Narcissism or just Spoiled?

[nycdc12]

First time poster that could really use some advice. I've been dating a girl for 6 years, she's 29 and I'm 27. Things seemed fine at first but now it seems as if I am trying to make something work that just won't. First of all, she is very selfish. She has no problem getting on me for petty things all of the time, but yet any time I have a complaint about her, I'm just whining and wasting her time. This frustrates me to no end. It's all about her and that's it.

Secondly, there is no passion or emotion in the relationship. She says that she's not an intimate person by nature. This is really confusing considering the fact that she talks about me proposing to her and getting the show on the road. Honestly, at first I really considered it, but as time as passed, I cannot see myself doing it unless she changes. I've told her this but she says that it's all in my head.

Third, she doesn't like any of my friends. There is no reason for her basis, she just doesn't like them. I get on her all the time about this and tell her that I have never said anything like that to her about her friends. I know it's her little way of trying to control me, but I will not back down and just disown them like she wants.

Lastly, we don't have sex due to her religious beliefs. She is a Christian that doesn't drink, curse, or watch R-rated movies. I get on her about saying she's a Christian but yet completely ignores any of my feelings or emotions. I'm not going to lie, not having sex is tough, but I respect her beliefs and will not push her to do something she doesn't feel is right outside of marriage. But it's getting very tough to justify wasting away my twenties for something that is so selfish and self-consumed.

My question to you all is if this sounds like a case of narcissism or is she just a spoiled brat? I did some research online about narcissism and she fits the bill in many of the categories, but I don't want to rush and drop a label that easily. Have you all dealt with some that has this personality disorder before? If so, any advice and suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!

[vashti]

who cares about her "personality disorder"? Why are you staying with someone you don't seem to even like?

[CocoChanel]

Her ignoring your feelings make her less of Christian in your eyes? LOL! Funny!!

You don't like her it seems. And you seem to want to have sex and do things your way anyway. Why not split?

[nycdc12]

I know it's crazy but I do love her and want to make it work. I've tried walking away and forgetting her, but it's not that easy for me. I have this small hope that she's wake up and see the error of her ways and see things from my perspective.

[bloodtippedrose]

religion complicates everything over nothing

[nycdc12]

religion complicates everything over nothing

Truer words have never been spoken.

[NBT]

Honestly, does it REALLY matter whether she's "narcissistic" or "spoiled rotten"?

Either WAY, you guys CLEARLY won't LAST. (Not to be a dick, but you won't, man.)

So WHY prolong the inevitable?

I get that you don't want it to be "six years wasted", but if you do this for 3 more years it'll just be "NINE years wasted."

Cut your losses, dude. This chick isn't gonna change, as long as she's COMFORTABLE. And with you not GOING anywhere, TRUST me, she's COMFORTABLE.

[nycdc12]

Honestly, does it REALLY matter whether she's "narcissistic" or "spoiled rotten"?

Either WAY, you guys CLEARLY won't LAST. (Not to be a dick, but you won't, man.)

So WHY prolong the inevitable?

I get that you don't want it to be "six years wasted", but if you do this for 3 more years it'll just be "NINE years wasted."

Cut your losses, dude. This chick isn't gonna change, as long as she's COMFORTABLE. And with you not GOING anywhere, TRUST me, she's COMFORTABLE.

You're right bro, I guess I have to accept it and move it. It's just really tough after all those years I've given it. But like you said, better 6 years than 9. No worries about being a dick, I know what I need to do and need to stop messin around and just do it. Thanks for the advice man.

[raseel]

يعطيك العافية ع الموضوع الرائع

[ecojeanne]

spoilt? isn't that the definition of narcissism? anyway it doesn't sound like she is anything other than someone you don't get along with. you didn't give me any reason to think that she is a narcissist. it just sounds like you aren't all that into her if she ain't givin' you some. if she was givin you some would you think otherwise? you sound like a frustrated teenager to be honest.

[IndiReloaded]

No sex, no fun and a bitch. Yes, this sounds like something that will definitely get better with marriage.

Tho, if you subscribe to the adage "Don't get married. Find a woman you hate & give her your house", then you might be on to something.

[nycdc12]

spoilt? isn't that the definition of narcissism? anyway it doesn't sound like she is anything other than someone you don't get along with. you didn't give me any reason to think that she is a narcissist. it just sounds like you aren't all that into her if she ain't givin' you some. if she was givin you some would you think otherwise? you sound like a frustrated teenager to be honest.

Quite the opposite. I'm not into her because she's not giving me some?? Those are her wishes and I respect that, I am not going to ask her to change her beliefs about something so important just to make me happy. I wouldn't have stayed faithful to her for six years if I was so worried about not getting any. However, I do have an issue when it seems as if I am the only one giving in this relationship. It's no fun when you're constantly under attack for nothing and have to deal with pleasing someone who doesn't even acknowledge your feelings or emotions. I don't think a teenager would be mature enough to put up with it and try to work things out. And the reason I say that I believe that she's a narcissist is the fact that everything revolves around her. She doesn't like my friends, she constantly tries to get me to stop talking to them, she has the temper from hell, the only thing that matters to her is herself and the things she likes. Any time I try telling her about it she blows if off and says that I am wasting her time. Are those enough examples for you?

[ecojeanne]

well what the fck is your mental problem? most normal people would leave. end of. you are trying to say that you are the sane one......ya

[nycdc12]

well what the fck is your mental problem? most normal people would leave. end of. you are trying to say that you are the sane one......ya

What is your problem? If you don't like what I posted on here then don't reply. But don't come on here, make light of my problem, and then call me mental for voicing it. If you don't agree then that fine, but you have no right calling me out for posting something on a MESSAGE BOARD. Last time I checked, that's what this thing is here for. Now if you have something positive to offer than say it, if not, don't read the thread.

[ecojeanne]

yea fine but the problem is you can't just diagnose someone with a personality disorder and think you are automatically right. i sense bullshit. i'm allowed to say this and you're allowed to ignore this. end of