Love, family, seperation

[Darkndlovely]

Hello,

I dont know how to really deal with this situation... I get easily stressed out, and worried. Anything can worry me. I am having this issue.
OK, here it goes... i just recently came out an really abusive relationship. I was a college senior at the time. I have been dating this guy for 3 years, while i was in college. i dated him my sophomore year, at the time I was running track collegiate, and was a fairly good student. Things started happening bad after my freshman year in college. I started feeling lonely, ugly, useless, that no one would like me. I mean everyone basically on the track team men side said i was ugly, and crazy because i was fairly quiet. i got involved into a sexual relationship with one of my track coach at the time, but hide it. I started lashing out the beginning of my sophomore year, because he would stop visiting, calling me, and act as if i didn't exist. Nights, I would cry. So i ended telling one of my teammates what happened and she told his ex-girlfriend. she was fine with it, i apologized to her but he was mad at me. Anyway, it went to one boy to the next, then i stumbled upon a boy i liked that i wanted him to be my boyfriend. (The abuser/Ex). He said yes, i asked him out.He was there protecting me from the past relationship i was in. Then the track boys, started finding me attractive, i dont no why all of a sudden. Then i contracted Clamidiya... I still dont know who gave it to me, I basically used protection from the other boys i messed with, except for the coach over the summer, and my recent bf. So, i think it was the abuser who gave it to me, cause i noticed with my body changing as i was with him. Anyways, i quit track cause, I started get slower, coaches ridiculed me, because i had an std. I wanted to kill myself, i didn't go to school, just act like a bum.
They including my parents wanted me to drop out of school, i didn't. I didn't even withdrawal like they told me to. I believed, and with the faith of God, I passed. That summer was crazy my mom would get in fights with me, ridiculed me for having a std, and telling my whole family about it. causing my little brother to tease me. My older brother suggested putting me out. Which my mom didn't cause she knew she was wrong. My junior year i got my act together.I went to school, went back on the track team where the coach had embarrassed me in front of the freshman by telling them how i quit on her, and how im fat, and my butt got big. Truth, is the coach been on my back about my weight since i first came to the school at 122 pounds. I ended up working my way through school. Got my grades right... so the abusive bf would beat me from time to time, one he was put out of school, i would get up in the morning to study for anatomy and he would beat me, he saw me in the mall with my guy friend beat me. It came to the point i went to the school counselor, and told them what was going on. She told me to leave and go back on campus. That is what i did. During that same time period my grandmother passed away, and my mother suffered from a massive stroke. I ran back to my abuser ex-boyfriend who, was already having another girlfriend. I didn't know this at time, he would call and ask for money, and i would give it to him, because he needed it. Truth he was spending it on his girl. Hell, his girl sent me and called me to leave her bf alone, saying that i was the abuser and i cheated on him. As time went on i heard all the people and knew the people he cheated on me with. The summer i went home i was severely depressed, i lost alot of weight, thinking it was my fault for the break up. 3 months i starved, and beat up myself for this guy. i wanted to kill myself over him. Who knew love could be that strong.
This new guy wanted to talk to me, i was not interested because he was around my ex and his friends and i didn't trust it since may. So i went back to school in the fall. I got to meet another new guy who taught i was pretty, he was a life guard. But, in the end he played me. I was talking to the guy i meet in may in October, he asked me for my phone number, gave it to him. Been, nothing but a gentlemen, wanting to take me out to dinner, movies. I thought i was a lucky girl. He even wanted me, to be his gf. I did, and moved in with him i did. The problem i have a sick mother, and my sister taking care of her, everyone in my family hates me because i moved in with my new bf. We have been dating 5 months now, and my mom has 5 children. 2 biological and 3 adopted ones me and my 2 brothers. The son has a family of his own 45, Sister 30 no assets, no job, no man, living of my mom SSi, lil brother 21 in Marines, lil brother 20 in college.

My sister said that I turned my back on my family, is that true. I send money home when i can, and visit my mom. Im trying to build my life too, i just graduated from college.
I said before i met this new guy that i would return home after i graduated to help mom.But i also said i was going to the navy.
My counselor said "I dont want you to go run and go home and help" Figure out, your own life. How are you going to take care of your mom if you cant even take care of yourself. my sister there cause she has no where else to go..

[pcmaster]

Looks like you are growing up. Its called life, you cant really escape it but you can cope with it better.
Stay near suportive people creating your own support system. Getting just enought help to make it possible to go on with your plans and dreams. Thats the most importand - dreams. Person with big dreams is more powerfull than one with all the facts.

Dont lets other things to distract you from your goals. Thats whats keeps you going - beliving that dreams do come true. Know what is your priorities and stick with them. Eventually over the years everyone will respect you just because you staying on your way.

People will hate you,rate you, brake you. But how strong you stand is what makes you.