Copycat attraction

[vaneigem]

Just something I've noticed recently, wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences.

To what extent do you think that who you're attracted to is influenced by what your friends, or other girls who you look up to, think of a guy?

There's this girl who I fairly recently learned has a big crush on me. She's the sort of outgoing, popular, talented, good looking rich kid you get at university-went to primary school at the International School of Brussels and then secondary school at a boarding school in Oxford, and all of her friends are from similar backgrounds, but she is sort of the queen bee, alpha female person of the group. She's incredibly naive but all the lovelier for it, I'm kinda outside her social group as I find their gregariousness a bit intimidating but we have great discussions on all sorts of interesting topics. I'm from a pretty bog standard background; went to school at my local comprehensive, speak in a thick northern accent, not all that confident or trendy, don't have a lot of money to go on exciting travels every summer, and I'm the first person in my family to go into higher education. I'm not sure why she likes me, but I think it's probably something to do with her considering herself really left wing and having a romanticised idea of people who aren't rich that I play into quite a lot.

Before I knew she liked me I was pretty confused for a while because her friends, who I barely know, have little in common with and are probably out of my league, would flirt with me a lot on the rare times when I saw them. One who I met while walking home even invited me back to hers for some drinks and we ended up having sex. And this has happened with another of her friends, who told me afterwards that the above girl really likes me.

When I discovered this it made more sense; do you think the girls friends, knowing that she liked me, subconsciously decided that since the alpha female liked me, then I must therefore be a desirable partner? Do you think you yourself do this without realising? When I think about it, most of the girls I've been with have got their impression of me mostly from female friends of mine who have a high opinion of me-sort of like a time saving device.

And also, do you think I should give it a bit of time before doing anything with this girl, seeing as I've slept with 2 of her friends already?

[ecojeanne]

haha my goodness...these girls sound like typical (and i'm generalising..not all are like this) rich girls who talk behind each other backs and steal each others men...it sounds like you're just a pawn, the object of desire for the moment.

i have seen this kind of behaviour firsthand, it's almost like watching melrose place!

i would recommend you leave well alone for a couple of months and then maybe make a move on the girl you like, if you still feel the same...altho i can't see it being that comfortable being between all the girls. it could blow up in your face after you start possibly having feelings for the one.

[vaneigem]

it could blow up in your face after you start possibly having feelings for the one.

Oops, forgot to mention, I absolutely adore that girl, I just haven't made a move because I thought I'd be out of her league, and also she's always in a big group of people and I think it would be difficult to get her by herself.

[ecojeanne]

Oops, forgot to mention, I absolutely adore that girl, I just haven't made a move because I thought I'd be out of her league, and also she's always in a big group of people and I think it would be difficult to get her by herself.

look don't worry about being out any of their league, i bet you have a much better character than they would ever have. these girls ask and receive and most likely have done this all their lives. not all girls who have lived like this are bad tho and maybe the girl you like is one of the nice ones. anyway i still say it would be better if you leave it for a while. let the dust settle...you just slept with 2 of her friends. and these girls knew that she liked you! seriously she needs new friends.

[damn2008]

The fact you slept with 2 of her friends might come up to bite you in the a** later on if you do end up getting with her.

If you do end up in a relationship, you might want to be forth coming about it. Better for her to hear it from you than her gossipy friends

[misombra]

you were raped.

[vaneigem]

The fact you slept with 2 of her friends might come up to bite you in the a** later on if you do end up getting with her.

If you do end up in a relationship, you might want to be forth coming about it. Better for her to hear it from you than her gossipy friends

They've already gossiped enough for her to hear about it, I'm afraid...

[damn2008]

They've already gossiped enough for her to hear about it, I'm afraid...

No offense...you might be done.

They'll find another flavor of the week to go after.