A single guy at the bar...

[DonkeyKong]

Here's a question from a newly single dude (me):

I want to start meeting new people and all that, but the problem is I just don't really know how to meet women. I haven't been single my entire adult life so far (I'm 24) and now I am, and I don't know what to do. I was thinking about going out to the bars and trying to meet other people like me who are single on Valentine's Day, but most likely none of my friends will come with me because they're either working late or broke, which is a pretty common occurrence for them. So the question is, if a single lady sees a guy just sitting by himself at a bar, does that make him seem pathetic? I mean how can I make myself seem like an appealing or interesting person if I'm just sitting there by myself?

[Illusional]

hahaha.... this is the reason why i will avoid the bars tonight. vday is a couple's day. unless you're with your friends or you've got a significant other, the air will be filled with love. if you were seen at a bar alone, people might give you some stares, but they'll think that you've got no one or you live a very lonely life. trust me, there won't be a lot of single people out tonight, unless they are regulars at the bar.

raverboy

[DonkeyKong]

Yeah, I was trying to find some "singles night" type stuff I could try going to but I can't find anything that seems appealing at all...

[Curious987]

I am single and can answer this from my perspective: if you want to do the bar thing, make sure its a bar with a tv so it looks like you are there to watch the game...even though your motives are otherwise. Also, you can go with the Bring In A Book/Magazine and order an Appetizer so it looks like you are there to have a snack and wanted the book to be your company...when you spot someone attractive, put the book down and start a conversation. This is not a problem for you!

[OneQuestion]

Hey. Just wanted to give some input. I too am a 25 year old male, that has always been in relationships. Guess where I met all my GF's... At school. I am currently engaged so I don't have your problem, but I can completely see your problem.

First off, let me say, the BAR IS NOT A PLACE you will find a GF quality women. No offense to bar/club goers, but the main people that seem to go there is either couples, or horny single guys who want to get laid. Of course single girls go too, but not many quality girls will be there looking for a boyfriend. Most you will probably find at a bar is a one night stand.

Now you are 24, so like me, you are probably out of school, so that may not be a choice anymore, however, just because you aren't going to school doesn't mean you don't meet people. School was basically just a big social network. All you need is social situations. I know there is the whole thing about not getting involved with someone at work... but seriously, love is more important than a job, so keep your eyes open! Basically just be yourself, and in time you will meet someone, somewhere, that catches your eye. Don't let her get away! Ask her to lunch or something else, don't start by going on a drunken date, like a bar. Go somewhere you can talk and enjoy eachothers company.

You could also try those dating sites. I haven't used them myself, and I am kind of skeptical of them working, however, I do know a few people who have met through them and have great relationships. My dad even used those sites with some luck after my parents were divorced.

[sheenietee]

Different women are attracted to different men. Some women might see it as "pathetic" where as another will find it cute. Don't sit at the bar with a mopey expression on your face, look approachable, look fun, and look natural. You seem like a nice enough guy. Don't try too hard, a good relationship usually surfaces when you aren't actively searching for it.

[MissAnn]

I have met two prior boyfriends in a bar. I have to admit, I am skeptical of guys that hit on me in bars because I always have the stereotype that they are looking for a one night stand. I think sports bars and laid backs pubs are your best bet. Nightclubs, or trendy bars where you can't talk because the music is so loud always seem to be meat markets and are full of either couples, or drunks looking to hook up. What works for me is when guys approach me in a friendly manner. I am more interested when men don't blatantly hit on me but rather just strike up a conversation. Cheesy pickup lines, or immediately commenting on my looks make me write guys off as simply looking for sex. One of my exes started talking to me about the type of beer I was drinking.

[OneQuestion]

Don't try too hard, a good relationship usually surfaces when you aren't actively searching for it.

Yup Yup, very true. This is how ALL mine started. None of them I was 'looking' for. None I met at a bar or club trying to find a girl. All of them were just accuantances that ended up being GF's.