Am I just being unreasonable?

[Cain]

Over the last couple of weeks my girl and I have gotten into a few arguments. For the most part, however, they've been about the same thing. Her ex. When we first got together she told me about all the mean shit he's said or done and that put a sour taste in my mouth. Then, when he found out we were together, he tried to sabotage it. I heard the mean things he said to her in voicemails when he was calling while she was with me, and at one point he even said he was going to cut my throat (I decided to go to his apartment then and when he found out I was on my way... he bailed). Basically, after all of this, I hate the guy and want nothing more than to beat his ass.

She still has an apartment with him so she has to contact him in order to pay the rent, pay some of the bills, and now work on making arrangements to clean it and move things out. I don't mind that because she has ties to him. They aren't living together and they haven't been since they broke up apparently. She has been over at my house for two months now. The contact is more than just making arrangements now. They can have pleasant conversations without hating each other and they can ask how the other is doing, etc... I don't like it. She thinks he has no desire to get her back and it's not that I don't trust her... it's just that I don't want him talking to her. We got into a major fight about this whole thing yesterday where I was ready to kick her and her shit out but we worked through it. She ended up telling him we fought and he later asked what about. She didn't tell him, but the fact that she even mentioned we got into it pisses me off because he shouldn't know a damn thing about our life.

It just pisses me off because she doesn't see why I care about whether they talk or not. She has said they won't be hanging out ever but I don't really buy that. I saw in her phone that he said they should hang out and she said she could for a bit after work today or all day tomorrow. She wants him to fix her car (he dented it) and a few other things, but hanging out for a bit after work seems a little too social.

I guess what bugs me the most is that I don't feel like I get the same privileges. She basically got into it with me one day because a girl that I know that didn't know I was in a relationship said she wanted to have sex with me and so my girl got pissed and one day sent her a text on my phone telling her to never talk to me again and if she did her number would be blocked... all because she said she wanted to sex me when she thought I was single. It turns out that one of my girl's friends said that he wanted to sex her even though he knew I was in a relationship with her and he said she could just say it was two friends working out. But I couldn't tell him to **** off, apparently, because she has been friends with him for 10 years and I was only friends with the other girl for like 6 months.

All I want to know is if I'm really being that unreasonable about her ex. I'm not used to exes remaining friends. I don't like it. She said that she doesn't want him to come between us, but if he does it's because she let him. Honestly, if someone that she talks to really bothers me then she should end the contact. I'd do the same for her. So long as it was reasonable. She told me that she would choose me over talking to him if she had to but she would be really mad at me for making her choose. Really? **** that.

[Yggdrasil]

LOL... Can I come live in with you in exchange for companionship and sexual favours?

Open your eyes.

[Cain]

LOL... Can I come live in with you in exchange for companionship and sexual favours?

Open your eyes.

Feel free to expand on your post.

I don't suspect that there's anything going on between them. She didn't have to come stay with me. He moved out before I came into the picture and so she could have stayed at her apartment. They've been broken up for three months before we got together. I don't suspect that she's ****ing him or that she's secretly going to leave me for him. My problem is that she just doesn't hate him anymore and so she's able to talk to him more.

She's only 19 and she was with him for three years. At one point, apparently, he was her bf and her best friend and so she's having a hard time with the idea that he'd be out of her life completely.

[vashti]

Well, she has business to take care of with this guy, and it seems that being friendly would make that easier.

I don't like the idea of her threatening other people who contact you. It's inappropriate. I guess it's pretty common for girls that age, though.

[Yggdrasil]

Feel free to expand on your post.

OK, I'll expand:

Do you feel like she is treating you with the respect and dignity you deserve and keeps your feelings about the situation in mind?

Or do you feel more like she couldn't care less about how you feel about the situation eventhough you told her you're not very impressed with it?

[Cain]

Well, she has business to take care of with this guy, and it seems that being friendly would make that easier.

I don't like the idea of her threatening other people who contact you. It's inappropriate. I guess it's pretty common for girls that age, though.

It's more or less the fact that once the apartment is done (which is in July), she still has no problem talking to him on the phone and through texts. I feel that once the apartment is done there should be no contact between them.

[Cain]

OK, I'll expand:

Do you feel like she is treating you with the respect and dignity you deserve and keeps your feelings about the situation in mind?

Or do you feel more like she couldn't care less about how you feel about the situation eventhough you told her you're not very impressed with it?

She doesn't come out and say, "you know... I don't give a shit if it bothers you." She isn't being a bitch... she just doesn't see why it bothers me. And so I decided to ask around and see if I was being unreasonable.

She's always been thoughtful about my feelings and if something is bothering me she wants to know about it. She's just having a hard time completely letting go it seems.

[vashti]

It's more or less the fact that once the apartment is done (which is in July), she still has no problem talking to him on the phone and through texts. I feel that once the apartment is done there should be no contact between them.

Why don't you worry about that when the time comes? Contact will probably fizzle out on its own, without you having to say a word. I mean, it sounds like she is quite possessive of you, which means she cares about you. I would work on building that up so she doesn't really WANT to maintain contact.

[Cain]

Why don't you worry about that when the time comes? Contact will probably fizzle out on its own, without you having to say a word. I mean, it sounds like she is quite possessive of you, which means she cares about you. I would work on building that up so she doesn't really WANT to maintain contact.

That wouldn't have been so difficult had I not felt like she has a double standard.

[Yggdrasil]

She doesn't come out and say, "you know... I don't give a shit if it bothers you." She isn't being a bitch... she just doesn't see why it bothers me. And so I decided to ask around and see if I was being unreasonable.

She's always been thoughtful about my feelings and if something is bothering me she wants to know about it. She's just having a hard time completely letting go it seems.

She doesn't seem to be very thoughtfull about your feelings right now, does she?

Whatever, it's your life. Live and learn.

[vashti]

That wouldn't have been so difficult had I not felt like she has a double standard.

Yes, but her circumstance is a little bit different than yours if they own property together. Does she maintain contact with her other ex-boyfriends?

Personally, I wouldn't allow her to make hostile threats to other girls that contact you that don't even know you are unavailable. She needs to give you the opportunity to let people know on your own.

[Cain]

Yes, but her circumstance is a little bit different than yours if they own property together. Does she maintain contact with her other ex-boyfriends?

Personally, I wouldn't allow her to make hostile threats to other girls that contact you that don't even know you are unavailable. She needs to give you the opportunity to let people know on your own.

I told the girl I was taken. And since the girl now knew I was taken, my gf decided that meant that she should now stop contacting me.

EDIT: And, no, that's the only ex that I know she still contacts. But they have conversations that have shit to do with an apartment. That's what irritates me. The conversations should be once every week or two at most and shouldn't be very long at all. He texts her nearly every day.

[Cain]

She doesn't seem to be very thoughtfull about your feelings right now, does she?

Whatever, it's your life. Live and learn.

I didn't post this to have people suggest I break up with her. It hasn't gotten that bad yet. In her eyes, exes can be friends. I agree, but not this particular ex.

[Yggdrasil]

I told the girl I was taken. And since the girl now knew I was taken, my gf decided that meant that she should now stop contacting me.
EDIT: And, no, that's the only ex that I know she still contacts. But they have conversations that have shit to do with an apartment. That's what irritates me. The conversations should be once every week or two at most and shouldn't be very long at all. He texts her nearly every day.

Ah.. but she (eventhough she is now with you) can contact her ex?

Double standards.

[Yggdrasil]

I didn't post this to have people suggest I break up with her. It hasn't gotten that bad yet. In her eyes, exes can be friends. I agree, but not this particular ex.

I'm not telling you to break up. I am telling you to open your eyes and see what's going on.