Love over a decade

[mweiss]

I have a situation here which I never thought I will be in ever and now I am having a knee jerk situation not knowing how to go about it. I am 30 year old man married happily with a kid, successful in career and love my wifey a lot. We got married pretty early, was a kind of frenzy those days, anyways thats not the point here. In my college there was a girl whom I loved a lot but the day I was going to propose her just the night before someone did propose her and she accepted it. It was kind of a huge shock for me as you can understand and I could not stand it. I still waited for a year or so incase they break up, didnt happen. I needed company and somehow I fell in love with a friend of mine and again... the day I proposed her in a week I came to know that my first love had a break up and she is terribly upset. But I was a man of values and decided not to go back to her. At the sametime I was selected for one of the top grad univs and rated among top 17 scholars in the country and my first love was as well selected in one of the top univs around (not my univ though). So after the first year I called her for the last time just because I wanted to know how she is. She was in love once more but her bf was very abusive. Thats it 10 years, no see, no facebook, no emails, basically nothing. Sometimes I would just for fun google her name and there she is as a top analyst at a bank. I am one of the lucky ones to have a wonderful supportive wife and she really loves me as I do as well. The only thing which she cannot give me is the intellectual satisfaction which ofcourse is important to me, but hey no one is perfect. If they say you could never get rid of your first love, damn right its tooo difficult. I know why I love my first love so much, I love her intelligence and of course how she looks. I just added her to my facebook after a lot of ifs and buts and she replied like getting back a very old friend. She is no longer in love neither married. I finally got to call her one nice evening and we chatted for an hour or so. Of course she doesnot know how I felt about her and I did not give her any hint till date. Sometimes I feel I should get a second chance to start and a second chance to see how it feels to live my life with her. I might not be able to pull it off might not even try, but she will be preserved safe in a wonderful place. I will give it a chance to atleast make her a business partner someday I dont know, atleast I will have reason to be in touch with her. What do you think I should do?

[Mathias]

And you're married?

Work on your marriage.

[devonbrown]

I agree. Work on your marriage. Keep this person in your memory where she belongs, in the past.

I understand missing the intellectual challenge of her, but you can have that as friends only.

I am confused about something though. You said you were going to propose to her but someone else asked her first. Do you mean you were going to ask her out? Or propose marriage. If it is proposing marriage, then how can she not know how you felt?

Concentrate on your marriage and making that work. Keep perspective on things.

[Fairydust]

The grass isn't always greener and if you choose to leave your family for this woman then there is no going back. Tread carefully.

I agree with everyone else that you should work on your marriage and try and put thoughts of this other woman out of your head.

When you were going to propose to her were you actually an item? I am confused as to how someone else got there before you...