Who's Hiding Underneath "Mr. Nice Guy?" [Also Posted in "Love Advice]

[annon25]

Thank you in advance for taking time to read my post.


I have been seeing a man since April, and we made ourselves "official" at the end of August.


Incident One: He tends to leave his Facebook chat open. I've discovered a few messages with an old hook-up friend about how he has thought about doing mildly sexual explicit things to her, mentioned a photo he sent to her "awhile" back [asking why he never got one in return] and asked her if she thought about him when she...took care of herself. [This conversation had taken place after we were official...and at the same time he and I were Skyping...so essentially, he was talking dirty to another girl while I was in a sense...right there.]

Incident Two: I was on the phone with him while he was waiting for a ride. He said, "I have to go...call me when you get back home." and before he hung up the phone, I heard someone approach him and he said "I'm just talking to a friend.

Incident Three: He's recently turned his privacy settings on Facebook, so that he has to approve any photo that someone tags himself in. [I noticed this after I tagged a few of us together, and they no longer show up in his section of photos tagged of him]

Why have I had trouble leaving? I have an almost sickening forgiving nature. I've also concluded that there's a chance I've just made myself numb to these kinds of things. I also have been overlooking these things, and thinking that I'm over reacting. More than anything, he's the sweetest guy ever. I have a set of friends who are the hardest to please, and even he took them by storm. [That is of course, until I told them all of this, and they now want nothing to do with him.] He seems incredibly into me. He's your typical gentleman who pays for everything, opens all the doors, and the kicker, is that he exerts no signs of distancing himself from me. [a sign I've seen in many men who have their eye on another person/people.] He wants to see me every day, [which he does.] & is in constant contact with me all the time. Once again, does not seem like someone who is/would be cheating or have a wandering mind. Which brings me to my question...why does it seem like he's hiding me? Why does he treat me so well, and at the same time--can act like I don't exist at at?


Any input would be appreciated.

[vashti]

He's an attention whore, that's why. He probably doesn't want the women who flirt with him to know you exist, because they may stop feeding his ego. And he may or may not be unfaithful.

Of course, you knew all this. What are you planning to do about it?

[annon25]

I have no idea. Like I've mentioned, he makes me otherwise, very happy. It just makes me sad that I don't seem to be captivating him enough to be the center of his attention. [relationship-wise...not of his life.]

[vashti]

This isn't about you not being captivating enough. This is HIS character flaw, not yours. He needs attention from multiple people in order to feel good about himself. Even if you were the most captivating person on the planet, he would still not be satisfied.

[annon25]

What do you suppose the wisest thing would be to do in this case?
I don't want to leave, but at the same time, I want him to realize that he's going to be hard-pressed to ever find another girl who is as good to him as I am.
[and I consider myself to be exceptional.]

[vashti]

He may already realize this, but it won't change his behavior. Ultimately, I think you will have to decide if you are willing to tolerate his behavior, including the potential of him running around.

[surfhb]

Incident 1 is marginally questionable at best. This is an old "friend" right? He was talking about past events right?

Incident 2&3 are your typical female overthinking kicking in

he goes home with you everynight right? I personally dont see it that big an issue. I still text flirt with some girls from my past ever so often. Its fun.....never let my fiance know though hehe!

[annon25]

Incident one in more detail:

He told her he'd be thinking of "thrusting her," and asked if she was thinking of him when she used her vibrator [and once again...when he's talking to me at the same time.]

Secondly...why would he tell an approaching female...or anyone for that matter that he was "just talking to a friend?"

I can probably see the third one as over thinking, but he blows me off when I tell him if he's told anyone about me [His home town is about an hour away.] So it gives me reason to believe he's trying to hide me...

we don't live together, but he asks me to see him every night, because I'm the only girl within an hour drive away that pays attention to him.

[surfhb]

Incident one in more detail:

He told her he'd be thinking of "thrusting her," and asked if she was thinking of him when she used her vibrator [and once again...when he's talking to me at the same time.]

Secondly...why would he tell an approaching female...or anyone for that matter that he was "just talking to a friend?"

I can probably see the third one as over thinking, but he blows me off when I tell him if he's told anyone about me [His home town is about an hour away.] So it gives me reason to believe he's trying to hide me...

we don't live together, but he asks me to see him every night, because I'm the only girl within an hour drive away that pays attention to him.

This may sound bad but if you knew half the shit guys say or do without our GFs knowledge youd never date again. Just being honest here. I admit, Ive had some sexy talk with other women while my GF was not there. Never met up or cheated but in the day and age of social media its easy. Im not saying its right....just telling you my story. Like you said of yourself....Im a great guy!

You are his GF....he just happened to call you friend. Not a big deal in my book.

Calll the guy out and see his true colors is all I can say