HELP! Girlfriend has been talking to Ex

[berg101]

Hi everyone.

Okay so basically me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 months now, she had only a week before we got together got out of a 2 year relationship - he broke it off with her this time but the time they broke up before she ended it.

Anyway she was due to go to spain and 2 weeks before she went she went round to get her stuff from his house (she didnt tell me she was going round) then I found out that he had kissed her and she let it continue for a few seconds before pulling away because of me - when she told me she said that she realised how much she wanted to be with me and that she doesnt want him etc etc. I let it slide this one time and we carried on as normal, then the day before she was going to spain we had sex together for the first time which she said made her feel even closer. Anyway she went to spain for two weeks and we didnt talk that much cos its costly and then when she came back I started staying at hers most nights and we see each other pretty much every day etc etc. The other night we had a really deep conversation and she was telling me that she's falling for me and that she doesn't ever want to lose me - i felt absolutely amazing because that's just how I feel about her.

Anyway she went to Greece for a week on Saturday and on the friday night we were together and we were walking hand in hand to meet some friends and we walked past her ex - she didn't say anything but then he shouted back "you could of said hi", she started telling me that she wanted the floor to open up and just swallow her and that she felt really awkward and then she text him apologising - this really really freaked me out and made my mind start to think somethings going on. Anyway she's been in Greece now for two days and on the second night there she told me she's falling for me because im all she can think about, I felt great. Today I was talking to one of her ex best friends and we were just chatting and she was telling me why the fell out when they went to Spain and she told me that I could do better and then she told me that she had been speaking to her ex loads when they were in spain and that she was meant to see him before they went out there and that she still thinks my gf is in love with him. I know what your thinking - they aren't friends anymore so she could be lying - but it has taken me ages to get this info out of her - she was so reluctant to give anything away.

The problem is that my gf is in greece now until saturday and I don't think i can just sit on this - I don't know how to handle it - Im looking for some advice on what to do exactly.

Any advice would be massively appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

[TheCafeTerrace]

This is why you shouldn't start relationships with people who have fresh wounds, a week is way too quick to be having a relationship with someone else after a breakup. I'm afraid you might have caught her on the rebound. If I were you I'd tell her that she can take all the space and time she needs to resolve issues with her ex, and that you'll wait for her. You need to take a step back, let her get over her ex without getting confused by her concern for your feelings. If your relationship is strong then you'll have nothing to worry about and everything to gain - no more ghosts of boyfriends past hanging over your relationship.

[berg101]

Sorry I should have explained before that in September when me and her met we started seeing each other and then she went off abroad for a few months and we left it, she then came back and we started seeing each other but I wasn't ready for a relationship so she ended up getting back with her ex - we've always had this thing tho and everybody knew we'd end up together. The problem is he wants her back and I think she's just likes having him on a 'hook' so to speak. I do know that her friend does tend to stir trouble so that could just be her getting back at my girlfriend.

The strange thing is that her ex lives where we always go to the pub and see our friends and she's never tried to hide me from her parents or her friends and has never been ashamed of me, nor has she ever denied im her boyfriend - when she introduces me to people she says im her boyfriend - Its just not the thing you'd do if you were cheating on someone so close to home.

[smackie9]

You are over reacting. She should have just casually have said hi and introduced you to him on the street there (if she hadn't already).....that would have been the mature thing to do, but I can see she is doing her best to stay away from him and move on. The best thing to do is to keep talking about it, so she knows if something does happen she won't be afraid to discuss it. She has already told you about the kiss, which is no big deal it's him kissing her. And there no way you can avoid running into the guy. Look at their break up....they both wanted out, but as soon as he found out she was seeing someone, he wants her back, which is a typical reaction. Obviously he doesn't like to lose because someone else is with her and he is alone. Only time will tell if this all or nothing to worry about. Just keep your kool and your eyes open.

[nocluewhattodo]

sorry but the word you are looking for is rebound, not meaning that to be harsh but its obv to an outsider

[SunsetRainbow]

Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of the situation, but it sounds a bit rebound like.
I think you need to discuss it with her first, and maybe think about giving her some space.

[berg101]

Trust me it's not a rebound - I discussed it with her on the phone last night and she told me that if her talking to him upsets or makes me uncomfortable then she will delete his number - she also said that she doesn't want anything to jepordise our relationship and then she told me that all she can think about all the time is me, then about an hour after our conversation she text me saying "Im worrying about you so much now ". I have been the rebound before and also used people as my rebound and this really isn't a rebound. She spoke with complete sincerity and didn't start crying and trying to change the subject or make me out to be the bad guy.

[smackie9]

Is she that much of an idiot that she can't figure out that when it's over it's over and to remove that person from your phone list? She has had plenty of time to do it......how about saying that to her. I agree with stepping back a bit......she needs to re-evaluate this whole thing......in other words she needs to get her s hit together if she wants this relationship to proceed on an even keel. And you....don't be a wus, you stand up for yourself.....don't cave into this "all she can do is think of you" it sounds rehersed........she has been repeating it like a frickin parrot when confronted about this.

[VincenzoG91]

If she was really over her ex, she wouldn't still have his phone number in her phone.

[berg101]

I think that's rubbish - I'm completely over all of my Ex's but still have their numbers and talk to them on occasion. It's not a question of being a 'wus' or not, I seriously like this girl and I'm not going to jump down a ****ing rabbit hole chasing something that most probably isn't there. If she was seeing her ex behind my back I would have found out by now - besides it's always her that's worrying about me when I go out or see my friends.

She knows that if she messes me around or if I start to feel like something is going on then I will just end it straight away. I refuse to be one of these boyfriends that dictate their girlfriends lives, what they can and can't do... those people make me sick and that's not me!

I think the best course of action here after having made my feelings perfectly clear to her about her ex is just to leave it at that and 'go with the flow', if things don't change or my suspicion is aroused then it's evident that the relationship isn't going to progress further.

[smackie9]

I think that's rubbish - I'm completely over all of my Ex's but still have their numbers and talk to them on occasion. It's not a question of being a 'wus' or not, I seriously like this girl and I'm not going to jump down a ****ing rabbit hole chasing something that most probably isn't there. If she was seeing her ex behind my back I would have found out by now - besides it's always her that's worrying about me when I go out or see my friends.

She knows that if she messes me around or if I start to feel like something is going on then I will just end it straight away. I refuse to be one of these boyfriends that dictate their girlfriends lives, what they can and can't do... those people make me sick and that's not me!

I think the best course of action here after having made my feelings perfectly clear to her about her ex is just to leave it at that and 'go with the flow', if things don't change or my suspicion is aroused then it's evident that the relationship isn't going to progress further.

Well it seems you already have it all figured out. Best of luck.

[alex17]

"besides it's always her that's worrying about me when I go out or see my friends." that sounds like a typical cheater. They always have it in their mind so they think that you are doing it, Because they would. But also someone like me that does not cheat would be wondering who my girl was really seeing, if she said she was going to go hang out with my friends.

[berg101]

Everything that everyone has said on here has been exactly what I would say to someone on these forums but the issue is that you don't actually have any first hand knowledge of the girl so don't actually know what she's like. Every time she goes out clubbing or anything like that she always asks me to go with her or if she doesn't she ends up calling me half way through the night telling me she wants me there. At the end of the day nobody can be 100% positive that someone won't cheat on them, but I can't spend my entire life wondering whether it's going on behind my back because that really isn't healthy, nor is it good for this relationship and any future relationships. I think the difficulty I have had is that for the past week she has been away so my mind has had chance to wonder, whereas any doubt I may have had previously is immediately quashed the second I see her.

If she cheats, she cheats - that's life - plenty more girls out there!

[buzzer]

In your case, she still have that feelings for her ex and is trying to move on with you. Just stay closer to her to know what's going on.