I'm 22 and a (newbie) manager of a medium retail shop. I work with this guy, aged 28, and at first was he was really sweet and helpful but recently has turned really spiteful. I would really like some advice on how to remedy this situation. I've done a brief background on what happened in the past (apologies if too long).
I got transferred to this store 5 months ago. This guy was lovely and really charming. We flirted with each other almost always and it seemed to increase in intensity and volume over time. There was definitely an attraction. Soon after joining the store I was entered into a management training programme (something he has been trying to get onto for years).
We continued to flirt with each other for months after and then ended up making out more than a few times. The bad part at the time was that he was already in a long term relationship and as a result of the kisses had a battle of conscience. He said he really enjoyed spending time/kissing me but because of his girlfriend we both mutually decided to stop before it went too far. He said that he wants boundaries and that the 'flirting' was just a game and he never truly believed that I would take it that far (at this point alarm bells should have rang since I was confused as to why he was placing all the blame on me but I shrugged it off). At work I pretended everything was fine but inside I was hurting like mad (I really liked him). Part of my new job role was to start managing but he resisted. He stopped talking to me over the tiniest and silliest issues and avoided me. I thought his behaviour was fair so I kept my distance. He began to talk about his girlfriend a lot more around me - directly or indirectly - before when we were flirty he never mentioned her. He keeps bringing her into work parading her around. Eventually after he found it in his heart to forgive me for those silly misgivings he started flirting again but always seems to lash out when he disagrees. Recently, his bizarre behaviour has attracted attention form senior management. They have warned him to stop lashing out aggressively which appears to have worked.
However, when we are alone he still comes on to me and I remind him of the 'boundaries' he wanted between us. Other guys flirt with me and he asks why they can do but he cant. He always states that if didn’t have a girlfriend or if we had known each other sooner we would be an item. Further to this, although his charm is very seductive, there are sinister undercurrents full of spite.
He is very critical over my managing style claiming he can do better and hints that I'm worthless and pathetic and he the one saving my ass all the time. He calls me nasty derogatory names but twists it into a joke. When with a group of guys makes obscene sexual references towards me. He says I'm ugly and disgusting and laughs out loud when someone compliments me the turns to me and says 'sorry but that was funny'. He turns our arguments upside down to ALWAYS be my fault and implies I made him behave in a way that gets him seen negatively. Recently, He has threatened to follow me home (even though he knows exactly where I live) and punch, rape, or stab me but again twists it into a joke. He also loves describing how much more stronger he is over me (loves to show it too by having 'play' fights where he forces me into a position where I beg him to stop and then apologises profusely if I got hurt) He enjoys describing what he believes my reactions will be like after he has punched, rapped, and stabbed me ie. crying, whimpering, dazed, confused etc.
When with a crowd of people he hardly even notices my presence. He try's to get away from me or act up in a way that proves I'm really the bad person.
I'm really worried. I don’t understand how I upset him so much since he was the one who ended whatever it was that was going on. In fact I dont understand any part of his behaviour/actions.
Any advice on how to deal with it directly rather than taking it through official work channels. I really don't want my line manager to know but seems to be getting to a stage where eyebrows are raising and suspicions are rising.
Thanks.