I cant think healthy..!

[Zane]

Hey there first of all..
I will try to make this short and simple even though is a hell of a story!
Ive fell in love with a girl from my work place , that was after she came back from holiday (never really knew or fancied her before)
As they say, love find you when you least expect it.. I dont know if I should refer it to this story!
Ever sinced I felt that way I would try to show it to her with eye contact, body language textes etc..
We fall for eachother very quick I'd say withing a 2-3 weeks.. After me trying constantly and she was trying her best not to give her self away..
It got to a point I told her that I loved her.. and Ive waited for a week. Then when we had time together I asked her out then she said yes. So yes She loved me too!
Our relationships seemed so strong.. Like she would literally text me every morning for months! We would talk all the time.. Expecially first second and third months into it.
Then everything just started going downhill ever since she got so busy with her life her placement, work... Her uni work etc.. she's 18 (sounds very hard right)
Yes shes always have been very bright and motivated with what ever she does.. Shes bubbly, happy girl in general. Who's been loved by everyone..
In total I been with her for 7 months..
As far as Im aware of I haven't done anything extreme to lose her the way I did which I would explain as Im writing..
I did mistakes. They were "once i got pyshically close with a another girl. No sexual contact! Then I felt very quilty and I even told her the next day! Other then that I had a go at her couple of times, because I didnt know what she was up to and she never told me.. and my biggest mistake was that I told her 2 times I dont want to be with her.. I too apoligised for that. and she was fine with it. We talked and sorted it out
(I can be angry,jelous and unstable at times...)
Lately I felt that she was fallen out of me slowly.. I could just tell the way she talks to me EVERYTHING.. But I tried conviencing my self that it was only her busy schedule and the problems she was going threw..
I never pressured her anyway, I was never like that.. I gave her too much space instead!
Having these problems on night I exploded .. and I told her that it will be wiser if we can have a break..
She told me she feels confused, doesnt want to be commited to anyone..
Shes very secretive person, she deals with her problems by identifying everything and her choices seems to be right all the time..
How she doesnt want to hurt me either.. So yeh.. she wanted to break up I could tell.. After me grasping about it.. My friend called her (they know eachother) my girl was crying and told her if she didnt love she wudnt be crying, but she really needs a break from me!
I was devistated after all this I lost my self esteem, bleive I just felt very weak and still do. I loved her! (honestly)
I could never even imagen things could get to this stage. People loved seen us and they said they would get jelous!
What happend!!!
I didnt talk to her for 5 days. And I texted her too see if she was okay and she said. (she didnt expect to hear from me again.. like as if in shes shocked)
I dont know if i did the right thing there anyway...
I just dont want to hate her..
I called her after work when we was both working and told her that, why was she acting funny. she replied "i dont want to give you the wrong signals)
its very hard for me to determain things as im already in struggle with my life, family probs etc...
I just didnt know what to be done and said..
I even asked her if she still loved.. she said she did! then i asked her if she would every give an other try she replied " I want to but not now"
She also told me she would choose her friends over me.. (very close friend) from that i naturally folt that I wasnt even her prioraty in the first place.. am I wrong?
I didnt see her for a week after that.. then she texed me saying "if everthing happend when&how we wanted it to then nothing in this world would ever be worth waiting for.. u. Just a tought goodnight" when I asked her to explain she just said "in general"
Which even confused me more.. What is that suppose to mean??
I came into a conclusion that I should try somehow keep my distance from her..
She texted me again.. after 2 days reminding me of my appointment with my college.. (yeh doesnt mean she loves me, maybe she shows she still cares)
Anyway let me get to the main bit...

I went to a wedding yesterday and she was there...She seemed so fine.. Happy.
We even talked time to time.. But I could still see her feelings havent changed..
I dont know what was going threw my head but I made the biggest mistake and i got close to her psyhically.. I even kissed her lips.. then started to ask her questions to get answers) she seemed abit uncomfortable..
I had a go at her again and told her theres no point to be even your friend..
Basically I messed up..
(maybe I should of never went) We was drinking by the way..
Then the same night I said sorry to her and asked her to have a word with me.. and I explained her my sutiatin.. about my problems how I wouldnt want things like to be like this etc..
As I mentioned she just broke my heart into pieces i feel very weak..
She said it was okay.. And she told me she just want to do her placement..and Be free meanwhile..
She showed me her phone and she still hasnt changed my name on her phone with a love sign. which made me feel a little better
Yes she cares I see hope..
But it kills me been around her..
Not having to hold her..
I feel down I cant helpp it.
Should I just tell her? That I need a break from her too? So i dont have to text her or talk to her.
Only for the time been maybe shes never gona come back and im not ready for another heartbreak by ending up been her friend for real! or maybe she moving on.
Shes already seen the weak side me..
Is up to you guys to reply to this I just wanted to let things out :'(

[cmacattack1]

If contact with her is not helping you, and is keeping you in this miserable, unhappy state, you have to cut her off. It sounds cold, it seems harsh, but it's what has to be done. You are hurting yourself in a way if you keep talking to her, keep telling her how you feel, because the wound is remaining open and it hurts badly. You can say anything you want to, but the actions are what speak loudest. It speaks volumes about what she wanted by dumping you. It's nice to have you around still pining for her, it's a big ego boost. But it's not going to help you get her back. This is what she wanted, it's not fair to have you while keeping her eye out for others. And believe me, she is.

You have to put you first. And her in your life is not helping anything. Opportunities and new people are passing you by every day because of your focus on her and your feelings and attachment to her. Life is too short to waste it.

[Zane]

I told her that I agree with that break up. Made it easier for her... I just hope she wont come back knocking my door..
Thanks for the feedback..

[Gigabitch]

Sounds like you've been a pretty bad boyfriend and you basically wore her out. I think you should let each other go. You just cause each other pain.