Advice about my husband ?

[iseespots]

Hi. I am at the end of my rope here. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. He has always been moody, a constant white liar and narcisistic, but I love him so I can deal with all of his stupid quirks. We are pretty much each others only friends, we usually have a great sex life (at least once a day) unless he is having one of his pouting episodes, he brags about me, shows me off, and acts like a love struck pup sometimes, we laugh, we play, we go out together, life is good. Anyway, the last 3 or 4 years or so he has just changed, everything will be just like I said, but every couple of months he goes off the deep end for a week to over a month. He lies, he sneaks around, the sends naked pictures of himself to girls, he asks for naked pictures, he chats with other girls, all the while totally ignoring me in every way, he stays out for a day to a week at a time drinking (I have talked to his friends and they say he just lays around their house getting wasted from 7am until 2am every day he's there - which is why they are not his friends anymore) he also can get fairly violent with me during these episodes, he has never actually hit me but he has kicked broken glass in my face, chased me around the house spitting on me, DESTROYED the house etc etc. The episodes are getting closer and lasting longer and I don't know how much more I can stand. Is he severely narcisistic or just an a**? What is going on here? When I ask him why he does these things he said "I don't know, there isn't an answer for everything". I know I have issues for staying with someone who acts like that and I am trying to work through all this...Every woman in my family is in a similar situation so I have no one normal to ask about this.... What should I do? This can't be normal behavior. Thanks

[smackie9]

You fell in love with the wrong guy. He's trying to push you into a divorce. I would give it to him, and you stop being his doormat. If every woman in your family is in the situation, you all follow a very sad sad pattern. You are with men who are abusive and you live with it. Time to break away from this pattern and hopefully the rest of the women in your family will follow suit. You all should know you cannot fix an abusive man. They need to get professional help.

[Dean Kaplan]

Have you considered marital counseling? Since others in your family is in a similar situation, I think you may need to do some discovery to figure out if you may have attracted this type of guy without knowing it. Having a family of women in a similar situation has to be more than mere coincidence. Was your father abusive to your mother?

[iseespots]

My father and brothers are all abusive alcoholics as well...I know that I chose him because of the way I was raised...I chose what was most comfortable...what I was used to...I don't think counseling would help...he has been to anger management and different therapy sessions... his father was/is an abusive drunk too and he is just following suit I guess and there's probably not much I can do about it other than boot him out and let him sit alone for a few months and see what it's like....thanks for the responses

[xxazurexx]

Who gives a shit whether he's a narcisist or not - quit making excuses for his pathetic behaviour and leave the nutcase.

[VincenzoG91]

Leave him, or wait to see if he cuts up your pretty face with broken glass one of these days.

[guitarjeff]

Hate to hear your story and you must be so sad. just want to say to you to be strong and know that everything will work out. Please know you will smile again some day

[Katydid]

I have a male friend that behaved in a similar way before treatment. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I do believe alcoholism is a huge factor here... but with the drastic mood swings he sounds bi-polar as my friend is. The two together are a hellish mix because of the "sweet and kind" days they have that keep you caring about them. I am certainly no expert, but it is something to consider as both are a treatable problems.

The fact that he has injured you in the past, however, is unforgivable and downright life threatening in my book... you need to stay safe and far away from him.

Good Luck!

[Boisdevie]

Get a grip and leave the ****er. Unless you really enjoy complaining.

[iseespots]

Thanks for all (most of lol) the replies. I don't think it really matters if he is bi-polar, schizophrenic, narcissistic, an alcoholic, or just an ass, it is still his choice to continue behaving this way and to choose not to get help. I am tired of this life and the good times are just not worth the bad. I just sent him an "intervention" type email and detailed some of the things he has done in the last 5 years and told him that he needs to get help if he wants to keep his family. I hope he does...but in the end it is his choice, and it is my choice to make my life the way it needs to be and he can fit in to it, or not.... thanks again everyone

[Dean Kaplan]

My pleasure.