I really need some advice from someone who are older and experienced

[PhuongyPooh]

My boyfriend is really upsetting me. He is in his 30s and he doesnt even have a place of his own. He stays here 4 nights out of the week, and my parents dont even ask for rent. He's the laziest guy i've ever met, and so into himself. My mom had to pick up his clothes in my little brotehrs room, he leaves his clothes and books everywhere. When my mom complains about him leaving his stuff everywhere, he compares himself to my little brother. "Why does he get to do it? and I dont? I thought you said that I'm not a guest, I'm sort of part of the family." When i told him that my mom complained, he makes some stupid comment like "fine i wont stay here anymore."

He goes through our fridge and that is okay with us, but then he needs to know that it's rude when he take the food out of the bowl in the fridge, and just leave the empty dirty bowl in there. I've told him many times not to do that, but he still does. Today he came home with this big huge ass bowl of potatoe salad, and he ate most of it and just put the bowl back into the fridge. It took up a whole section of the fridge. I was fed up, and I just told him that he needs to learn his manors. He said that he does that at his house all the time, and his mom doesnt care. Dude but you're at someone else house right now?! At least put it in a smaller bowl you know what i mean? When i told him not to do that, he made some stupid comment like "then I wont open ur fridge or bring food over anymore. I wont even put food in ur fridge."

ARRGGGGGHHHH!!!! When he eats at my house, a lot of time after he finish eating he just leaves the bowl there so I can clean after him. Or when my family prepare for dinner, he doesnt even come out and help, unless I ask him to. He's so focking lazy! I'm so freakin annoyed. When he comes over sometimes, he would park in the driveway and start fixing his car or some shit,e ven though he knows that my parents are about to leave to go somewhere soon. He goes into my parents room whever he feels like it, even if i told him to get out.

My dad hates him staying in my room late at night pass 10pm, and he still stay til like 12am. I told him that if dad caught you here, he would be pissed and not let u stay ehre at all. He doesnt give a shit! what the hell? When he goes otu with me, I can careless if he dresses like a bum, but around my parents they already know he doesnt have money. I only asked him to do his hair, and dress a little bit nicer incase my parents want to introduce him to their friends. He wont even do that for me! He always look like a big mess walking around my house.

When he walks in from work, he never locks our door. This one time I woke up to get a drink of water in the middle of the night, and the back door was wide open. I was like wtf? and he said oh i forgot. I have to constantly remind him to lock our door, since hes the last person to come home. He is so lazy to do that! I always have to check after him, i hate that.

I know no one is perfect, but I told him the thing sthat my parents really dislike and that he shouldnt do when hes at someone else house. He doesnt get it, he just doesnt get it! He keep saying but i do it at my house, and my mom is okay with it. And i go okay well if u were to go to ur friends hours or other peoples house do u just open their fridge and throw ur clothes around if u were staying at their place for a few days? and hes like "yeah" he thinks im nuts! He's driving me crazy. He's a great guy and all, but he just need to learn his manors, and stop thinking that im nuts! If I keep staying with this guy, im really gonna turn freakin nuts! he's driving me crazy. What should I do? I love him, he's a great guy and very smart, decent and all that junk...but then everytime I tell him the bad things about him, he doesnt change, instead he thinks im crazy or something.

When he tells me the things he dislike about me, I try to change and I listen to him. He istn willing to change for me, so I dont know what to do. I want to break it off, but then I do care for him. I dont feel like he feel the same way about me, because he cant even do those simple things for me.

[bluestrattos]

When you say "he's a great guy and very smart, decent..." are you joking? Because who reads your post gets a very different picture (at least i did). I see no future in that relationship, you love him and he doesn't. You do and take everything from him and he still not doing nothing for you.Next time he said somethin like "but i do that im my home" why you or your parents don't tell him something like "so why don't you go to your home? ". His behavior is intolerable for a 30 years old guy. You can stay with him for the rest of your life, but you'll never be truely happy, he'll never gonna change.
There's a song from Aretha Franklin, "Respect" that it's perfect for this post. If you don't know it, hear it, it might help to make up your mind. Good luck.

[Darkace]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thought u were talking about me like 2 yrs ago this is crazy but im nothing like that any more tho but still wow a 30 yr old im 15, crazyness he needs to clean up his act or u should give him the boot and dont listen to his crap interupt him no wait it wont work i know just tell him that hes not wanted here and have a place 4 him set up at a place 4 homelles ppl to go or sumthing i still cant get over that theres an older version of an younger version of me

[aussie]

i didnt read all of what you wrote but one question is he on drugs at all??????

[blue]

wow aussie before i even scrolled down that ? came to mind!

[emokid18]

can you imagine marrying this guy? If i were in your shoes, id drop that ****er like a rock.

[PhuongyPooh]

Thanks everyone for the advices that you guys gave me. He actually goes to work 8 hours a day, and he is a pharmacy technician. Since he's gotten this job, we havnt been spending any time together. When he comes home from work, he just wants to jump on the computer and "surf" the web. When I want to talk to him, it doesnt seem like he want to talk at all. He has to wait until I get extremely upset to start talking to me. I told him that we need to communicate, and we need to spend more time together. He just says that he's trying to change and make things work, but right now he's really tired and he doesnt feel liek talking. He just wants to watch tv, surf the web and relax. I mean it's okay, but it's been like this for a past few weeks. I just want to actually go out with him sometimes and have time to sit down and talk to him. He waits for problems to pile up, and until I get upset then he'll talk to me.

I tried talking to him again today, and I got the same answer "I'm tired from work, I dont feel like talking." I guess he just like to talk, but doesnt really want to do anythign about it. I even had a hard time asking him to read this post last night, he was like "I just want to surf the web right now." Finally when I got him to read the topic, he just said "those people dont know what they are talkinkg about" and I asked him, well does everything that I wrote in the topioc sound true to u? and he said yeah some what. Well if it's all true, then I think I got some decent feedback from people. He acts like he's so old. I mean come on! there are people who are twice his age, that are still working 8-10 hours a week, and has two different jobs at the same time with children and a wife to take care of, and they can do it.

Okay well he really cares for his younger sister who is 27y/o. He came home oday, and he is showing off how nice hs new cell phone cover was (he has the same cell phone as me). I asked him if he has gotten one fo rme. He said "oh no, they only gaved me two. I gaved my sister one, and I got one for myself." I was just sort of sad, because if I was him, I would get that for him because I know it would show that I care and I put him before my own happiness. Just the small things like that really makes me happy, becaues it shows that he thought about me and cares about me at least. He doesnt get it, he said "why are you so jealous of my sister?" I just told him that "i dont care if ur sister has a cover or not, I just wished u called me and asked if i wanted one. I would of said no, because I want you to have it, but it would show me that you thought about me at least." He doesnt get it.

Well I decided after talking with him in the car a few minutes ago, that I was going to end it. I told him that I think we should spend some time appart. He suddenly made some stupid comment like "youre talking to Jim again huh?" Jim is my friend, even though Jim is interested in me, but I'm still with him bf. My bf thinks that I just posted all of those things up about him last night, just so I can have an excuse to break it off with him. I told him, if I wanted to break it off with u, why would I post up this topic to ask for advice? I wanted to work things out between us. he doesnt understand, so I really want to end it. I care for him, but this isnt going to work out. He's just full of talk, but i realize he's never going to walk the walk. I'm tired of it, I can't take it anymore. I'm fed up with the way he's acting.

[kronos51]

You got the idea there I think. He sounds like a deadbeat to me. I guess when you ask yourself if you can see yourself with him for the rest of your life, I can't see saying "yes". Good luck ending it, and don't take any crap. He seems like one of those guys that only cares when its convenient to him. I say good for you

[abercromqt20]

honey you've got a good idea now of what being married to this guy is going to be like. obviously it's not going to be nice, for soooo many reason! i say dump him sorry ass! it may be hard, but in the long run it is what is better for you. you deserve better. don't settle!

[Jenrick285]

Hey, that sounded like me like when I was uh hrmm 22?
But we all learn! Damn that Everquest =( (and btw, eq is teh debil)
But anywho's...
His priorities are in line to what's in his life. Ie, he believes that you'll always be there and take whatever he'll dish out.
As for being 30 and still living at home... Houses are expensive =( Unless you live like in uh, Skokie Ill or somewhere... Even then it's expensive if you haven't been planning.

I think breaking up is the best thing to do, but you have to stick to your guns. And if he is tripping off "Jim".... let him =)
Guys mature a little slower...
Some slower than others...
Some just need motivation...

[abercromqt20]

haha skokie is pretty bad!

[Jenrick285]

The burbs, des plaines and ...everything.. is bad in general...
There's like.... nothing to do out there....
Part of the year you're freezing your arse off... The other you try to avoid the sun so you don't turn into a puddle of goo...

The City is where to be !
But like I said cost of living is like ....
"Would you care to deposit your first born as a down payment sir?"

[abercromqt20]

hey hey i have to live out in this horrible weather. i live in the burbs too! but no where near skokie. i live in the sw burbs of chicago. and ur right to live in the city it is pure craziness! too rich for my blood! maybe one day

[charmedone2000]

you have to make your mind girl, his more of a couch potato and bummer here .. so better collect your thoughts and break up with him, his not worth your time and love and shame on him to act like that infront of your parents .. he should look for a decent job his 30 he should be responsible and not living with you ... shame on him . Let go girl and move on you deserve better.

[vashti]

This thread is nearly two years old.