I returned the engagement ring..................

[ShashaMala]

I returned my boyfriend's engagement ring after a week of being engaged.

My mother was just too upset with me after we got engaged, and I just couldn't handle it. I acted irrationally out of emotion and I gave it back to him with hopes that after some time my mom would get used to the idea and eventually be ok with it - we would get re-engaged then. I thought that by giving her some time to get used to things, she'll realize that this is only natural and that she acted out of shock.

We are still together, this happened a month ago. Even though he decided that we will stay together, which I thought was wonderful, he is now becoming more and more bitter. We are unhappy when we are together, pick fights over the silliest things, and he has slowly decreased the amount of time we interact with each other to the point where we maybe get 10 minutes every day on the phone, if that.

He is blaming me for messing everything up. He is being cynical in that he makes harsh comments regarding my mom. He feels that my action was disrespectful, and disrespect destroys love.

When I returned the engagement ring, it was my hope that with time, we'd let everyone get used to the idea. Even my mom. Now, in retrospect, I should have kept the engagement ring. But also in retrospect, I am seeing a side to him that I don't like... so maybe everything DOES happen for a reason... help. : (

[lahnnabell]

Smart girl for seeing both sides of the situation already.

I'm sure you didn't throw the ring in his face, but you probably had a conversation about your reasons for returning the ring. However, I think you need to have another conversation, one that involves showing your understanding of how he's feeling slighted. That is a huge step forward to take, and it's not easy moving backward after that.

Could you be giving off other signals that indicate your hesitation to remain engaged or together even?

[Kayla]

Why was your mom so shocked? Are you really young or is there some other reason she does not approve of him?

[ShashaMala]

I understand that this was insulting to not only him, but also both of us in terms of what we were and what we were hoping to become. I know that if things turn out well, I will hear the fact that I returned the ring for the rest of my life.

My mom is hesitant of him. As is every mother of a potential son-in-law. He can be dominant and stand-offish at times, but I know better than my mom that he means no harm. He can be stubborn, too, which my mom doesn't like, and she thinks that I will have a difficult time with him. Those are all personality traits that just rub her the wrong way, and with time I am hoping she'll get to know him better and feel more comfortable. I am 28, he is 30.

[girl68]

Your bf probably holds my view which is this: If my mom didn't like my guy (without good reason) I would tell her tough luck- I'm marrying him get over it. I would listen to her concerns and address them first though but if she still refused to accept my decsion then yes, I wouldn't give a hell and proceed with my decision.

Basically what I'm saying is if it's true love and I know it's worth it... then yes, love is everything, even over family- if I had to. I think you are a family over everything else girl. Neither view I think is wrong... it's just not cool when they contradict.

[IncognitoSir]

These "personality traits".....are they shared by any other men in your life. Maybe your father? Anyways, if not, then I can totally understand where your bf is coming from. Personally that is a deal breaker for me. If your mom has THIS much influence over you then why would he wanna get married. Your mom is gonna be telling you what to do in your marriage. The thing that really bothers me is that YOU were happy with this guy (assuming so since you did accept the marriage proposal) and your mom throws a hissy fit and just like that, you call it off? I would DEFIANTLY take advice from my mother when it came to marriage, but I wouldn't allow my mother to control my life like that.

[VincenzoG91]

If you're really going to have a future with this guy, you need to put him in first place in your life. Even ahead of your mom. I realize not everybody will agree with me on this, but I don't see how a marriage can really work out if any other people are allowed to come between you, for any reason.

EDIT: Actually, I feel even more strongly about this. If you can't make decisions without your mother's approval, you aren't ready for marriage.

[FNM]

As said above, listening to your parents and bending to their will is understandable when you are younger, but at 30 years old you should be doing what you want to do. It's natural that you are disappointed that your mother doesn't/didn't approve but this is a case in point that you can never please everyone. By 'pleasing' your mother, you've offended and hurt your loved one. Shouldn't yours and his happiness be taking priority over your mother's? Sure, she'll be sad at first if you marry, but she'll come around. If you marry your man you'll be doing what you want to do and what makes you happy, which surely is in your mother's best interest?