advice needed

[adviceneeded]

Looking for some advice...

I dated a girl for almost 2 years. We ended our relationship at the end of August of 2007, so nearly 9 months ago.

I would describe our relationship as very rough. Neither of us cheated or did anything that low, but we would argue all the time about little things. We were both immature, and we both treated each other poorly. I've never treated anybody poorly before, but I felt that because I was treated so poorly that I just stopped caring and reciprocated the treatment.

Just to give you some examples:

- Once I was late meeting her downtown by 10 minutes, and she held it against me the entire night.
- Once she was hungry and I was not, and I wanted to wait a little bit longer to eat, and she then threw a fit and yelled at me in front of my friends.
- Once my friends wanted to go out and didn't want her being there, so I went out with them instead.
- Once she lost her job and needed me to stay the night with her, but I didn't want to because I had to work early the next day.

... the list goes on.

During our 9 months apart, I made the mistake of logging-into her Facebook and checking her profile to see what she was up to occasionally. This was a big mistake on my part, and I know it was wrong, but I couldn't resist doing it.

About a month ago I saw that she was in new relationship, and this really really got to me. After thinking about it for a few weeks, I emailed her and told her that I missed her. In her reply back to me she asked me to call her. We talked for about 15 minutes and she told me that she wasn't "in love" with her new BF yet but she might be there one day. He wants her to move in with him after just 3 weeks of dating, and she might move in with him by the end of summer. She says that he treats her like a princess basically. She also told me a few stories about her being with a few different guys during our months apart, and she even went into some details (making out and fooling around) that I just didn't want to hear.

I also told her that I had checked her Facebook, and she was upset at first but didn't hang-up on me or anything.

I asked her if she was over me, and she said that she was over me, but not "over over". She said that we could be friends, but that we wouldn't be hanging out any time soon. I asked her if her BF would be ok with that, and she said that he still hangs out with all of his EXs. Towards the end of our conversation I told her that I would add her to msn and she was ok with that.

The bottom line is that the conversation made me much worse off and sad than I was before calling her. I felt so guilt about emailing her primarily on the grounds that I was jealous about her being in a new relationship, that I emailed her later that day and basically told her the truth about everything. I told her that we were horrible together, and I apologized for emailing her in the first place. I told her that I wish I could have taken it back.

But now a couple of weeks have passed, and I think about her CONSTANTLY. When I say constantly I mean every hour, all the time. I thought about her a lot before (even before I found out she was in a new relationship) and even back then I toyed with the idea of emailing her/calling her.

Anyways what do you think I should do? I wouldn't be able to stand being "friends" with her if she is in a relationship. That isn't fair to her new BF but it would also just hurt me so bad seeing her with somebody else. That is I why I sent her that second email and basically blocked her on msn too.

But now I want her more and more every day. What should I do??? She's all I think about.

Thanks.

[clearskies]

i think i am in the same hoorible situation of oscillating feelings, sometimes u love her the best and at other times u just dont bear to hear her name... i think we hate what we missed in our lives more than our care for that firend. A new relationship will do u fine , more work and excercise will help u forget partially... be ware from the long minutes u have on ur own, i hate these minutes since i feel badly i need someone and that one will be no one else but my ex.. as if its something u used to. Remember if soemone changed ur perfume or toothpaste , that will put u off using any other one or cleaning ur teeth .... that is a bit similar , we got used to that person so we want him there with us...
i also get that bad feeling when i face troubles at work or life , although he was doing nothing to me but i still hope he was around so i'd tell him or seek advice...
hope that helps..