I'm an Idiot

[wdosc]

Which is, in itself, a vast understatement; but to my dillema.

I was with a girl close to five and a half years, with the majority of the time being long-distance because she moved with her mom (we started dating when I was around 14). Now, all the time we were together, we'd spend a lot (not enough to take away our social lives) of our time on the telephone talking to one another, always discussing our forecoming time together and how we'd be together whenever we were old enough; that sort of thing. When she came to visit one holiday, about a year and a half ago, we naturally spent a lot of time together and being in love like I was popped the question to her, which was answered with a yes. So, there we were sitting pretty at 18 years of age, engaged. But, she still lived far away. We'd always discuss living together, etc. but it just really never came together for whatever reason (her not having a job while I did and vice versa; money).

Well, when we both found steady jobs, we were aiming to save up enough money to finally make our dream a reality. However, because of constant problems with her boyfriend, a girl at my work and I became pretty close (talking on the phone a lot, hanging out, etc.). Now, the time me and my fiancee were together (the entire time) I never would have even thought of another girl, but the one I worked with was always in my mind. I was always there to comfort her when she needed it. I'm like this for a lot of my friends. But for this particular friend, my finacee did not know about it at all.

One night, this girl came over to my house to spend the usual time we do together. She was talking to me about how I'd make the perfect boyfriend for her, etc. etc... Then she started kissing me and things only get more intimate from there. To make this a short story, I started to develope deep feelings for this girl, the problem here besides the obvious...she couldn't leave her boyfriend no matter what he did...no matter what.

To make the rest of the story even shorter and to sum it up: I told me fiancee, we broke up. I pursued the girl I worked with but like stated earlier she wouldn't leave her boyfriend. My graduation comes...I invite my ex-fiancee, she comes and we have a blast together and end up together again. At the same time, though I'm still messing around with the girl I work with without my finacee knowing. When she finds out that I'm still "talking" to the girl i work with she confronts her and I tell her that I won't talk to her again. However, a week later shes back over my house. Me and the girl I've been with for practically my entire life are now not together because she found out about that time (we were finally going to move in together).

So I figured for my own wellbeing that I should definately stop talking to the girl I work with and try..try to be with the one i truly do love. The problem is, I really do like the girl I work with but I KNOW that my ex is the right girl for me. Despite the first part, I did stop talking to the girl I work with gradually. However, my ex is not interested in any sort of relationship besides being friends (which right now is going great). I think rebuilding her trust through an honest friendship would be my bestbet to 'get her back.' But...

I feel like I'm in a haze of sort. I know it's from my own wrong-doing but I really can't see an end to this, or a new beginning in any sort of direction at all. I guess what I'm trying to ask for is obviously advice and the same question I've been asking myself for a very long time now: why do I want to hurt the woman whom I really do love and care for.

[ecojeanne]

You sound too young to be settling down. You're in haze because you're young and want to 'spread your seed'. You are at your sexual peek and so naturally your body wants other things. I think yes you probably are in love with your fiancé. You know yourself its wrong to cheat, you have a struggle of loyalty and feeling like you want to explore. Be careful with the other girl, her bf might come after you. You really need to think about what you really want.

Maybe you're just pressuring yourself to be with your fiancé because of the history you have together. There is no need to feel guilty or pressured. You are better off exploring single than as a cheater because that will just break her heart worse than if you just break it off now.

There is nothing wrong with breaking it off but there is a lot wrong with not breaking it off and being with other women (which of course in your mind you won’t want to do, but physically you will) it’s a struggle at your age.

My advice would be break it off with both girls and have some healthy fun with single girls for a while. Get it out of your system for a few years and then later you will be able to decide what you truly want.

[Junket]

You sound too young to be settling down. You're in haze because you're young and want to 'spread your seed'. You are at your sexual peek and so naturally your body wants other things. I think yes you probably are in love with your fiancé. You know yourself its wrong to cheat, you have a struggle of loyalty and feeling like you want to explore. Be careful with the other girl, her bf might come after you. You really need to think about what you really want.

Maybe you're just pressuring yourself to be with your fiancé because of the history you have together. There is no need to feel guilty or pressured. You are better off exploring single than as a cheater because that will just break her heart worse than if you just break it off now.

There is nothing wrong with breaking it off but there is a lot wrong with not breaking it off and being with other women (which of course in your mind you won’t want to do, but physically you will) it’s a struggle at your age.

My advice would be break it off with both girls and have some healthy fun with single girls for a while. Get it out of your system for a few years and then later you will be able to decide what you truly want.

I agree wit this post.