I'm engaged & mother-to-be-again, but need advice before I ruin this relationship!!

[awwsugar]

I have been seeing my partner Rory for 5 months now and we got quickly engaged coz we were so inlove, we moved in together too then I ended up falling pregnant two months ago and we decided we would get married next month so it would be less stressful planning with a new baby. I'm already a mother to a little girl from my previous relationship, she is nearly two and Rory has been quite good adapting her as his own.

But now I am freaking out and I'm starting to doubt if I want to continue with the wedding. I have always been a independant person, being a single mum and living on my own. I don't think I am ready to share my life with him and his family. He has quite a large family and I have a very tiny one just consisting of my parents, this is the way I like it. I dont want a big family.
His mum is also quite rude, Rory doesnt see it though. With the wedding she kind of took over and made it into a big ordeal even though it is meant to be simple and little.

I honestly dont think I can handle this yet. I think I just want to go back to living in my own home with my children and continue being with Rory but postponing the wedding and living together.

What are your opinions and advice?

No negativity please!

[surfhb]

If thats what you want in life why are you planning on something else? You and that baby come first above anything else

[mrFrog]

I agree that start a marriage only base on love is stupid. For marriage, you must care about something more. Does your relationship have a strong foundation for lasting years? Is this guy a good stepfather for your daughter? Do you understand his characteristics, believes, values...? How can you get along with his big family? I doubt that you're a single mum with 2-year-old child. You're kind of a teen mum, no, seems that you're a schoolgirl at age of 16.

[Wakeup]

Somthings for you to read and consider.. Sugar:

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/71435-I-don-t-know-why-I-m-with-him?p=836500#post836500

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/71575-Contraception

> Sorry, but I'm thinking you're far too immature to be having children if you are putting up a GD poll to help you decide whether or not you should stay with a schmuck. Surely you knew how large his family was and how close of a bond he had with them before you became pregnant? If not, then can you tell us why you would get pregnant before even knowing the future father of your child?

Please consider joining a codependency anonymous group or getting personal therapy so that you don't keep having children with men that are not committed to you or are treating you poorly or before you even know them. You mistake "lust" for love. Look out for your own emotional interests and the best for your children. When you have children your pursuit of a new romantic life should be taking second place to your babies. Learn (through the help of groups/therapy) how to love yourself before trying to be loved by another man. If you can't love yourself then how can you expect someone else to?

[IndiReloaded]

I ended up falling pregnant two months ago

You didn't 'end up' falling pregnant. You opened your legs knowing full well the possibility of pregnancy, given you already have a daughter.

Now you have a grown-up decision to make. I hope you will make the right one. I agree with Wakeup, you are not ready to be a parent once, nevermind 2x. My recommendation is you strongly consider your options about whether you want to keep this child. You already have the responsibility of one. Getting yourself education and a proper career is hard work, but possible, with one. With two, you are destined to become another burden on society and a welfare mom. Unless you are independently wealthy, which I seriously doubt.

Harsh, but the truth. Respect yourself more. Look to yours and your child's future. What you decide now is going to affect her *quality* of life, and yours, for the rest of your lives. This decision cannot be left to the goodwill (or not) of another (i.e. depend on a man to take care of you).

[IndiReloaded]

PS - check this post from another thread. Read your future and be afraid:

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/70999-Can-You-Figure-Out-this-Conversation?p=836431#post836431

[smackie9]

Postpone the wedding and take a deep breath. Him asking you to marry is a noble gesture BUT it is out of haste and probably pressure from his family to do the right thing. The thing is, is that you have only known him for such a short time, and you don't even know how he is going to treat you, or your child. Dating and living together are totally two different things, and rightfully so you should be more cautious, because it's not just your life this will affect, but your daughter's as well. Take this opportunity to adjust to a life with him, let him take care of you during your pregnancy and see if there is a future with him after the baby is born. He has never been a parent or had the responsibility to care for a wife and children before.....things could get real tough. You have every right to want to protect yourself, and your family, so you really need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel, and that things DO need to slow down.

[bcgirl]

Getting pregnant by someone u just knew for 3 months is plan old stupid. U have one child already with a relationship that failed, did u not learn n e thing? If u are getting cold feet about the whole marriage thing, then don't have to marry him. Now u will have two kids from two different fathers, I hope u will think more wisely with the 3rd father. When u marry, u also marry his family too. And don't be one of those wives that tells her hubby he can't see his family. He has a big family, u have a small one... The more u know him the more things u will find out about him that u may not like or agree with...should have took all that into consideration before getting preggers

[smackie9]

It's only two months....you can still abort the whole thing.....the baby, him and the wedding.