my disappointment...my letter will tell her really how i feel about our relationship and to ask her where is her direction with me. from there, i'll take it that we're no more a couple. the ball is in her court, she chooses me and shows me her commitment or she can choose to flirt and do things behind my back...wat do you guys think

[Khazard]

I think thats the best and most sensible thing to do, And im proud that you seem to be thinking straight, as ive been in situation like that before, and i do crazy things!

[vashti]

she chooses me and shows me her commitment or she can choose to flirt and do things behind my back...wat do you guys think

I think you need to think about what behaviors SPECIFICALLY will show you that she is committed to you alone. Her just TELLING you she wants you is not going to make you feel any more secure in your relationship. She needs to prove herself trustworthy. Think about what behaviors you need to *see* in order to be able to start having some trust in her.

[MaliChan]

u noe wat i'm thinking...i'm thinkning to make her call the guy infront of me and declare her love for me...thats wat i want to see...longterm wise...theres alot that needs to be done for the trust to be ever up again... i love her, and i want to give it a try, that is, if she accepts the chance to try out the relationship again...else...well lets just say its good i didnt find out about this just b4 our wedding