Drama, drama, drama.

[Artemis]

So, my question is kinda about health and well being. (Sorry in advance for length.)

To start, I will say that I am bigger, could stand to lose several ( a few more than several, but not terribly many ) pounds. So there's that.

I have been seeing a guy for about.. a year and a half now. We were in a secret sharing sort of mode the other night when we talked online, and in the spirit of full honesty, he told me that quote, "he couldn't see himself with me if I didn't work on myself." But that somehow right now he finds me attractive.

I'm no idiot. I know better than to believe both of those at the same time. Really though. Really. So here I was, bawling my eyes out, and he said that he had had no intention of making me cry. That he "really loves me" etc. Which, I'm beginning to think, is bs or self-deception.

At this point, I'm thinking of calling it all off, if only for the fact that while I want to work on myself too, I don't know that I can deal with that being a condition of our relationship. That if we do end up together in the end, I'm always going to worry about gaining a few pounds. For the record, I do love him very dearly, and he is in excellent physical condition himself.

I guess I'm just looking for a bit of advice. What would you do?

[vashti]

Ouch. I have no real advice about how to handle this, but wow - your guy was REALLY stupid to say that. The human body tends to get LESS attractive over time, not more so. I don't think I could live with the pressure, either.

[lilly1185]

Dump his ass,
hit the gym, and do it for YOU.
If you're happy with the way you are (if it's a couple pounds, big effing deal) don't change a thing.
Being physically active is always helpful, though. Don't change yourself for a tool.
You have to live with yourself forever, he can be gone in an instant.

I hate it when people dish out two-pronged statements like that. I'm willing to bet a long term relationship with this yokel would deal out more, too.

[NeoSeminole]

typical woman behavior: overreact about everything and blame the guy for your own problems. You've been dating this guy for 1.5 yrs and already put on more than a few lbs. If I were your bf, this would send up red flags for me too. I don't want to spend my life with someone who doesn't care about her health and doesn't respect me enough to maintain her appearance. How much weight will you gain after 5 yrs? 10 yrs? 20 yrs? I shudder at the thought.

[lahnnabell]

Whether or not the OP was at this point when they began dating, or gained a few pounds in the process, her guy could've used to be a bit more tactful.

To the OP, does this guy have a running tab of blunt and potentially hurtful statements? About you and/or others? He doesn't sound like a very self-aware human being. You may want to think about what staying with this guy could mean for you and your self-esteem.

[NeoSeminole]

vashti says:

"Ouch. I have no real advice about how to handle this, but wow - your guy was REALLY stupid to say that. The human body tends to get LESS attractive over time, not more so. I don't think I could live with the pressure, either."

f*ck off with that female nonsense. The guy actually handled the situation well.

[lilly1185]

typical woman behavior: overreact about everything and blame the guy for your own problems. You've been dating this guy for 1.5 yrs and already put on more than a few lbs. If I were your bf, this would send up red flags for me too. I don't want to spend my life with someone who doesn't care about her health and doesn't respect me enough to maintain her appearance. How much weight will you gain after 5 yrs? 10 yrs? 20 yrs? I shudder at the thought.

It was never said whether she came that way or it happened over time. It's also not mentioned if it's age, a genetic disposition, or a mean medical catastrophe.

If he KNEW she was about dropping some poundage, he could have suggested they run together a few times a week. I'm just seeing very little tact and sensing some overly controlling behaviour.

I wouldn't want someone breathing down my neck over every pound I gained or lost.

[NeoSeminole]

lilly1185 says:

"Dump his ass, hit the gym, and do it for YOU."

yes, break up with him so he can find someone better who actually cares enough about her health and respects her partner enough to maintain her appearance.

"If you're happy with the way you are (if it's a couple pounds, big effing deal) don't change a thing."

the OP said she gained more than several - not just a couple - pounds. For a girl, this is a lot b/c you're typically smaller and put on mostly fat which is less dense than muscle.

[lilly1185]

And then when said woman drops an ass ton of poundage, guys bitch because tits and ass are the first thing to go!

That's silly. If she wants to oaf around and he wasn't into being with oafs he never should have hooked up with her to begin with.
That's a huge life change to force on someone.

No offense OP, I'm not actually calling you lazy.

[NeoSeminole]

lahnnabell says:

"Whether or not the OP was at this point when they began dating, or gained a few pounds in the process, her guy could've used to be a bit more tactful."

oh? Like how? Give an example. I think the guy handled himself very well. He used the expression "couldn't see myself with someone who didn't work on themself," which is open to interpretation, instead of saying "you're fat."

[NeoSeminole]

lilly1185 says:

"If he KNEW she was about dropping some poundage, he could have suggested they run together a few times a week. I'm just seeing very little tact and sensing some overly controlling behaviour."

hahahaha, thanks for the laugh. As soon as a girl hears the words "we should start exercising together" from a guy, she automatically assumes he's calling her fat.

"I wouldn't want someone breathing down my neck over every pound I gained or lost."

nice exaggeration to try to make a point. <rolls eyes> I highly doubt this guy is scrutinizing every pound the OP gains or loses.

[NeoSeminole]

lilly1185 says:

"And then when said woman drops an ass ton of poundage, guys bitch because tits and ass are the first thing to go!"

hmm, nice body with firm ass or overweight with floppy tits... tough choice. lol

[lilly1185]

I don't think so. Even in long term relationships, tact and concern for someone's feelings plays a big roll.

Knowing how to communicate is key. If she was the one to bring up the issue "I want to be more physically fit." I fail to see how him offering to be a part of the activity "Perhaps we should run together."
Would be met with any argument from the female party. And I reiterate:
If OP wasn't concerned with being a health nut at the beginning of the relationship, and the boyfriend is, why date someone who doesn't share your core values? If not being a vegan was a deal breaker for you, would you date a carnivore? Really?

And to be fair: Weight gain and then loss CAN make your breasts floppy. When I was overweight, I had relatively perky breasts. While I'm lucky I haven't hit sagging territory, I have a fair amount of stretch marks.

[NeoSeminole]

lilly1185, what are you responding to? Without quotes to give a reference point, it looks like you went off on a tangent.

[lilly1185]

lilly1185, what are you responding to? Without quotes to give a reference point, it looks like you went off on a tangent.

My mistake. I'd thought since I was using key words from a previous post, all one had to do was refer above to figure out what I was referencing to. I'll keep this in mind