My ex split up with me and i'm still deverstated after 4 months, need advice please!

[fivefootfour]

My ex girlfriend split up with me 4 months ago after a 1.5 year relationship and it seemed sudden to me. I started noticing something was wrong when we had a slight argument, she had invited me to go to a theme park but told me a few days later there was no need for me to go. We very rarely argued and there was tension for the next few days, and eventually she text me and asked for some space.

I gave her space and text her after about 4 days to see if she was ok, she said she'd ring me in a few days. I asked what was up and she used reasons like since her 21st birthday (the week before) she realised that she needs to be live for a while, sort her life out with her career, get her own friends and do stuff spare of the moment. This would have been fair enough but I was never one to stand in her way with any of these things and was willing to with anything. She also said that she thought we were heading to something that wasn't there anymore. She was always was the more clingy one and didn’t like me to spend a weekend without her and a couple of days before she needed space she said she loves me.

I had a feeling there was another reason why she split up with me suddenly so I checked her emails as she gave me her passwords before. I felt terrible for doing this but I needed to know. I found a couple to her ex (who cheated on her with her best friend about 2 years before we got together, but they were friends afterwards for a while), the emails said miss you, and he'd sent one back saying miss you too, I hate monday mornings after our weekends together. This was 2 weeks after we split up. I know they met up just after she said she needed some space but I don't know if anything happened. I really don't think she cheated on me when we were together, I know she met up with her ex when she needed space and I think this was the first time since we were together. I don’t check the emails anymore as I hate myself for doing it.

The last 3 months have been hell for me, she was my first serious girlfriend and I love her to pieces, I can't get her out of my mind and I think of her everyday. I thought we were a good couple and both our familys said we were. My friends have told me to just move on but its not that easy, I was seeing her about 4 times a week for 18 months and it just came to an end. She does still owe me a little bit of money for the hol but I was prepared to cut my losses.

Since we split up, I had no contact for 2/3 months but 2 weeks ago, her gran died. I felt like I needed to contact her because she was very ill when we split up. I just said I heard about your loss and my thoughts are with your family. She thanked me and left it at that. Then a few days later it was my birthday and she sent me a text saying happy birthday x and I just replied saying thanks. And then she sent a message saying Have I got anything planned for this year? I replied with a few things like starting a degree and going on a skiing trip and asked the question back to her. She replied saying her grans funeral next week and got a few job interviews. We sent a couple more texts to each other and I showed her abit of sympathy towards her gran and said well done with the interviews but thats all I heard from her. This was a week ago but I know her grans funeral was a couple of days ago.

When she broke up with me she blocked me on facebook but remained friends with my brother and I remained friends with her brothers and sister in law (who also sent me a birthday message). I noticed this week that she must have unblocked me because I could she her comments on her brothers wall in the news feed. She is not on my contact list though. One of the comments said shes got a job. I also noticed that the friend she fell out with was in her picture but they hated each other when we split up. I could see her relationship status said single (so she probably not with her ex and I got it wrong?).

I'm pretty confused about the whole situation, nothing makes sense. If she wasn't bothered about me she wouldn't have contacted on my birthday would she? Was this to make the peace or to see how I react to her? I still have very strong feelings for her and wish I was still with her but I don't want to come across like I'm weak or desperate. But also if she wants to give it another try then I don't want to act like I’m not interested. I think so far I seemed quite strong in her eyes, after she broke up with me she kind of knew I was upset but I didn't beg for her to come back or anything and just suffered in silence. I did try and get my money back but that’s all we spoke about. I don't think she knows I’m going through hell without her. Should I get in contact again? Or if not how can I move on?

Thanks for reading, hope you can help.

[pamhol]

You seems to be doing the right thing by not appearing desperate. It seems that her recent actions of sending messages and unblocking you in facebook, looks like she may have second thoughts or at least willing to e your friend again.

One way is to see whether she is willing to go out, may be for a "group" outings with your siblings or her siblings. Then take it from there if she's willing.

It's also good that you participate in other activities or interest so that you are not bogged down with the pain. Yes it is difficult going through breakups. Look at it that for your own good, mentally and physically you need to "refocus" your attention. Not only will these activities boost your spirit, it may also increase your attractiveness to your ex. Unfair as it seems, happy people attracts others, but sad people don't.

Wish you all the best.

[fivefootfour]

Thanks for that pamhol.

Do you think she will make contact again if I left it for a while?

If I showed her interest maybe she would talk to me more but it kind of looks like i'm desperate. I know it was her grans funeral a few days ago and maybe I could ask her how it went but i'm not so sure, she might be going through a hard time as well.

I'm just so confused about the situation, I don't want to wait around if shes not even bothered about me but at the same time I can't forget her and can't move on.