Why is it so difficult sometimes...

[NiceGuy022]

I'm not gonna lie and say I'm the prime example of how a guy should be with a girl but I'm not going to put myself down and say I don't know how to do it at all. Everyone has their faults but I'm damn good at letting the other person know how special they are from surprise flowers for no reason except for a smile to spontaneous weekends or weeks away. I like to think I'm good in the bed, and I have yet to hear a complaint but it seems after each attempt I make at a relationship, I end up getting walked over, blind sided and left feeling used and abused. From what I have read across many different sites and forums tonight is that it is so hard for nice people to meet other nice people and I'm so confused and tired of being walked over by females and I'm on the verge of frankly giving up and becoming one of those assholes.

What I want to know is where are all the nice people? Where are all the people who know how to appreciate something when they have it but also be honest with how they feel. Where are the woman who are independent but still enjoy the opposite sex without grudge? It seems to me so far, that as a sex, the females who are independent already have a grudge against men, regardless of who they are, because of some other asshole did something. Why is it that it is so hard for nice people to meet other nice people so that way we don't have to be so hardened by such selfish individuals..

Half Rant/Half frusteration and desperation seeking a positive outlook

[shh!]

If this is a continual problem for you, then I think at least half your problem is that you invest too much of yourself in the wrong people.

I notice that you named yourself "niceguy", so here is a common take on nice guys: nice guys are often perceived as having no back bone, and often have a dificult time setting appropriate boundaries, so they get walked on. Does this sound like you? If so, you have some work to do.

[Cain]

You can be nice without being a doormat. Stand up for yourself. Don't let her make all of the decisions. You need to make some.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, what do you mean by a 'nice woman'?

Have you made a list of desirables & then made an active effort to find such a person?

I happen to think that most ppl are nice. Its just getting the rest of the package you might want (brains, career, looks, same values as you, etc). There are ways you can increase your chances to find these women, but you have to know what you are looking for.

How old are you, OP? Just to give an idea of what to suggest.

PS - whatever has happened recently to make you feel this way, sorry that happened.

[Asparagoose]

Half Rant/Half frusteration and desperation seeking a positive outlook

I agree with shh!

There are nice people on both sides of the spectrum. You feel this way because you've probably met women who were not nice. I'm sure there are girls out there who feel like you do because they've met guys who were not nice. It works both ways, and you're not alone. Just like you're not the only man who respects women, there are plenty of women who have both respect for themselves and men, dishonesty and manipulation are beneath them.

I was in the same exact boat not too long ago. The thing with nice people is, that they're open, honest, and genuine. That's a good thing, until you meet someone who isn't. When you're nice and you meet someone who isn't, you're in a vulnerable position open to manipulation and taken advantage of. Maybe you believe people think just like you and so you trust them. To someone who isn't nice, who is looking to take advantage of someone for whatever reason, who is looking for someone to control for their personal gain or satisfaction or someone to manipulate, you become the perfect target. You also end up getting hurt.

Don't get frustrated. Yes, it's disrespectful, classless, and immoral behavior on the part of the manipulator. But don't try and change them, just learn to spot them out and avoid them. The same way you want to meet someone nice who you can give yourself to, take care of them, and love them, is exactly what you should be looking for from the person you're going to meet. You'll find someone nice, don't give up hope.

[Asparagoose]

I happen to think that most ppl are nice.

Yup. Most people are nice. Very rarely will you find an ill natured person.

It's just that most nice people have been hurt, and have lost that childlike ability to trust openly. Most people are guarded, only manipulators or the naive don't fear getting hurt or manipulated.

You might be confusing not nice with guarded. Just because someone isn't open or entirely genuine and themselves right away doesn't mean that they're trying to manipulate you or that they're not nice.

[celestina]

Try ugly women.

[Mish]

Or fat ones

If you find a lot of people using or abusing you it can mean that you are not good at setting boundaries. Setting boundaries prevents others from hurting you because they know that there will be consequances if they attempt to cross the line. It ussually takes guts to set up boundaries, because there is no guarantee that the other person simply won't walk away. Setting up boundaries means you are confident in your value and you have nothing to fear. It means you know that if the person leaves they weren't right for you anyway and you will find someone better instead.

[Gribble]

I find that for the most part nice guys come in one of two flavors. The aforementioned doormat and the two-faced sonuvabitch. This applies doubly to the "nice guys" who whine about having trouble finding women.

[lastwish]

Everyone likes to think they are nice people. Everyone is their own hero right?

People who only has "nice" working for them means every other aspect of their personality has failed them. Just be true to yourself, ok?