Please advice- Bit complicated.

[emily]

I like a guy who is 11 years older than me- We flirt but not in any relationship. He has commitment phobia. He is unmarried and i like him alot. He is very concerned about his friends - So i think he wil not like me as his partner as his friends might think i am too young. Do you think it can be the case? i think so.
Do you think i should ask him out? we def are good friends.. but we never talk about personal things like i dont even if he has a girlfriend...
Its a very strange relation - but he cares..
And yes i am not a kid- I am 26.

[Mish]

Do you think i should ask him out? we def are good friends.. but we never talk about personal things like i dont even if he has a girlfriend...

I think first thing you need to do is find out whether he has a girlfriend or not. You need to know whether he is free. And if he is, then make steps towards a first date. You don't necessarily need to ask him out (I know a few girls who are uncomfortable with doing that), but you can definitely send signals and good vibes his way. Something along the lines "I've always wanted to see this new movie that's out, though I really don't want to see it alone, I don't have anyone to go with".

[carl1222]

I think first thing you need to do is find out whether he has a girlfriend or not. You need to know whether he is free. And if he is, then make steps towards a first date. You don't necessarily need to ask him out (I know a few girls who are uncomfortable with doing that), but you can definitely send signals and good vibes his way. Something along the lines "I've always wanted to see this new movie that's out, though I really don't want to see it alone, I don't have anyone to go with".

I'm not sure that won't come across as a bit desperate, Mishanya.

How about starting with "are you single?" and finishing with "Hey, I wanted to see the new movie 'Kermit the Frog Loses his Virginity' want to see it with me?"

I know it's tougher for girls, but sometimes they just have to put themselves out there to get what they want.

Carl.

[misombra]

if a guy is that commitment phobic at that age i don't think it's very likely that he'll change. i could be wrong on that i guess.

[richeanne]

if a guy is that commitment phobic at that age i don't think it's very likely that he'll change. i could be wrong on that i guess.

yeah that'll probably be hard to alter.

But if he's single and become totally in love with you, he'll find a way to change.

[emily]

Thanks everyone. The thing is we have been on dates many times before.. but we dont consider each other Boyfriend girlfriend. But we both really care and always are in touch no matter what -- even if it takes weeks to contact - we contact.. Not for any selfish reason but for sharing whats been happenin and how we are..it has always been long distant ..

[Lite]

Do you have daddy issues?

[Gigabitch]

He's made it abundantly clear that he's not available for a serious relationship and if you fall for him anyway, he won't hold himself accountable at all.

IMO, you're probably one of five women he's got this kind of "friendship" going on with.

Tell me, how intimate have your dates been? Do you guys hook up and then a couple of weeks go by without any contact? (Remember, this forum is anonymous, so you can tell us the whole truth, even if it's not flattering.)

[emily]

To be more clearer about this guy - He is a decent guy and he is not cheap to go around with many girls.. most of the time he contacts me not because he wants to see me -- just to know how i am. Which is becuase there is no way i can meet him as i said he busy and we live far away. But still he calls. He finds me sweet and he never ever suggests anything wrong to me.. for any reason. We have been on dates but not physical.

[misombra]

you're not listening.

[Lite]

Yeah, like I said. Do you have daddy issues?

[emily]

No- I am listening - I will listen - Its just that i thoughti should explain him well. Please let me know what i should do..

Lite what do you mean by daddy Issues????

[Lite]

Daddy issues, hangups with older men in your life. Do you view them more as partners, or as caregivers and providers? Did daddy not show enough affection to you? Did you have an unstable childhood?

What is it that attracts you to an emotionally unavailable man who is 11 years your senior.

Some people will say age is just a number, and it's quite possible he's just going through a mid-life crisis thus having reverted emotionally and mentally to an age where he ****ed his life up through poor decisions and started over again... Or, you're seeking some advanced form of stability or perceived stability by pursuing a man who reminds you of home.

Generally one attempts to attach to a perceived level of maturity they believe they are at. Generally the reasons that one believes they are more mature is due to having a difficult childhood, and seeking stability in some misguided form.

[emily]

Thanks lite for explaining it to me.
I had a very good childhood by gods grace. And my family is a very close knitted family with right culture. And i am sure i do not have daddy issues.
If i think why do i like this guy-
Good looks- Looks young
Stable
I admire him and want to be like him(career).
good knowledge about everythng
talkative
Unmarried
we look good together
I love him..
i neve feel bored or never feel embarrassed in public as he is decent.
Calls me for no selfish reason.

[emily]

And yes not to forget that all the guys i have met - I find him sensible. Other guys whom i know - when they speak they i find them so illogical.So this is also a major reason.