Confused and Wasting Time

[allie021]

I have been with my boyfriend a little over 2 years and living with him for about a year as well. He was married once before and his wife cheated on him, they got divorced and they also have a 4 year old daughter from the marriage. When we moved in together, he told me that living with one another would be prelimnary towards marriage. He has never really told me that he "loves me," but he says that he just does not say it often and that he shows his love and affection by his actions. I feel confused about the relationship, he says that we are committed and serious, but he does not treat me that way. Should, I just get out of the whole relationship together or do we both need a break and get our heads clear. I just want to know if we are going in the same direction, because everytime that I ask, he gets aggreviated at me. He does not show emotions, he acts as if he does not care at all, but yet he tells other people and his family that he loves me, but why won't he tell me directly. I want to know if we have a future or am I just for convenience. Please would someone shed some light on my situation. I fell that I am very unhappy and in turn, it seems that it is making him unhappy.

[Cain]

Be more specific. What about the relationship leads you to believe he isn't serious?

[allie021]

Well, he has not really said that he loves me. I want to know that we have a committment and he just does not want me there for convenience to like clean the house and be of good company.

[Cain]

Have a heart to heart talk with him. If he doesn't do well at showing his emotions then don't expect him to... so you're going to have to ask him what you want to know.

[vashti]

How old are both of you? And what actions does he take that supposedly makes you think he loves you?

[allie021]

He is 26 and I am 23. He shows that he cares for me by listening to me, showing little affection at the right moments and being there for me during some roughts moments in my life.

[Nolandanicerguy]

If you were to describe him, what would it be?
1. Is he kind?

2. Is he that way with everyone or just particular people?

3. Does he communicate well with you?

4. Does he have an established goal in his life?

5. Do you feel that his answers are empty when you ask him questions?

6. Does the reason why that is feel the same way?

7. What does he really like to do?

8. Take a good look in his eyes while you are talking with him. What do you see in those eyes emotion?

9. Do you really feel that he loves you?

10. In the same respect, do you really feel you love him?

11. If he is making you unhappy, how is he?

12. How does he make you happy?


13. Do you at all suspect that he could be going out with another?



Answer them to what ever extent you want--short answers or sentances, whatever you feel is good.


by answering these questions yourself, you can show yourself what could be there in the relationship.

Add more questions if you want, yourself.

This is just to get a good jist of the relationship.

[Nolandanicerguy]

Those were just questions thrown out there so you could express the situation better.

Maybe you could learn from yourself? No one is better at looking at whether or not it is a good situation then yourself.
Do what your heart tells you. If your heart is sad, then move on. If he is unhappy for that that is his problem for not treating you in your mind well.

I dont think its cut out for you two, but you do what you think will make you happy.

[vashti]

Ugh. I am not a fan of young girls such as yourself getting involved with men with children. I think it would GREATLY benefit you to move out and move on. You should experience the joy of having your own child before you experience the difficulty of dealing with someone else's.

And even if I didn't feel this way, you say you are unhappy. Obviously this means this relationship is not meeting your needs.

[Nolandanicerguy]

If he is making you unhappy, which by no means is at all wrong for you to feel, then you should divorce.

After all, not all marriages are happy--thats why you can divorce.

And I suggest utilizing this freedom.



Your life is young, you dont disserve to even be in an unhappy relationship for 40 to 60 years more years, whatever your life span is. That would be crule.

I dont think he will ever change either

[TAVS]

I hate that excuse about being unable to tell someone you love them. I hear it all the time but it sounds like a crock of poop to me

[someonelse]

My ex never told me he loved me but tried to show me and would drive me crazy cuz what he considered showing me he loved me was the same for me. I would tell him and he didn't get it. My current bf is a the best of the best men out there. Tells me he loves me/shows me he loves me. Will hug me randomly just cuz he can. Kisses me when walking by just cuz he can. I tell him something bothers me he never does it again and if he ever slips up he appologizes and we move on. Don't waste your time on an unhappy relationship. Before you know it 5 years have passed by and you're still stuck in the same rut having the same problems/arguments (personal experience). This may be a harsh lesson for you both to learn from and find someone that is perfect for you in every way.

[allie021]

After not having much to do with him in the past few weeks, he has finally told me that he really cares for him and most importantly that he loves me with all his heart. He apoligized for that way that he has treated me. This made me feel better about the relationship and also feel that now I know where I stand with him and the relationship iteself and that we do have a future. Thanks