Who's fault (warning long post)

[someguy6785]

Hey everyone,

I'm a 21 yr old architecture student in Chicago. I had this girlfriend. I was crazy about her. It seemed like she was even more crazy about me, except some times it seemed like she wasn't trying to make time for me. It seemed like I always came second to work, school, dance.
Maybe I shouldn't have expected her to change her life for me, except that I was willing to do just that. I would lie, cheat, steal, make crazy sacrafices just to spend another 10 minutes with her. So when she refused to stay up and chat, or refused to tell a lie or something to see me, it hurt. It really hurt.
So I started making her feel guilty about not trying to see me. I know she was in live with me. People said we were always togeather, even thought it felt like we never were. But I put her on crazy guilt trips. She cried and cried about it. I didn't feel guilty because she was blowing me off first. She deserved to feel guilty. It really hurt me some times when she was too busy to hang out. Even when I was lonely. It made me afraid that she didn't really love me. I told her how I felt but she never really stopped.
So I kept on going with the guilt trips until she dumped me. After the breakup it just kept getting worse. Guilt trip after guilt trip on her, every chance I got. So now she wont even talk to me. She says the breakup was all my fault. She says I can never be forgiven. She basically believes that I am a monster, beyond redemption, and I think shes right.

Now I cry myself to sleep. I havnt been happy for 4 months. I'm not going to kill myself but I honestly kinda wish I were dead. If I so much as say hi to her she will slap a restraining order on me. But I can't get over her.

The guilt trips were a mistake. But what was I suppose to do?

[Ellynn]

Ok so you made a mistake. Now you have to learn from it and deal with what it did to your relationship.

Next time you get into a relationship....I suggest you give each other enough space. It sounded to me like you got too clingy/smothering. She probably wanted some time to herself(which is normal you know?). Its not realistic to always spend time together 24/7. You have to accept that....

I think you blew your chances with her. I suggest letting her be... There is nothing more you can say......she made her choice. But you need to move on.......and remember this exact situation next time a girl you are dating wants a little space.

And lose the guilt trips.....they get old.

[justonekiss]

My boy's exes always guilt tripped him into everything. So now he assumes that I'm always trying to guilt trip him. Those kinds of things will probably stick with her in her new relationships.

Did you ever find out why she couldn't make time for you?

[Sami09]

My advice for you right now is try and be her friend and be supporty but not too clingy to her in time she may forgive you and take you back after she seens that you arent being overbearing. Just call or up maybe ones a weeks and see how life is. good luck i hope it works out for you guys

QUOTE=someguy6785]Hey everyone,

I'm a 21 yr old architecture student in Chicago. I had this girlfriend. I was crazy about her. It seemed like she was even more crazy about me, except some times it seemed like she wasn't trying to make time for me. It seemed like I always came second to work, school, dance.
Maybe I shouldn't have expected her to change her life for me, except that I was willing to do just that. I would lie, cheat, steal, make crazy sacrafices just to spend another 10 minutes with her. So when she refused to stay up and chat, or refused to tell a lie or something to see me, it hurt. It really hurt.
So I started making her feel guilty about not trying to see me. I know she was in live with me. People said we were always togeather, even thought it felt like we never were. But I put her on crazy guilt trips. She cried and cried about it. I didn't feel guilty because she was blowing me off first. She deserved to feel guilty. It really hurt me some times when she was too busy to hang out. Even when I was lonely. It made me afraid that she didn't really love me. I told her how I felt but she never really stopped.
So I kept on going with the guilt trips until she dumped me. After the breakup it just kept getting worse. Guilt trip after guilt trip on her, every chance I got. So now she wont even talk to me. She says the breakup was all my fault. She says I can never be forgiven. She basically believes that I am a monster, beyond redemption, and I think shes right.

Now I cry myself to sleep. I havnt been happy for 4 months. I'm not going to kill myself but I honestly kinda wish I were dead. If I so much as say hi to her she will slap a restraining order on me. But I can't get over her.

The guilt trips were a mistake. But what was I suppose to do?[/QUOTE]

[someguy6785]

Ok so you made a mistake. Now you have to learn from it and deal with what it did to your relationship.

Next time you get into a relationship....I suggest you give each other enough space. It sounded to me like you got too clingy/smothering. She probably wanted some time to herself(which is normal you know?). Its not realistic to always spend time together 24/7. You have to accept that....

I think you blew your chances with her. I suggest letting her be... There is nothing more you can say......she made her choice. But you need to move on.......and remember this exact situation next time a girl you are dating wants a little space.

And lose the guilt trips.....they get old.

Maybe I was a little clingy, but it was reasonable. Sometimes we didn't see each other for days and she lived 8 blocks away.

I know the guilt trips are never good, but what else can I do? There are some things I couldn't accpet. (actually I would have accepted them if I knew she would dump me over them. punch in the face, man)

[Ellynn]

Well it sounds like she had alot of stuff going on. Its normal sometimes not to see each other for a couple of days. It kinda keeps things interesting. I mean otherwise you have nothing to talk about....nothing to say etc. I also get the impression you were into the whole relationship alot more then she was.

Yeah it sucks you find out after the fact what went wrong.....but its experience. I mean you can't expect things to always go right.....and sometimes a lesson is learned by getting burned.

[someguy6785]

I expected everything to go perfectly because the last 7 months had been perfect. Ive been in a few relationships, dated a decent amount. This was absolutely perfect. The best days of my life were with her. I'm pretty sure she felt the same way. I guess you can never be sure.

[Tone]

I agree with your ex-g/f and Ellynn.

[someguy6785]

i highly doubt she thinks that...guilt trips don't make people happy. Your an @$$hole for making her feel bad because she wanted to have a life outside of you. Reality check bub...Learn from it and move on.

Oh we both had lives. We are both full time students in a very time-consuming program. She dances all of the time, I work 20 hours/week. The difference is that I was willing to make sacrifices. I would give up time with my friends or even take a day off work now and then. She wouldn't change her prior comitments at all. It's like I was the last thing on her list and she was the first on mind. Probably not now that I think about it, but it sure felt that way.