Is it too early?

[onalow7]

I split up from my ex girlfriend of 5 and half years 6 months ago, she finished with me, I am 26 and she is now 23, we never parted on bad terms she just decided one day she needed to be on her own, but she still loved me but was'nt in love with me, it was a little out of the blue as she was not long before telling me on holiday how much she fell in love with me again, I am sure there was noone else I think she got scared as she never really new any different, everything was going well for us but I think she got cold feet and could see her life mapped out already. Anyway I was gutted but had to accept it and get on with my life, I tried getting answers for a long time but in the end have just got on with things and had no contact with her for months now, if I just carried on being in contact, it would have given me false hope and also if there was a chance I would have just annoyed her anyway, the only real option I had was to get on with my life and think about myself which is what I have done, she did'nt want me and I was totally committed to her and at the end of the day her loss.

Anyway been having a great time over the last few months, I have got some good mates around me and kept myself busy, I was'nt interested in women for a long time, but once I got back on the scene have been doing very well with the ladies (you never lose it! ha ha). Anyway I have now met a girl and to be honest are together now, I have been a little stand offish and let things go as they go, she knows my whole situation and we are taken things as they come really, I do think she is quite smitten with me and to be honest I get on with her really well too but I am not sure if it is a bit early for me, but at the same time I can't let things just pass me by either. It was my ex birthday a couple of weeks ago and I sent a general message saying happy birthday, anyway she sent a couple of more open replies like it be wierd without me etc etc, with that my mate has told me she has found out I am seeing someone else and has been upset about it, I was worried about her as I can't just get rid of the feelings I have for her but I could'nt just wait in around for her to have her time. I wish it had'nt of come to this, I still care about my ex but should'nt forget she hurt me and I needed to get on with my life, it was her decision not mine, the thing is I keep thinking about her now and even dreaming about her when with my new girl but at the same time know it would'nt be right to go back to her and don't really want to because I would only be insecure anyway.

The girl I am seeing is really cool, I like her alot I just wish I would'nt have these doubts, I don't want to hurt her, any I should'nt let a good thing go, I never would, shame my ex did'nt realise this, any suggestions?

[Fawn]

Even though you may really like this new girl, I don't think you completely got over your ex yet. Maybe you need to take more time for yourself or make this a casual relationship so that you don't have to worry about getting to serious.

[onalow7]

Even though you may really like this new girl, I don't think you completely got over your ex yet. Maybe you need to take more time for yourself or make this a casual relationship so that you don't have to worry about getting to serious.

The thing is when are you really completely over your ex, I spent alot of time with her and it was a good relationship so the feelings will never really go away, and to be honest I do feel alot better these days and did before I even started seeing anyone, so know its not because I am with someone I feel better. I feel like myself alot more and do not have to worry about anyone.

How can you really have a casual relationship with someone though, you either in it or not, and to be honest she does know my situation and is probably a little weary herself, its hard not getting too involved especially when she wants me to meet all her mates her brother etc etc, which I am happy doing, its all part of being with someone, and by the way her parents are minted aswell, lol

[GrkScorp]

I split up from my ex girlfriend of 5 and half years 6 months ago, she finished with me, I am 26 and she is now 23, we never parted on bad terms she just decided one day she needed to be on her own, but she still loved me but was'nt in love with me, it was a little out of the blue as she was not long before telling me on holiday how much she fell in love with me again, I am sure there was noone else I think she got scared as she never really new any different, everything was going well for us but I think she got cold feet and could see her life mapped out already. Anyway I was gutted but had to accept it and get on with my life, I tried getting answers for a long time but in the end have just got on with things and had no contact with her for months now, if I just carried on being in contact, it would have given me false hope and also if there was a chance I would have just annoyed her anyway, the only real option I had was to get on with my life and think about myself which is what I have done, she did'nt want me and I was totally committed to her and at the end of the day her loss.

Anyway been having a great time over the last few months, I have got some good mates around me and kept myself busy, I was'nt interested in women for a long time, but once I got back on the scene have been doing very well with the ladies (you never lose it! ha ha). Anyway I have now met a girl and to be honest are together now, I have been a little stand offish and let things go as they go, she knows my whole situation and we are taken things as they come really, I do think she is quite smitten with me and to be honest I get on with her really well too but I am not sure if it is a bit early for me, but at the same time I can't let things just pass me by either. It was my ex birthday a couple of weeks ago and I sent a general message saying happy birthday, anyway she sent a couple of more open replies like it be wierd without me etc etc, with that my mate has told me she has found out I am seeing someone else and has been upset about it, I was worried about her as I can't just get rid of the feelings I have for her but I could'nt just wait in around for her to have her time. I wish it had'nt of come to this, I still care about my ex but should'nt forget she hurt me and I needed to get on with my life, it was her decision not mine, the thing is I keep thinking about her now and even dreaming about her when with my new girl but at the same time know it would'nt be right to go back to her and don't really want to because I would only be insecure anyway.

The girl I am seeing is really cool, I like her alot I just wish I would'nt have these doubts, I don't want to hurt her, any I should'nt let a good thing go, I never would, shame my ex did'nt realise this, any suggestions?

okay... i just HAVE to ask... if "smitten" an english word... or like an english english word?? caz like.. i never heard that word being used in New York by too many people... i'm guessing it's more of a British word...

[onalow7]

Not sure what they use it for in NewYork, basically in English it means that someone is very into you and likes you alot, basically fallen for you! And if your asking if its an English word then YES, its in English is'nt it, we invented the language! ha

[MrWhite]

HAHAHA Smitten, the act of being smited? HAHAHA

Dude, get your act together as far as getting over your ex. You shouldn't have to expose your new girl to any of this drama. To be honest, I don't think that it is far to her. Basically, I used to be in the same situation as you. My solution, stop talking to my ex for a while, once I got completely into my current girlfriend, then I started talking to my ex again. Problem solved. Point is, don't put yourself in the situation where you're constantly reminded of your ex. Believe me, it doesn't help.

[onalow7]

HAHAHA Smitten, the act of being smited? HAHAHA

Dude, get your act together as far as getting over your ex. You shouldn't have to expose your new girl to any of this drama. To be honest, I don't think that it is far to her. Basically, I used to be in the same situation as you. My solution, stop talking to my ex for a while, once I got completely into my current girlfriend, then I started talking to my ex again. Problem solved. Point is, don't put yourself in the situation where you're constantly reminded of your ex. Believe me, it doesn't help.

Cheers mate, your right I need to get my act together, at the end of the day I have got on with my life and it seems my ex is still in limbo even though she split up with me, so the way forward for me is to stop worrying about shit and just get on with things and see where they lead, at the end of the day anything can happen to us, so we may aswell enjoy whats going on around us at the time!

[clynn]

You seem like a really decent guy and I think that things with your new girlfriend have a lot of potential.

In time the ex will fade away and you will become more invested in the new girl. of course, this will take time.

You were with your girlfriend for a REALLY long time. that is a long time to get over it very quickly. You're doing pretty good, I'd say!

All the best.

[Ellynn]

Yeah you have to let things with your ex go and give things with this other girl a chance.... Taking things slow isn't a bad thing. Sometimes thats best after getting out of a long term relationship.

There is a reason you and your ex split in the first place... You have to remember why it was and at least get out there and give other people a chance. Once you do that.....and honestly get out there and see whats there.....you should have an easier time with deciding what it is you really do want. But the good thing is your honest with the girl your seeing now...and you have to continue to be honest w/ her. Also keep in mind that if by chance things don't work out w/ this girl......then that doesn't mean that you are meant to be with your ex. Only you can decide how you truly feel.......

Sometimes people get so used to being with one another that its harder to get out of a relationship thats not working then to stay in it. So keep that in mind before you make any sudden decisions.