Time to stop talking to my best friend....

[caligto]

I'll try to keep it short...I met a girl, I didn't ask her out and was placed in the friends zone. I told her that i have strong feelings for her and was rejected. I accepted it and continued being friends.. That was 5 years ago.Now im falling for her hard! I think about her all the time and its killing me. She likes to remind me that she "loves" me as a friend but sometimes asks me if I would be able to stop if she tried something? Usually while we are out and tipsy...Which confuses the shit out of me. I try to distance my self from her and when I don't answer her calls or return her texts for a few days she goes crazy! Starts blowing up my phone...She told me that she only wants to be my friend but throws bs signals that she wants something more. I need some advice...What the hell should I do? I've been really good friend's with her for over 5 years. I'm always the one she runs to...

[vertical_sky]

I have a term for this: it's called "the sexless boyfriend."

Dan Savage also has a term for this. He calls it "the emotional tampon."

Whichever term you prefer, I'm pretty sure that's what you are. She's using you as an ego boost and a shot of self-esteem, someone to emotionally lean up and tease cause it raises her own self-esteem to think she has a guy who can always be the fall-back man.

Sometimes attraction enters a friendship. It happens. But a girl and a guy can still be good friends after if the person who is not interested sets very clear boundaries and encounters the friend to move on. This girl is NOT doing that; when drunk she skips along the "not interested' boundary, and when you back off for a few days, freaks out and tried to pull you back.

Personally, and I'm sorry that this will hurt to hear, but she's not interested in you beyond being something to lean on and increase her own sense of self. If she was interested, she'd date you. She's also not a decent friend. If she was, she'd keep the mixed signals to a minimum and encourage you to pursue other girls, not constantly tease that you might have a chance when she knows you had/have feelings for her.

[IndiReloaded]

If she's available you should be asking her on a date. Not confessing your undying love... just a date. Carry on from there. Good luck.

[VincenzoG91]

Hit it or quit it.

[caligto]

Vertical_ Sky, thanks for the great advice! The sexless boyfriend sounds about right. This girl has been trough Hell and back with her ex-boyfriends, from domestic violence to crazy stalkers and I've always been the one she comes running to for help.

[Rabbitt]

I was in the same boat as you , actually what you are saying with what she;s been through and then comes back to you for help is exactly the same situation i experienced. (including sexual abuse, stalkers other stuff like that)


there's a few things you can do and some you shouldn't do.

What I did to get a relationship was **** that playing shit and stopped by her place. she wasnt home but she called , I invited her in my home to watch a movie and thats where we started.

things you shouldnt do is get over your head , thats what I did wrong I also waited 5 years to date her and when i got her I kinda freaked out i got jealous quick always wondered what she was doing in short I became an asshole and she felt sufficated. but at the time i didnt realise it until now (months later) fortunatly I didn't waste my money on gas by driving to her place alot, I was just the more talkative person on MSN and IM. the thing is with our situation (yours and mine) is that when you finally get her after 5 years, the feeling is great , because you finally scored her you got her and she's yours now and I personally didnt know how to respond to that the correct way. you should keep contact normally when you have succes with her meaning you shouldnt text more with her, you want to slim it down to slightly less, making her contact with you alot more.

so in short:

Man up
invite her to your place for a movie

answer is yes? go for the score
answer is no? look for a different girl

If yes was the answer and she comes over just let some magic happen, make her laugh but dont give the feeling that your just a friend (about 20 mins in the movie I put my arm on her side slowly moving my fingers and toucher the side of her legs.)
If kissing happens good for you
if theres no kissing , dont stress when the night is over hug etc squeeze out a : i had fun tonight out of her

go for a 2nd date, (mine resulted in heavy make out session ,3rd in even bigger one 4th having sex with her)

GG from there.



PS its all about sexual tension, if there's no tension you are just a friend, if you can get to be with her and create some sexual tension theres a big chance you''ll hit it. atleast thats my way of getting out of friend zones. doesnt always work but has a good chance of succeeding

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Ignore her again. When she starts going crazy, tell her that you want a relationship or you want her to cease all contact.