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Thread: falling for a close friend?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    falling for a close friend?

    in recent months, ive developed a close friendship with a guy ive met about 2 years ago. we are both taken. he knows who my boyfriend is but i have never met his girlfriend. we met through mutual friends. we talk just about everyday except for when he goes to see his girlfriend on the weekends. I’m currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and it is currently pretty rocky and i dont exactly know where it is going. Anyways, back to our friendship. We basically grew very close and talk to each other about almost anything and everything whether it is our relationships, past dating life, gossiping about people we know, jokes, flirt, everything. He is someone I can talk to for hours and never get bored because we have so much in common and we are almost like the same person. Towards the beginning when we were starting to grow closer, he sent me a long text saying something like, ‘i know this sounds dumb but just promise me you wont grow feelings for me bc I feel like we have a really dope friendship” (i summed that up). I promised him i wouldn’t. However, as time went on and we continue to talk everyday, it was just getting more difficult and i DO have feelings for him. I’m not exactly sure what to do. I’ve never met anyone with that much similar characteristics as me. I feel wrong for having feelings for someone while I am taken and he is also but its so difficult. What should i do? I don’t want to ruin our friendship yet at the same time its starting to get more difficult everyday

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Canada
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    14,110
    Did you think your relationship with your bf was fine before you started your emotional affair or after you started it.

    If it was before your emotional cheating started, then why didnt you leave him?

    - - - Updated - - -

    As for your friend... stop talking to him every day. He has a gf and hes told you not to fall for him so obviously youve been as transparent as glass to him and hes still not buying what you are trying to sell him.

    Back away and stop putting so much value on him and you,ll stop your longing much more quickly.
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    6,314
    First of all, you should break up with your boyfriend. You are emotionally cheating on him and it's not fair to anybody. Let him free.

    After you've done that, you can think about your "friend". What you have is definitely not friendship by the way: friends don't have romantic/sexual feelings for each other, the only exception is when two friends are in a relationship with each other. Personally, I think that you should tell him how you feel. Right now you are lying to two of the most important persons in your life, your boyfriend and the guy you consider to be your best friend. It's a sucky situation and the only thing you can do to get out of it is to be honest, with them and with yourself.

    So, break up with your boyfriend and then tell your "friend" how you really feel about him. If he reciprocates, tell him that unless he breaks up with his girlfriend and starts dating you, you will go no contact in order to move on. If he doesn't reciprocate, tell him that you will go no contact in order to move on. If he reciprocates and breaks up with his girlfriend to start dating you... well, you'll see what happens. Either way, you will finally be free of this ugly situation.

    Valuable life lessons:
    1) never "make friends" with someone you are attracted to.
    2) Always make sure that your boyfriend and your best friend are the same person.
    3) Avoid long-distance relationships unless they are absolutely inevitable, and even then make sure they are just a temporary solution and that you will live close again after a limited amount of time.

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