Please help, I need advice from both men and women

[I am Andrew]

I am infatuated with a woman, I'm nuts about her.
Okay, yes I may sound like a "sad pathetic loser" who needs to "man up" to some, but, please.

How do you get a beautiful, amazing, cultured, old skool type girl who is way out of your league to even notice your existence? Please. What do I do? And yes, I am desperate. I always lose sleep over her, I'm one of those sensitive, hopeless romantic types. I cry every night wishing I'd wake up beside her, I don't eat and sleep all day long because it makes me depressed. And I'm nit ashamed to admit because I hate the idea of being fake and lying by pretending to be someone I'm not.

What are you're suggestions?

[AnErin]

If she is as great as you say, keep in mind that she probably has tons of guys wanting to date her. She is not gong to pursue you. It is up to you to start the conversation. In real life. Not over facebook, not over twitter or Whatsupp or skype etc...

It might be best to do one of two things -
TRY to get a date with her. worst she can do is say no.
Try to forget her. Easier said than done.

On an honest note - you probably do not know her real well and are putting her on a pedestal. That is easy to do when we like someone and imagine them to be perfect. Then we find out they are flawed... It is kind of the opposite of when we hate someone until we get to know them and find out they are not as bad as we imagined.

Remember - No matter how great someone seems; someone, somewhere is tired of dealing with their shit.

[TheEvilJester]

I know how you feel, my friend. I am a hopeless romantic myself. So, I may not have experienced this quite to the degree that you have, but I definitely have been there. You've heard the phrase "putting someone on a pedestal." AnErin even used it above. You are most definitely doing that right now. It sounds like you don't know her well enough, so being so infatuated with her that you cry yourself to sleep and are too depressed to eat is most definitely not good.

I know, from experience that this is hard to do.... but you need to tell yourself that she is just a person just like you. She may seem really awesome, and it is fine to think so. But, you have to remember that she could turn out not to be anything you thought she was. You could be thinking she is the most amazing, most awesome girl in the world, then you get to know her better only to find out she is the fakest, meanest, most manipulative A-hole ever to walk the face of the Earth. So, it is okay to put somebody on a pedestal, so to speak, so long as you also engage your intellectual side and remember that it is entirely possible they may not turn out to be anything like you thought.

Equally important is, if and when you do get up the nerve to talk to her and try to get to know her better (or, even better, ask her out) don't act like you are putting her on a pedestal. Just act like you are any other guy and she is any other girl. If she barely knows you, chances are she would not react well if you reveal how crazy into her you are. It is okay to have a crush, but you have to remember that the thought of dating you may never have even crossed her mind. That isn't automatically a bad thing, it doesn't necessarily mean you wouldn't stand a chance if you ask her out. It's just that guys usually are the ones to make the first move.

The most important thing, though, is you really need to learn to engage your intellectual side when you get a crush like this. Otherwise, you are just setting yourself up to be hurt very badly all the time. Like I said, it is okay to have a crush. It is even okay to get carried away with it a little bit.... to yourself. You can't help it if you are a hopeless romantic type. But, you also have to be realistic about it. If you two start dating, become serious, become girlfriend and boyfriend.... then maybe you start little by little to let her know how crazy about her you've been. Then it would seem sweet instead of potentially creepy. Though, even then it is still best not to overdo it.

Anyway, good luck, my friend. These types of questions are my favorite ones to help answer because I can relate so much. I'm such a hopeless romantic that I often times find myself becoming a little bit obsessed with girls even when I just want to be friends with them. Then again, I haven't had a lot of good people in my life, so it is hard for me not to want to hang on to the ones I do find.

[Mattiemae]

Really just be yourself. It's just treating her with respect. It's really not a big deal. Be her friend more than thinking about her as a sex object. If you are a true romantic, than you should know it's just about being love through your actions and words.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You sound like a sad, pathetic loser who needs to man up.

You will never get this girl in your current mindset, ever. She'll never see you as an equal because you've given her complete control over you without even knowing her. Anyone would be able to see that right away, and it's unattractive, and creepy.

What do you have going for you? Why would a 'perfect' girl like this want to date you? I don't need an answer, because I already know it, but you should think about it, and if you can't come up with at least a few things, then that's what you should work on. As focused as you are on her, is how focused you need to be on yourself.

AnErin is wrong. Gorgeous women with a lot going for them, absolutely will pursue you if you're attractive enough to them.

[TheEvilJester]

I could be wrong, but I don't think AnErin was implying that women would never pursue somebody. She just meant that chances are this girl is not going to be pursuing him. After all, if she was going to, she probably would have, or would at least show some interest. And, again, that doesn't automatically mean she wouldn't date him, or doesn't find him attractive. She just may never have bothered to notice. Most people don't go around talking to everybody they find attractive, but if that same somebody asked them out, they'd maybe say yes.

I will say, I very much agree with your advice, BackUp.

Andrew,

I definitely think what BackUp says makes a lot of sense. You need to focus more on you, and why she would be lucky to be with a guy like you. You don't want to be a cocky jack@$$, of course, but you need to realize that there are some pretty swell things about you as well. That may help you to see yourself at least a little more on her level. In the end, just ask her out. If she says no, then no biggie. There will be somebody some day who will say yes. If she says yes, then great!

Either way, good luck, my friend.