Girlfriends Past, I need help

[JoeKessler]

I am posting here for the first time b/c I just need help with my situation.

I have been dating my girlfriend for nearly 2 years. We started very casually, and I never expected us to make it this far, but we have, and now she keeps on talking about our future together, which includes getting married, having kids, and staying together forever. I love her, and I could see myself with her forever, but there are just some things I can't get over about her past. I know it's in the past, but I can't help the way I feel.

To start she had dated a guy before me, in which she claimed she loved him very much, but had to break-up with him b/c he was going no where in life. I don't mind this people have ex's (including me), but what followed was her feeling that she could do whatever she wanted because she just got out of a long term relationship. I know she went a little crazy because I've seen pics of her at clubs dancing and drinking a lot. Again, I don't mind this, as long as she didn't have any one night stands.

Most of this stuff happened before we started dating for the first time. It was short live, and we didn't have sex, and we ended up breaking up for the summer. After the summer though, we started talking again, and got back together, and have been together ever since.

Now the first thing I've had a problem with the possible one night stands she had before I met her. I don't know if she had any, but I did hear rumors from other people about her. On her behalf all the rumors were either from a group of girls that didn't like her, or this one guy who use to have a crush on her. I know I have no right to be mad at her for that, but I just don't like the thought of her being used for sex.

The second problem occurred towards the end of summer. Almost as soon as we started talking again I heard rumors that one of my friends had a one night stand with her the night before. He never said it was true to me because he just wanted the situation to go away. Every time I asked him about he just said the past is the past and he is never going to talk to her again. This really bothers me because we were talking again, and she could have been with me, but she decided to have sex with my friend instead. It also bothers me, because my mind is haunted with a vivid image of them having sex. My friend has been accused of lying about having sex with girls before, but why would he lie about her. I mean when my girlfriend and I dated for the first time, it was not serious, and he had no idea we started talking again, but still why would he lie about her?

My girlfriend now claims that all rumors are false, and that the only people she has had sex with was her ex and me. I want to believe her, but I can't. There's just too many rumors, and I just can't stand the thought of her having one night stands and lying to me about it. We are fine other than that, but I don't know.

I have so much more to say, but I'll just cut it off here for now. Thank you for reading, and just venting makes me feel better.

[HeartIsAching]

The reason you can't get past it is that you're insecure. You should try to figure out why you're insecure.

As to your GF, her past is her past. Were you a freakin' saint when you met her? If she's given you no cause, you should trust her and move on. If you can't trust her, then you need to split, period. Without trust you've got nothing worth preserving.

I'm starting to think that I sound like a broken record, but I think you should get counseling about your insecurities. Unaddressed insecurities can lead to all sorts of ugliness in a relationship.

[Wakeup]

You have two choices: Break up with her because of your inability to cleanse your mind of her (rumoured) past... or:
Stay with her and put any thoughts of her (rumoured) past out of your mind FOREVER.

You can't stay with her and think like you're thinking... you'll just make the two of you miserable.

[Cerby]

What is really brutal about this thread is you're all worked up over speculation, you don't even know if any of this happened! You're so hooked up on what might have happened you're letting it affect your future.

In short, if you can't get over the past, forget about the future, because there isn't one.

[JoeKessler]

Yep I'm messed up, and yes I've thought about counseling to get over it, because right now I just can't. Thank you for all your input, and advice.

[Deeza07]

if you truly love her, her past is just that - her past. You should love her for who she is now...