Should I continue and build a friendship with her or ignore her as much as possible?

[theoburray]

I’m 19 and there is a girl at work who I have known since late last year, we got along great and she seemed to enjoy my company. She always talked to me when she sees me and smiled, gave off signs (i don’t know if there intentional), and she sometimes stood really close when we were talking too. So I asked her out in late Feb and she says ‘yes’ but she never commits to the date and she says she’ll get back to me which she didn’t, I tried to relegate it to just a coffee but I got the same response twice again (this was about a month after asking her out originally). So she wouldn’t even have coffee with me and I pretty much fell in love with this girl so it really sucks now that it hasn’t worked out, what’s worse is she never said no from the start and she just kept giving me false hope and now it’s just come back to hurt me even more. Now after that I didn't look for any opportunities to talk to her at all, if we talked its because we were in the same spot and she started a conversation. It's a casual job so at most we can only see each other 1-2 times a week and that depends if I'm working them days so since then we've talked a bit and we still get along, I have no animosity or anything with her but I didn't want to fall in a trap again so I didn't talk to her if I saw her.

Now Today I had to do her breaks three times so we talked quite a lot and laughed and got on great, we really haven't talked that much in months. She still likes standing close, the eye contact, she even 'accidentally' (I don't know if it was or not) sort of touched my hand for a couple of seconds but I think she wants me to still be there talking to her and being her friend at work and I'm sure she'd rather I'm there talking than ignoring her but I'm not saying does this mean she likes me, does this mean I ask her out again, I have no intentions of asking her out again.

Bascially should I continue this and build a solid friendship or should I just ignore her most of the time like I did?. And I'm not waiting for her by the way, If I see another girl I like I'll go for it definitely, it actually happened not long after I first met this girl and liked her but this was before I developed very strong feelings for her. I don't think she realises how much she did hurt me (which I know wasn't her intention) because we've never talked it out because I feel it would cause even more problems.

I just don't know what to do, it still hurts and I'm still not over her but I don't know which route I should take. She obviously does not want me to be anymore than her friend for the time being but I don't want to just talk to her more to make her happy, it's a catch 22. It's almost like I keep falling into a trap and in terms of her being 'friendly' or whatever, she isn't like this with everyone. I know that I'm one of her favourite people to talk to at work without a doubt considering we are the same age, both enjoy going out and can talk about a lot of things. She is very comfortable around me and seems to trust me in telling me a lot of things (either good or bad) so yeah I've been friend zoned but I don't know whether to try harder and become a friend (which I obviously do not want with her) or to stay in the background and fade away and find someone who does want to go out with me.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just calmly tell her that you like her, but you can tell she doesn't like you the same way, and you'd appreciate it if she gave you some space for a while so you can move on from it. Tell her if she changes her mind, to let you know, but other than that you'd like it if she left you alone for a while. No need to go into your feelings or anything like that, she'll understand.

Building a friendship with her, will not lead to dating her, it will just lead to...friendship. She likes the attention she gets from you. If you do as I say, you will have your answer as to whether its 'you' or your attention that she likes.

[theoburray]

I could do that and I'm considering it thanks for the advice but in terms of going into 'deep waters' (in my opinion, I haven't had much experience with this) I wouldn't want to say this at work. I'd rather say it in a place where I can leave not long after I say it and not have to see her any short time after that. I remember when I really liked her a lot back before I asked her out, I gave her a lot of attention and if I was near work doing other things I'd go to work to talk to her but like I said the only times we've talked now is when circumstances have arose (like covering her breaks) or we have been in the same spot at the same time and she's started talking to me. So I really haven't gave her a lot of attention in months, she obviously likes me as a person and I suppose as a 'friend' (ugh) but she obviously isn't attracted to me and I don't think that'll change anytime soon either.

I remember I didn't see her for a month which was the time period after she rejected (albeit not officially saying 'no') to getting a coffee with me and I didn't miss seeing her, I was getting over her but mostly I think that was due to me focusing on another girl who I liked a lot (2 girls came at around the same time which is a rarity to me although this girl at work certainly was my #1 priority) so I know my main chance of getting over her is to find someone else but after suffering two failures this year, I'm not too keen on jumping into a third one plus the two girls I have went for have set a high standard and I don't believe I should lower my standards at all as I'm getting fitter and stronger and look better than I did even last year.

The worst thing is she doesn't realise that she broke me which is mostly due to the fact that I don't see her all the time and at most we only see each other 1-2 times a week (usually only 1, sometimes once a fortnight) so I don't know. I remember in January, yes January thinking about wow I think I have a big chance here and obviously that was inexperience. Some people might say I waited too long to ask her out (about 3 months after meeting her the first time) but that isn't that long and if she ever liked me, she would have agreed so it's a tough road since it's the first clear time I've been rejected.

[theoburray]

And at the moment I'm currently in a tough month in terms of uni exams so I won't be able to freely go out a lot and enjoy myself until late June so this is on my mind a lot of the time because of it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you're that busy with exams, focus on that.

If you continue this contact with her, then of course it will be on your mind constantly. Next time you see her, do what I told you to do then you shouldn't have to worry about it. Once you start ignoring her, you won't be getting all those confusing signals from her and you can start moving on.

[theoburray]

I'd hate to admit weakness but I guess it is probably my only option, but even if I say to leave me alone. It isn't because she is overly forward with me, it's all circumstantial like me covering her breaks or us being at the same place at the same time. She's never been awkward around me even after I asked her out but yeah anything to get this out of my head and for me to move on is a plus. I don't think I suspected this would end up like this seven months ago when I first met her and pretty much liked her straight away, I feel like I've wasted seven months of my life to be honest (just in terms of chasing this girl, obviously not overall in everything I've done)

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Okay, so in seven months you've got absolutely nothing to show for it. She's not interested in you, but likes the attention. You can't have those seven months back, so stop worrying about them. Like you said, she is not overly forward(I don't think she's forward at all), so you can't be sure of what her actions mean. If you want clarity, push her away and she'll stay away in which case you can move on, or she'll decide she wants to try to date you. No matter what you want, ending contact with her is the way to go. Don't cover for her anymore, don't make small talk, but also don't be mean since you have to work with her. Just ignore her, and next time she tries to talk to you, speak your piece and go on about your business.

[theoburray]

covering for her isn't my choice, I have to do it if I'm the only person who knows how to do her job but it's only for 15-45 minutes. I'm not literally covering her whole shift, she is doing the shift and I'm doing mine but I cover her while she is on break due to me being forced to bascially. But yeah I suppose I'll only truly know what she wants when I tell her this, it's really just finding the courage to tell her this.

[smackie9]

Dude this is how it is with girls. They can be emotionally attached to you, but not feel any sexual attraction towards you. This is where "mixed signals" get in the way. Girls are attention whores, so if you are willing to give it without the obligation of a relationship, they will keep taking it from you....this where guys like you, are such fools and fall in love. So what if you get along real well, that doesn't mean there is a promise of a relationship. You have been playing out this relationship in your head for way too long and it's gotten out of control. Here's another thing that girls do, they don't like confrontation. Her not following through with your date suggests is a big fat "I'M NOT INTERESTED!". They hate being blunt by saying no, they don't want to come off as a bitch, but at the same time they don't want to lose the attention they are getting, so instead they avoid giving you a straight answer and hope you get the hint.

Don't bother wasting your time telling her how you feel. She already knows this and the sad part of this is that she is taking advantage of your feelings for the benefit of getting attention. I'm going to tell what's going to happen....you confront her, tell her about how you have an undying love for her....she's gonna run like hell and avoid eye contact with you because she will see your hurt. Then she's going to realize the attention train has now made it's last stop and it's time to find some other sucker to get attention from. She will never talk to you again because it will be too awkward. The end.

Since this keeps happening with you, I assume this because of your story here, I'm going to give you some simple tips to avoid getting hurt again.

First off, if you like someone, ask them out asap. Not a month later but after 15 -20 mins. By that time you have introduced yourself, gotten to know them to the point you like to get to know them further on a date. Next tip, if they don't follow through with a date, don't give you a straight answer or give you a bunch of excuses like, I have exams, I just got out of a bad relationship...I'm sure you've heard them all....that means "NOT INTERESTED". If they say things like "Oh you would make some girl a great BF" that means not with them but maybe someone else.

To stay out of the friends zone, if they avoid a date with you, cut off the attention, ignore them and ask the next girl out. This will save you so much time and heartache it wouldn't be funny. You have to stop crushing on girls you haven't even gone out with....they feel it and won't date you.

[smackie9]

Last tip: don't stay friends with someone you are madly in love with. Reality check: there will never be a day when they turn and feel the same way....that is stupid false hope. Even if you say it's ok for you to stay just friends....you are not fooling anybody here, you are being an idiot. You won't find a real GF if you keep this up because you will be too busy living a fantasy that someday you will have this girl...

[HeartIsAching]

She's enjoying the attention from you, but isn't really interested in you. Probably best if you stop wasting your time.

[theoburray]

I agree with all of this, I have to pretty much cut her off and stay civil and not fall into this trap over and over again. But the only times we talk like this are when I have to cover her breaks or I'm starting as she's finishing or something which isn't going to happen anytime soon. Think I finish as she starts in a couple of weeks but it's different places so I won't be seeing her and if I do obviously won't be talking.

I think the major point is if I see her out clubbing which is a possibility in a couple of weeks for some big local club near us, again I'm not going to be forward if I see her. If she see's me, I'll find a way so I'm not wasting too much time with her and hopefully on that night I can find a girl who isn't messing me around. It's not that I despise this girl at all but I just can't really be anything more than a civil colleague till I'm over her and theres someone else.

[theoburray]

You are still young.. explore the whole world and be fearless....
There are so many instances that i hope there is a time machine that could get me back in my teen years...

Well my teen years are over in 5-6 months and I'm not going to have anything at all to show for it in the romance category haha :p I am still a virgin and 10x more embarassingly I've never kissed a girl so yeah I suck at the moment :p

[theoburray]

And she's a hypocrite coming off some of the pages shes liked on facebook in my news feed such as 'You only talk to me when it suits you, so **** you' and 'Don't worry, it's not like I have feelings or anything'. lol, yeah I think regardless of the feelings I have, she needs to be cut out for a while.