A few Issues

[Jazz2010]

I know I just joined, but there are a few things that have been bothering me. First off, I've only been dating my current boyfriend for about four months. Not long at all. But so far, things have been going good.

Problem number one::
Our views on sex. He thinks it's bad if it becomes a regular thing or if it's with any girl. It's okay if you love that person. I've always been told it's bad unless you're married. Well, my opinion changed. I think it's okay if you really love someone.

Problem number two::
Timing. For me, four months is wayyyyy too early. He's ready. I'm not exactly ready though. I want to be ready for him. But I still have that old mentality nagging at the back of my mind. I guess you could say my family has 'high expectations' of me. I'll admit, I worry about it too. I've been somehat avoiding it. I don't want to be considered 'easy' by people. He never pushes the issue though. So don't think he's just wanting sex in this relationship. So, we have both pretty much decided to leave it out for now and just go with the flow.

Problem number three::
My problems. We've decided that instead of actually sex, we'll just settle for the other things. Well, my boyfriend has always wanted to get me to squirt. We've tried a few times and I just can't do it. And I feel like I'm disappointing him. Not only that, but I can't handle giving him a bj until he cums. I hate it. It makes me feel sick if I swallow. And while he's doing it, I feel like I'm going to gag. But, I don't want to sound all sappy but I know he really enjoys it. I felt really bad the last time because I had to spit it out. I felt soooo bad. He kept telling me it was alright, but for some reason I felt as if I shouldn't have done that.

Any opinion would be appreciated. Really, it would. Thanks.
-Jazz

[Aegis]

1: My view on sex is that it's a great and non-sacred way to get rid of horniness, regardless of love or marriage, except that I'd demand sex before marriage, cause I don't want to pair myself with someone for life without knowing what the ride is like

2: I'm a guy, ideally I get sex on the first date...never happens, but I want it to

3: I don't think you not squirting is something you should feel bad about. I hear it's honestly not that common? And I can tell you from my standpoint, cum/sperm/whatever is f#@king disgusting. *I* understand why you wouldn't want to swallow that shit...perhaps he does too.

[starbuck]

You're a regular girl, not a porn star. Don't give yourself a hard time for it. Just enjoy it and don't worry so much about him. He'll have a good time whether or not you do these things. You should make sure you're having fun, too.

[shh!]

If you aren't ready for sex, then don't do it. You'll be sorry. Four months really isn't all that long as far as relationships go.

As for squirting - it is very uncommon in women. I don't know what porno film males have been watching to get the idea this is to be the expected result, but it just isn't.

As for the not swallowing: if he is getting to orgasm, I wouldn't worry about how it's happening. A lot of women don't swallow. If he is more sexually experienced than you, he should already know this. (Then again, if he doesn't know that it is rare for a woman to ejaculate, he may not be all that experienced, either.)

[misombra]

how old are you two?

[Jazz2010]

Aegis::
1.) Here's the points he gives me when we talk about it. I'm on birth control. He'll use a condom and he even offered to pull out if it made me feel any better. Good point, but it's still the fact of actually having sex. I've told him I want it to be with that 'one special person.' It made him feel bad though because he asked me if I thought he wasn't that 'one special person.' I know what happens in high school. Rumors and lies lead to heartbreaks.
3.) The first time was okay until about thirty minutes later. I started feeling sick. Second time was the same. So the third time I had to spit it out. For some reason there was more than normal. I don't want it to become a regular thing. As a guy, how would you feel if a girl had to spit it out every time? I just feel like he's going to get tired of it.

shh!::
About the whole sex thing, I'm really not sure how I feel about it anymore. I drive myself insane thinking about the two sides. Right now, I'm stuck in the middle. I can't pick a side. Sex, or no sex? And we both are virgins. We had never done anthing with previous girlfriends/boyfriends. So there's no experience at all basically.

misombra::
We're both sixteen. I know, that's really young. But we're both mature. We aren't those annoying high school kids that cause trouble.

As for the squirting issue. I always feel like I'm really close. He knows exactly where to go, but I can never make it happen. I've never done it before; therefor, I'm clueless. But I just had that feeling. It's hard to explain. Basically, I knew I was realy close. He always has to stop because he gets worked up. I guess you could say I get frustrated with myself.

[shh!]

Oh, hun... You are really still just a baby. I don't mean this in an insulting way at all; it's just that you have SOOO much to learn about sexuality, and you have only just begun to experience the pressure you will get from males about being sexual. He is manipulating you by saying "don't you think I am special enough?" That line is as old as the hills. (For the record, "manipulate" is being used in the sense that this boy is attempting to manage your emotions to suit his own purposes.)

At the age of 16, I'd wait at least a year before I even considered having sex with any male I was dating. If YOU are special enough for him, he will wait, but honestly, high school boys have the attention span of a gnat. He is unlikely to last that long.

And don't pressure yourself about ejaculating. It is unlikely to happen, statistically speaking. What you are probably experiencing is being pre-orgasmic. The women I've read about say that the ejaculate was a big surprise to them, no difference in sensation beforehand.

[Gribble]

Rule of thumb, if you need to state that you are mature you aren't. There's nothing wrong with that when you're 16. There's also nothing wrong with being awkward and hesitant in regards to sex. It should be enjoyable for the both of you. If you feel uncomfortable just wait. You've got plenty of time.

[MishkaLe'Ace]

I went through the same thing at your age. He really wanted that "sense of connection" with me and told me that "We will last forever" and all that bs. Thankfully I never did it. He was my first kiss, but he did not take my virginity away. If you have sex with him and you feel uncomfortable, the sex will not be good. Also, afterward will be the most awkward thing ever.
If he truly loves you, he can wait. If he keeps pushing for sex, maybe he is not IN love with you. He might care about you, but love the idea of sex even more. I would hold off, you will know when the moment is right...A year later I found another guy, and I initiated and was not uncomfortable at all. It was wonderful. I am truly thankful I held out.

Most girls cannot squirt. Hell, if he wants to keep on trying go ahead and let him try. It feels damn good right. He may act a disappointed for a little while, but he is a guy...He just got a girl off and is probably going to get a little something for himself so he'll forget. Don't push yourself, simply enjoy yourself.

Oh, and head is head. Guys love it. If you spit that is just fine. I happen to swallow. I have to put it in deep and swallow quickly so that I do not have to taste it though, lol. Most my chick friends spit so don't stress. He just got off, he is happy, lol.

[Jazz2010]

Oh, hun... You are really still just a baby. I don't mean this in an insulting way at all; it's just that you have SOOO much to learn about sexuality....

At the age of 16, I'd wait at least a year before I even considered having sex with any male I was dating. If YOU are special enough for him, he will wait, but honestly, high school boys have the attention span of a gnat.

I don't take that as an insult at all. I agree, I am young and still somewhat vulnerable... If that's the right word to use. But I do have to add he has never actually pressured me in a forceful way. If I say no, he accepts it and doesn't really try to talk me out of it at that moment. I think he is feeling a lot of pressure from his best friends though. His friend started dating this girl and within the first week she had stayed the night at his house and they had had sex twice. First off, both my parents and his parents are strict about stuff like that. We have never considered spending the night together. He has told me it's all about me. It's my decision for when I'm ready and he's not going to try to change that. But in an indirect way, he still expresses his opinion.

Rule of thumb, if you need to state that you are mature you aren't.

I'm not mad about this, but I think you took that the wrong way. I meant mature as in, we both know what we're getting into. We're dating to have an excuse for sex. We're not all about sex obviously. I've made it four months, longer than most high school couples.

[Jazz2010]

I went through the same thing at your age. He really wanted that "sense of connection" with me and told me that "We will last forever" and all that bs. He was my first kiss, but he did not take my virginity away. If you have sex with him and you feel uncomfortable, the sex will not be good. Also, afterward will be the most awkward thing ever.

He tells me sex will make us closer, but I told him it could also break us apart. That shut him up for a while. He is my first kiss, and the first to 'see' or 'do' anything. And I hate being sappy, but this is the first boy that has mattered. I never really had feelings for the other guys, I guess they were just there to have that 'boyfriend' title.

Most girls cannot squirt. Hell, if he wants to keep on trying go ahead and let him try. It feels damn good right. He may act a disappointed for a little while, but he is a guy...He just got a girl off and is probably going to get a little something for himself so he'll forget. Don't push yourself, simply enjoy yourself.

Wow, I got a good laugh out of that. =] It's true. But it's gotten to a point where he doesn't even want to do it long anymore. It's a few minutes, then he's done. He teases me too! It drives me insane. He knows just what to do to make me get the all worked up. Then, he's usually just all... blah... about it. I've told him that's like me giving him a hard one and getting all close and then deciding out of the blue I want to go color in a color book. Seriously.

Oh, and head is head. Guys love it. If you spit that is just fine. I happen to swallow. I have to put it in deep and swallow quickly so that I do not have to taste it though, lol. Most my chick friends spit so don't stress. He just got off, he is happy, lol.

Truthfully, I've never really been able to go too deep. Maybe it's worth a try though. And that made me laugh too. 'Head is head, guys love it.' Priceless.

[shh!]

But it's gotten to a point where he doesn't even want to do it long anymore. It's a few minutes, then he's done.

Doesn't this strike you as being incredibly selfish? I'd take this behavior as a warning sign for what's to come in your future.

[Jazz2010]

Doesn't this strike you as being incredibly selfish? I'd take this behavior as a warning sign for what's to come in your future.

Hmmm, it's hard to explain. I guess I can put it like this. When he does anything like that to me, it makes him want sex. He knows he can't have it, and he doesn't want to get us in that sort of situation.

[Aegis]

As a guy, how would you feel if a girl had to spit it out every time?

I sure wouldn't want to swallow it, so I'd never begrudge a girl for not doing so. You are a real person too...your wants/needs/desires shouldn't be outright dismissed just to make way for "etiquette" ...if you can refer to swallowing as that.

And as Mishka just stated, we just got off...we're in a state of euphoria...we really don't care about much at all.

[shh!]

When he does anything like that to me, it makes him want sex. He knows he can't have it, and he doesn't want to get us in that sort of situation.

So I take it this means he is now refusing the blow jobs you give because he is not reciprocating the favor?