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Thread: Am I reading too much into it?

  1. #1
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    Am I reading too much into it?

    (I will try to abbreviate this as much as possible)
    5 years ago I dated a man, somewhat. We were friends, first and foremost, that ended up becoming intimate. We never took itseriously enough to give ourselves title (i.e. boyfriend/girlfriend) but when we tried to cut out our physical activities and just remain "friends", we failed . . .miserably. After multiple attempts at this we eventually parted ways. Come to find out I was just young and dumb and I was the one not taking it seriously enough. 5 years later I have yet to stop kicking myself for losing someone so awesome. Recently we came back into contact with each other. He lives just down the street from me so we make it a point to have a once weekly get together (our "picnics, as he calls them; He brings food to my place and I'll cook, then I'll bring food to his place and he'll cook)
    He's very attentive, remembers things about me (unimportant things . . .the little things) and just plain spoils the hell out of me. I do the same things for him. We watch movies all day, dance around my room to internet radio, sing to each other while we cook together, and never stop talking. He's started staying over longer and longer and mentioning, more and more, how much he enjoys spending his time with me. I find it harder and harder to keep things platonic. We have not progressed past a hello and goodbye hug (due to the fact that when we first reocnnected we made brief mention of it probably being a bad idea to get "involved" at this point)
    My question is: Am I reading too much into it-Or is there really something going on with this?

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    Based on what you said, I feel pretty sure there is more than just a friendship here. A guy is not going to spend time like that with a girl he isnt interested in. The cooking, dancing, and singing isnt typical guy behavior- he would not be doing this with a girl if he didnt like her.

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    Please explain why it would be a bad idea to get involved at this point.
    Spammer Spanker

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    If I read that correctly, maybe and because you failed to take him seriously the first time around and it didn't work, he thinks you may not take him seriously and it won't work a second time around. Which is why he is hesitant in making a move. He obviously likes you a lot and to be spending so much time in your presence, remembering little things you said, did, etc. I reckon people tend to bring up memories and when they are looking to tug at your heart strings and they tend to tug at your heart strings and to stir up old feelings.

    He also may be confused as to how you see him and if you want him as a friend only or more. Some men can be dense and when it comes to reading signals from a woman. Maybe you should try and be a bit more bolder in your approach...like grab him and lay the lips on him, lol. I would

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    It sounds promising since you've now realized what you want and what you might have. I say it's time to explore the idea of something more.

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    If he's "mentioning, more and more, how much he enjoys spending his time with [you]" then that's probably his way of saying he would like something more but is afraid to push for it. What do you say when he says that? He seems a bit shy, say something encouraging and he might act on his interest.

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    @Gigabitch- I just feel it would be a bad idea because, in our 5 year separation, I had a baby (13 months old now, girl). I was engaged and he cheated on me at the rehearsal. Having a baby, a crappy ex, and having been celibate since I found out about it . .I just don't feel I bring much to the table. He's awesome with her. Loves her to death. I just don't want it to seem like I'm looking for a baby's daddy or something. I told him I was not looking (which is true). He agreed that it was probably a good idea.

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    That what was probably a good idea? I'm sure he's aware of your life situation so why are YOU so critical of this if he isn't. Clearly he doesnt mind at all, he still spends time with you. If YOU'RE not ready to move things along with him, you need to speak up and let him know whats up or you run the risk of losing him yet again and possibly for good this time. I can see he's everything you want in a man so why not go for it? seems like you're ready but only you know for sure...

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    Quote Originally Posted by VisualAid View Post
    @Gigabitch- I just feel it would be a bad idea because, in our 5 year separation, I had a baby (13 months old now, girl). I was engaged and he cheated on me at the rehearsal. Having a baby, a crappy ex, and having been celibate since I found out about it . .I just don't feel I bring much to the table. He's awesome with her. Loves her to death. I just don't want it to seem like I'm looking for a baby's daddy or something. I told him I was not looking (which is true). He agreed that it was probably a good idea.
    You're thinking too much. He never said anything about it and you're putting words in his mouth. Instead of getting closer, you're actually putting distance if you keep doing this.
    He who laughs last, thinks the slowest

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    you've both realised that what you had was special and he's hinting big-time that he wants it again. he's probably saying he doesn't want it to go further cos he doesn't know exactly how you feel and despite being seemingly into you, he doesn't know if you're doing it as close friends, to be polite or whatever.

  11. #11
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    Thanks a ton! To everyone. The resounding chorus of "you're not crazy" has done quite a bit of ego boosting. Any ideas on how to grow a pair and just do it, now? lol.

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    Is there some rule I am unaware of that says if a relationship did not work out one time it can never work out again. you have matured and so has he. The two of you would not be doing things together if you did not like each other. Just let it happen. Do you have something better going on in your life right now?
    Chris

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    My wife and I lost contact for the better part of a year.

    By the sounds of it, you'd have a much better go at it now, than then.

    If you can't bring yourself to just talk to him about it, try being obvious. Set a more romantic theme for the next picnic at your place.

    You have nothing to loose to try again.

  14. #14
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    Good news, if anyone's interested. He admitted to still thinking I am "sexually enigmatic, and he would love to one day figure me out." but we also agreed to not jumping on that bandwagon just yet. He likes the dynamic we have so far and would love to see where it could take us. I 'fessed up too. We like it where things are going and are seeing where "acting natural" will take us. He took me out to a most awesome dinner (for our first real date) at our favorite dive. He told me that he "liked the person I was, but does not want to lose the one I have become." It's like we started over in the perfect middle. . . and I couldn't be happier.
    Thanks a million everyone!

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    awesome carry on being yourself and i think you're gona bag yourself a great guy.
    They called us a dead generation,
    They told us that we wouldn't survive
    They left us alone in the maelstrom
    As you can see we're all clearly alive.

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