Is this a test? or what is it?

[Dreamygurl03]

I am truly not sure what i can do. I am sooo in love with this guy and i know he is the one for me. He says i am for him too. We have now been dating for 3 years and the last few days have been really rocky. It started on new years when he left to hang out with his friends and ditched me when we had made plans to be together. Then he leaves for nelson to work with his friend and then like 4 hours later his friend texts me and says my boyfriend didn't show up initially im worried because now i don't know where he is. I continue texting the guy who doesn't respond or answer is phone what the hell then i get a text back that says sorry your boyfriend stole my phone and just went outside...Now im thinking wtf? and after that nothing no explanation or anymore texts nothing? I want to know what is going on...people are telling me he is a jerk and i need to dump him but i can't do that I love him so much and it would destroy me if i did that. I don't see my life progessing with out him. I know that i may need help but i can't bring myself to break up with him..he says he loves me and he wants to be with me but does he? i am so confused? what is he thinking and how do i talk to him about it?

[Little delights]

When evaluating your relationship, take a step back from your emotions, and look at it from a logical point of view. How does he treat you? Is he playing with your emotions? Is he being manipulative? At this point, he is not treating you with respect in any way. Talk to him, express how you feel about the way he is acting. Bring up that he lied to you and ask him why.

[Dreamygurl03]

he treated me fine until new years eve when he left for his friends place. He is manipulated by his friends its like no matter what i do i can't win. His friends say they don't like me when most of them don't know me because they won't take the chance. I talk to him all the time when he is with me he is the nicest most caring person ever and then its like the devil comes out when he is with his friends i don't get it. Its so frustrating i just don't know what to do or say at this point? what do his friends have that i don't? And is there something i can do or am doing wrong?

[Boisdevie]

Is he manipulated by his friends or is that just an excuse. But for whatever reason you need to think about what you want from the relationship. Make a list on paper if it helps. Then sit down with him and explain to him clearly and calmly what's not working for you. Then if things don't change to YOUR satisfaction end the relationship.
And stop being melodramatic 'I don't see my life progressing without him' - if you're over the age of 20 I suspect most people have gone through the ending of a relationship and most of us still manage to just keep our lives together.

[Dreamygurl03]

You have no right to judge me you don't know me i am far from melodramatic i didn't mean that the way you think.. but regardless yes he is manipulated by his friends because he is different when he is around them and when he is around me.. its hard for me to express my feelings to him because he bottles his up he doesn't like to talk about them...I know that if i can't get this under control i have to leave him i just don't want it to come to that because i believe we can get through it i just need the advice on what is going through his mind or what hes trying to say. And i highly doubt my age matters at this point or makes a difference about how i feel in a relationship

[basilandthyme]

Dreamygurl, I think you're only giving us half the story.

You say that he's only been weird since New Years. But you also say that he's got a history of being led astry by his friends and that they don't like you. If the latter is true, then it's probably also true that you've had issues before this New Year. And I doubt your friends would be telling you to dump him if this current glitch was the only problem you've ever had.

Now, none of us can tell you what he's thinking. Sure, we can speculate - but that's of no use to you. The only thing you can do is to figure out if this relationship as it is (you can't change him or his friends) is what will keep you happy forever.

Finally, ending a relationship won't destroy you and your life WILL go on. And contrary to what you wrote previously, age matters a lot. You see, with each relationship we have, we grow and learn. And one of the most important things we learn is that we CAN recover from the end of a relationship and go on to find future happiness. Learning resilience is one of the most important lessons in your life.

[Dreamygurl03]

the reason that people were telling me to break up with him was because we had a long distance relationship for over a year then he moved to where i was and things were ok then he moved back and it got complicated but we worked it out and we have been living together now since sept and nothing like this has happened i know he was hanging with his friends a lot but ever since new years he has been acting weird. I know that people were telling me to break up with him in the past but not recently as a lot of people don't know about my situation right now...i love him and i hope to work this out and im just seeking advice. but i am not comfortable discussing my issues with people as this isn't about the past its about what is going on now.

[Boisdevie]

It's impossible for us to know what's going on in his mind. And if he's unable or unwilling to talk and explain how he feels then you either accept a situation you don't like or end the relationship. Perhaps he needs to know that you're not happy and considering ending things. It might just make him take the situation seriously.

[VincenzoG91]

Be assertive. Ask your boyfriend directly what is going on. Tell him what you need from this relationship. If he won't give you straight answers to reasonable questions and he won't treat you like you need to be treated, then he is the wrong guy for you. Life is to short for you to waste years in a bad relationship when there are better guys out there.

[geminimoongal]

Sound like you are dependant on him and no matter what anyone says you are determined to keep him. In that case you have to accept him as he is and forget about those feelings you have and that inner voice telling you things are not ok. You are scared and that fear of losing him is obviously strong. I know it's hard but you should take note of all these posts and really think about them.

[jolene austin]

It sounds really symptomatic of a co-dependent relationship. I agree with one of the posts above that recommends you remove emotions from the equation and look at it logically. Before you consider breaking up with him as your friends advise, find out what is happening between the two of you. You have a recent occurrence he has yet to offer an explanation to. Ask him about it. Tell him you expected to spend the night with him instead of having to search for him. How does he react when he answers you? Does he even want to talk about it? If to him it’s no big deal, then you have a major problem that will only get worse as weeks go by. There is a time when all relationships lose their fire, but without communication you’re not going to rekindle anything. You shouldn’t have any doubts, find out as soon as possible.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You're not open to advice, so I'm just going to tell you how stupid I think you are. I think you are very, very stupid.

[Wakeup]

he treated me fine until new years eve when he left for his friends place. He is manipulated by his friends its like no matter what i do i can't win. His friends say they don't like me when most of them don't know me because they won't take the chance. I talk to him all the time when he is with me he is the nicest most caring person ever and then its like the devil comes out when he is with his friends i don't get it. Its so frustrating i just don't know what to do or say at this point? what do his friends have that i don't? And is there something i can do or am doing wrong?

Have you been second place to his friends for the duration of the relationship? If the answer to that is yes, then why would you stay and put up with such shitty behaviour for so long? If the answer is no, it just started ~ Then get out now before he steals your self-worth and joy away, one disrespectful behaviour at a time.

but ever since new years he has been acting weird.

Sounds like he's already checked out of the relationship... he just hasn't told you yet. Any man who loved and respected you would have called you to tell you he arrived safely. Any guy who cared about the relationship would not do what he did to you. This is sad for you, but true. Do you see?