Advice please

[nugget]

Right, ex girlfriend dumped me in october, over trust issues and such. Thing is we have alot of histroy, and even now I feel that she was the one. I've been with a few girl, sure on the rebound, lately no. Its just i feel not as connected to them as her. We was together for three years.

Anyway, It got bad to worse as i begged for her back, said stuff i never ment and made myself look like a total fool. It just the fact I gave her everything, was there for her no matter what. And that is what hit me the hardest. So thanks to my immaturity I messed it up even more, to the point where i deleted her off facebook. We are no longer friends, and that hurts even more, as a friend told me the other day, if i had keep it shut, and remained friends, we would of been back together, as we were that close.

On christmas eve, me and alot of my mates went up town. We were in a club, and I passed her in there, working. She looked so so different, i did not actually recognise her at all. I took a leaflet of her and said thankyou, but was very cautious that she was acting very weird and that is when i did realise it was her. So me and my left and went downstairs. I came back up and said her name. She looked at me and said " L not now, i am at work". I replied, "ok, no problem cool". So a few a hours later, i pass her again, but blank her and don't make no eye contact. nothing, i was totally pissed, but I could still have control over what i did.

On Christmas day, near the end, i send her a message, wishing her a merry christmas and hope she got everything she want. She did reply straight away, saying "thankyou you too". I went on to say "hw was uni going", she said "brillantly thankyou" i went on to ask ,"I didnt recognise you, you still working at your old job", she replied straight away again, saying "she got it part time, may be permenant". Then I went on to say that i iv started a second job, etc and left it at that.

I haven't said anything since, but on new years day, I was thinking to send a message saying happy new year, al the best, I would love to be friends again, you know we connected well, a new year, new beginnings. But damp it down a bit? I want to show her that I'm not going to be smothering her. But I do miss her everyday, she is the last person on my mind before i go to sleep. She's the one xmas present i never got. Gay, but true.

Can anyone analyse like her convo? I mean she must feel somthing right? to at least reply after all the crap that was said, she could just ignore me or what. I don't know, there was crap on both sides.

[SelflessnHumble]

Right, ex girlfriend dumped me in october, over trust issues and such.

Whatever you do, don't take anything I say personal nor take offense, alright?
You say you felt like she was the one...you have a close strong connection YET you
had broken up over trust issues. Did you cheat? Did you lie? In either case:

Being a liar or a cheat makes you a Coward. You don't sound like a bad guy but your actions define you.
Ironically: your thoughts about her net you zero points because you failed to affirm your love for her
yet you did betray her to an extent and that can be irreversible for a woman, and can damage her self esteem forever.

I said stuff i never ment and made myself look like a total fool. It just the fact I gave her everything, was there for her no matter what. And that is what hit me the hardest. So thanks to my immaturity I messed it up even more, to the point where i deleted her off facebook. We are no longer friends, and that hurts even more, as a friend told me the other day, if i had keep it shut, and remained friends, we would of been back together, as we were that close. Thing is we have alot of histroy, and even now I feel that she was the one. I've been with a few girl, sure on the rebound, lately no. Its just i feel not as connected to them as her. We was together for three years.

Saying things you don't mean doesn't appease the tone and anger in your voice.
I'm glad though you feel the way you do (knowing it was foolish) but have you taken responsibility for what
you have done and put her through? I think it is good of you to admit your immature actions got the best of you.
It says good things about your character in that you see your error in judgment.

Comparing partners to the previous ones is what many people do and it's sad.
However she probably took notice each time you dated another girl and another.

So a few a hours later, i pass her again, but blank her and don't make no eye contact. nothing, i was totally pissed, but I could still have control over what i did.

You had no right to get pissed and hence: you've got to learn to control your emotions.
She acted as a professional, keeping a poker face while at her place of employment.
I can tell you that a woman is able to curb her emotional distress while putting on a happy face.

I haven't said anything since, but on new years day, I was thinking to send a message saying happy new year, al the best, I would love to be friends again, you know we connected well, a new year, new beginnings. But damp it down a bit? I want to show her that I'm not going to be smothering her. But I do miss her everyday, she is the last person on my mind before i go to sleep. She's the one xmas present i never got. Gay, but true.

Can anyone analyse like her convo? I mean she must feel somthing right? to at least reply after all the crap that was said, she could just ignore me or what. I don't know, there was crap on both sides.

No man or woman deserves to have their trust breached, nor should they be subjected
to lies, arguing yelling and/or fighting. Don't send her a text. Tell her in person like a man that
you'd like the opportunity to sit down with her and talk to her. If she asks about what
(smile on the inside) and tell her that you've realized the error in your ways and would like to
sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel and what you've realized.

But you've got to mean it.
THIS means no more lying (like a coward) and taking responsibility for your actions.
"I was drunk" boo doesn't cut it. Or whatever excuse that could possibly come up.

People can have disagreements without arguing/debating like a court room.
Telling her you've change won't cut it.
Showing her and involving her: will.
You've already proved that your words are FOS so she can't go by them alone: hence affirmation.

You also need to be aware things might not go the way you want and that the possibility of her
truly moving on is real. You need to be prepared and if this is the case you need to chalk it up
as a lesson learned that your direct treatment of her lead to your "broken heart."

[nugget]

Whatever you do, don't take anything I say personal nor take offense, alright?
You say you felt like she was the one...you have a close strong connection YET you
had broken up over trust issues. Did you cheat? Did you lie? In either case:

Being a liar or a cheat makes you a Coward. You don't sound like a bad guy but your actions define you.
Ironically: your thoughts about her net you zero points because you failed to affirm your love for her
yet you did betray her to an extent and that can be irreversible for a woman, and can damage her self esteem forever.


Saying things you don't mean doesn't appease the tone and anger in your voice.
I'm glad though you feel the way you do (knowing it was foolish) but have you taken responsibility for what
you have done and put her through? I think it is good of you to admit your immature actions got the best of you.
It says good things about your character in that you see your error in judgment.

Comparing partners to the previous ones is what many people do and it's sad.
However she probably took notice each time you dated another girl and another.



You had no right to get pissed and hence: you've got to learn to control your emotions.
She acted as a professional, keeping a poker face while at her place of employment.
I can tell you that a woman is able to curb her emotional distress while putting on a happy face.



No man or woman deserves to have their trust breached, nor should they be subjected
to lies, arguing yelling and/or fighting. Don't send her a text. Tell her in person like a man that
you'd like the opportunity to sit down with her and talk to her. If she asks about what
(smile on the inside) and tell her that you've realized the error in your ways and would like to
sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel and what you've realized.

But you've got to mean it.
THIS means no more lying (like a coward) and taking responsibility for your actions.
"I was drunk" boo doesn't cut it. Or whatever excuse that could possibly come up.

People can have disagreements without arguing/debating like a court room.
Telling her you've change won't cut it.
Showing her and involving her: will.
You've already proved that your words are FOS so she can't go by them alone: hence affirmation.

You also need to be aware things might not go the way you want and that the possibility of her
truly moving on is real. You need to be prepared and if this is the case you need to chalk it up
as a lesson learned that your direct treatment of her lead to your "broken heart."

Ok, I see what you are saying and it is very good advice. Fair enoug if she cheated or I did, I would of walked away. She doesn't know about any of the girls as I didn't shove it in her face to make her jeolous, because I do honestly care about her feelings. The trust issue started when she wrote many things on a student forum about my family, her family just about everything. Soon the sex started dying down, and this made me paranoid a bit. (Sounds stupid now) And I therefore posted a thread asking about the pill and if she did stil fancy me, fully knowing that she would indeed see it and know it was me. She found out and dumped me over the breach of trust over the fact that I could reveal such personal information. Kind of ironic? That she can, but I couldn't. So she dumps me, two weeks later asks me out again, saying "I can live without you L", that lasts two weeks and then she dumps me, and sells the promise ring she bought me on ebay (or so she says). But also she now has no friends at all hardly, and has resorted to hanging around with a girl, who cheated on her brother, but also stabbed me in the back over something else. I don't get it? Lonely? Desperate?

[SelflessnHumble]

Ok, I see what you are saying and it is very good advice. Fair enoug if she cheated or I did, I would of walked away. She doesn't know about any of the girls as I didn't shove it in her face to make her jeolous, because I do honestly care about her feelings. The trust issue started when she wrote many things on a student forum about my family, her family just about everything. Soon the sex started dying down, and this made me paranoid a bit. (Sounds stupid now) And I therefore posted a thread asking about the pill and if she did stil fancy me, fully knowing that she would indeed see it and know it was me. She found out and dumped me over the breach of trust over the fact that I could reveal such personal information. Kind of ironic? That she can, but I couldn't. So she dumps me, two weeks later asks me out again, saying "I can live without you L", that lasts two weeks and then she dumps me, and sells the promise ring she bought me on ebay (or so she says). But also she now has no friends at all hardly, and has resorted to hanging around with a girl, who cheated on her brother, but also stabbed me in the back over something else. I don't get it? Lonely? Desperate?

As I said earlier, women can conceal their emotions with military stealth and precision.
Don't underestimate her, dude!

Anyway, she had ZERO right to write about your family but it is her intent
I'm concerned with. I mean if she described identifying details then the next question is
does your entire town go on this same forum? 2nd, why did you not sit down and discuss what she
had done about you and your family? It is relevant because then she'd be a transparent hypocrite
using misplaced anger to punish you... Girls are wishy washy...Women don't play games
just like boys and Men. See? She doesn't have the maturity and unfortunately THIS isn't taught.
It is learned behavior...

Don't worry about what she does with her friends.
People will do what they feel they have to -even if it perceived as WTF or crazy.

If I were you I would head for thee hillz! And meet someone more stable and
who doesn't make consistent poor choices.

[nugget]

As I said earlier, women can conceal their emotions with military stealth and precision.
Don't underestimate her, dude!

Anyway, she had ZERO right to write about your family but it is her intent
I'm concerned with. I mean if she described identifying details then the next question is
does your entire town go on this same forum? 2nd, why did you not sit down and discuss what she
had done about you and your family? It is relevant because then she'd be a transparent hypocrite
using misplaced anger to punish you... Girls are wishy washy...Women don't play games
just like boys and Men. See? She doesn't have the maturity and unfortunately THIS isn't taught.
It is learned behavior...

Don't worry about what she does with her friends.
People will do what they feel they have to -even if it perceived as WTF or crazy.

If I were you I would head for thee hillz! And meet someone more stable and
who doesn't make consistent poor choices.

Thankyou for being so understanding, But the one thing i will do is keep her at arms length, give her one more chance, i'll offer her one chance. On new years, i'll send her a message just saying happy new year blah blah. Offer her friendship, new beginning maybe. Later ask to meet up as friends, not a "date", not asking her to meet up so i can ask her out or any gay needy stuff. Just have a good time as mates. That is all. As she suggested before it went really bad after the break up, we can still be "best friends", but I couldn't at the time.

[SelflessnHumble]

Thankyou for being so understanding, But the one thing i will do is keep her at arms length, give her one more chance, i'll offer her one chance. On new years, i'll send her a message just saying happy new year blah blah. Offer her friendship, new beginning maybe. Later ask to meet up as friends, not a "date", not asking her to meet up so i can ask her out or any gay needy stuff. Just have a good time as mates. That is all. As she suggested before it went really bad after the break up, we can still be "best friends", but I couldn't at the time.

It's your call on what you want to do.
Just a little heads up though: Saying "that's gay" or "any gay needy stuff" sounds pretty shallow man.
I mean what if whenever someone said "that's retarded" (which is still wrong) they meant your name instead?

I don't take offense but someone might.
I am the only one who posted here after all.
Just something to consider.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She clearly isn't interested in you anymore. Leave her alone and continue banging other girls. Don't contact her at all, and eventually she may come around.

[nugget]

It's your call on what you want to do.
Just a little heads up though: Saying "that's gay" or "any gay needy stuff" sounds pretty shallow man.
I mean what if whenever someone said "that's retarded" (which is still wrong) they meant your name instead?

I don't take offense but someone might.
I am the only one who posted here after all.
Just something to consider.

Sorry mate, never ever ment to offend anyone. I never ment "gay" to hurt anyone reading these.
So I went ahead and wished her a happy new year and good luck in her january exams. I didn't hear anything for a good few hours. Then to my suprise I received a "friend request' from her. I haven't accepted straight away as I don't want to seem so keen. I was thinking of giving it another week before asking about her actual exams, the fact that sje's changed her apperence so much, and if we could ever meet up as friends. Any advice as for that. I've kinda worked out over time, that showing that I will not be smothering her, she actually replies.

When all this time she could just as easily ignore me. As I have asked her in the past, "please block me on facebook, so I never drunk message you". But she didn't.