Your female friend starts getting flirty with you - what do you do?

[boom43]

I want to ask this question in two different contexts. The first is you are romantically/sexually interested in your female best friend. The second is you are not interested in her like that but the friendship is very important to you and she means a lot to you. The reason for these two contexts is because one of the two is the real context of my friendship with my male best friend. There is no question that I mean a lot to him. He tells me often that I'm pretty much his favourite person. He loves me a heck of a lot - only thing I don't know is if there is a chance he could love me in a different way.

SO...

I've liked him as more than a friend for a long time. Our friendship is extremely important to me, as it is to him. There have consistently been barriers to me making any moves, but I'm feeling more and more like it is time to. I've decided that I have to, whether I get the answer I want or not. Now, I just need to figure out how to move forward.

Option 1 is that I simply talk to him about it. Tell him how I feel. Ask him if he feels the same, or can see himself starting to feel that way about me.
Option 2 is to start flirting with him - touching him, leaning in close to talk to him, complimenting him, etc.

What I'm not sure about is if he would be weirded out by my advances if I go with option 2. I'm not a particularly flirty creature, which is why I think he'd probably be confused by my behaviour and perhaps weirded out.

The thing is, I think in the long run I do need to just tell him, but I think that maybe the reason he hasn't thought of me like that before is because I am very much one of the guys and that makes it difficult to see me in a sexual or romantic way. I'd like to plant the seed for him to start seeing me that way by behaving more like a sexual/romantic prospect rather than just a friend. We have been friends for over two years, though, so for me to suddenly begin behaving very differently will probably seem odd.

I'm concerned that if I just talk to him about it without first establishing myself as a romantic/sexual prospect, the answer will be that he just doesn't see me that way.

[smackie9]

The majority of guys that are your friend is because they do have a sexual interest in you....don't kid yourself if you feel this is not true. You have two kinds of guys, ones that don't waste their time "making friends" with girls and then you have the insecure guys that befriend girls to get closer to them in hopes they will date them or to just bang them.

[smackie9]

Step one, start going out together alone. Step two dress sexy and flirt, message him more flirty. Step three hint at him to take you out on a date. Step four, repeat, two. Hopefully he will make a move, but keep those legs closed. Make sure he takes you out, hold hands around friends, and he calls you his GF to you and others. Once this is established then sleep with him.

[searock]

As I said on the other thread, I have personal experience: I fell in love with my male best friend, kept it hidden from him for a good 6 months, eventually spilled the beans and we are now in a long-term relationship (best I've ever been in).

Start by sending him flirty messages, convey to him the message that you are attracted to him as well as find him a wonderful person (which he already knows). I agree with Smackie: you need to spend loads of time with him, just the two of you. Dress sexy - without exaggerating. When you're with him, touch him lightly as you are having a conversation - nudge him, brush his arm, nothing too explicit or he might get the wrong impression. The way you look at him is extremely important. Exchange private glances when you're in a group of friends, have tons of inside jokes, share meaningful conversations. As soon as the time feels right *to you*, tell him you need to tell him something important and that might weird him out... and just tell him how you feel. Don't say that you are in love with him, just say that you like him as "more" than just a friend and have been feeling this way since quite a long time. Tell him you'd love to go on a proper date with him some time, if he likes.

After that, the ball's in his court.

[Sense of Beauty]

I'm going to deal with it as appropriate to the situation and if you're already interested in them or not

[Jack1]

I would say talk to him and see if he feels the same way. Perhaps you are both thinking you are friend zoned and so neither person is willing to make the move and see if the friendship can turn into something more. Like I said in the other thread on this page which is very similar you only live once so take a chance!

[Wakeup]

I fell in love with my male best friend, kept it hidden from him for a good 6 months, eventually spilled the beans and we are now in a long-term relationship (best I've ever been in).

I take it that means we'll not be seeing anymore threads from you about your insecurity about his love for you then?

I dunno, I certainly agree with what everyone has said about what you should do to make it known that you like him more than in the platonic sense but I'd be concerned with the fact that he's still very much involved with his ex. That's why I think nuturing the romantic side of your interactions will work far better than just verbalizing.
*shrugs* perhaps he'll make her gone if he knows you're waiting for him? Just don't let the drama of her and him and their past get the better of you ~ you already have a hate on for her (justified).

[searock]

I take it that means we'll not be seeing anymore threads from you about your insecurity about his love for you then?

I meant only what I wrote. In any case, it's irrelevant.

I think nuturing the romantic side of your interactions will work far better than just verbalizing.

She needs to do both things.