My Girlfriend went back to her abusive ex

[Lonely Island]

I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 months and I really thought this girl was the one for me. She had told me that her ex boyfriend would always treat her like shit and beat the hell out of her (He even pushed her down a flight of stairs).She finally broke up with him because she found out that he was cheating on her.

Over a year later, he meets up with her and says that his new girl broke up with him (wonder why). He told her that he loved her and wanted to get back together. She said no so he cused her out and left...Couple of days later, she said he was following her around...she got scared and said she was going to move to another apartment so he can leave her alone.....since then, I have not heard from her...so I called her up, she didnt answer ....then she sent me a text that said she has got back together with her ex.

I couldnt believe it...I was in shock.....after ALL i did for her, she stabbed me in the back...

I tried calling her to see why she did this...she didnt answer....a few minutes later she sent me a text saying to stop calling her because she was afraid her ex was going to beat her...


Im still in disbelief that she has done this to me.....Im just lost in a whirlpool and I dont know what to do.

[GemStar]

I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 months and I really thought this girl was the one for me. She had told me that her ex boyfriend would always treat her like shit and beat the hell out of her (He even pushed her down a flight of stairs).She finally broke up with him because she found out that he was cheating on her.

Over a year later, he meets up with her and says that his new girl broke up with him (wonder why). He told her that he loved her and wanted to get back together. She said no so he cused her out and left...Couple of days later, she said he was following her around...she got scared and said she was going to move to another apartment so he can leave her alone.....since then, I have not heard from her...so I called her up, she didnt answer ....then she sent me a text that said she has got back together with her ex.

I couldnt believe it...I was in shock.....after ALL i did for her, she stabbed me in the back...

I tried calling her to see why she did this...she didnt answer....a few minutes later she sent me a text saying to stop calling her because she was afraid her ex was going to beat her...


Im still in disbelief that she has done this to me.....Im just lost in a whirlpool and I dont know what to do.

Well... (sighs)... I have direct experience with someone very much like this. It wasn't someone I dated, but was a friend/co-worker. You'll have to try to understand the mentality of a person like that. It is really wierd... It was the exact same thing with this acquaintance of mine. She would get beat up every two weeks; You could almost mark it on a calendar when the next time would be. But despite all of our urgings, she would always get back with her BF and not call the police.

I guess it's some type of deep-rooted issue of broken trust as a child or something which causes a person to act like this. I was never able to talk any sense into this person I knew despite trying many times. She also had other psychological problems and revealed that she had been a severe drug addict amongst other things.

I'm not sure what the advice is... I'm pretty good with psychology and stuff and almost always have an answer but that type of person baffles even me. I know it is a unresolved trauma from the distant past which causes the behavior. Probably something only a psychiatrist could root out. Good luck with it. If you honestly think she is super-important to you, don't give up. But also, don't let someone hurt you to a point where it is not good for you.

[Cbrider]

Maybe he will beat some sense into her.

[misombra]

next time you get with a girl like that, you need to kick their ass once in a while. tell her if she cheats on you she's gonna get it really bad.

[Aeradalia]

How to help someone in an abusive relationship:

[url]http://www.letswrap.com/general/how2help.htm[/url]

Why women stay:

[url]http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/whystay.htm[/url]


You can try to help her if you want... but it would be a long process and have practically no guarantees...

[carl1222]

I will give you one great piece of advice, lonely.

Mother Nature f**ks with us all the time.

Her ex may be the worst boyfriend ever. He may beat her, he may cheat on her, he may ignore her, he may abuse her. But her heart is attached to him, and if he wants her back, she will follow. He wins!

You may be a great boyfriend, do everything right ... treat her with respect, be compatible ... you may listen to her problems, you may show her affection, you may do many things for her. But if her heart is attached to him ... He wins anyway!

NEVER EVER get into a relationship with a girl with unresolved feelings for an ex.

Advice? Dump her tomorrow!

Carl.

[Cbrider]

I will give you one great piece of advice, lonely.

Mother Nature f**ks with us all the time.

Her ex may be the worst boyfriend ever. He may beat her, he may cheat on her, he may ignore her, he may abuse her. But her heart is attached to him, and if he wants her back, she will follow. He wins!

You may be a great boyfriend, do everything right ... treat her with respect, be compatible ... you may listen to her problems, you may show her affection, you may do many things for her. But if her heart is attached to him ... He wins anyway!

NEVER EVER get into a relationship with a girl with unresolved feelings for an ex.

Advice? Dump her tomorrow!

Carl.

After you read Carl's above post read this:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/26633-description-shining-knight-syndrome.html[/url]

I have been in the "help the helpless girl" position before. Theres one piece of criteria that must be met 100% before anything can happen and that is the person who needs help must WANT the help and WANT to change. If he/she doesn't want to, an act of god wont change them.

[Lonely Island]

Well, its been bout a week and I havent heard a word from her...she works at the same place I work and It seems she has quit the job because her name is no longer on the schedule...

I also saw that her myspace status says "I Love My Husband"

So im guessing that he has asked her to marry him...even though they were once engaged before...

So I pretty much give up...he has her now and there is no possible way I can get her back

Im moving on...

A lonely island...until I find "Her"

[Lonely Island]

Well, its been almost a month...

She texted me the other day and told me that I was right all along...I didnt respond...

Then she came to where I worked the last two days and tried to get my attention.....I ignored her


Then I finally told her that if she wanted to talk to me, then she would have to talk to me in person...

So we had a long talk and I completely put her on blast.....I made her cry with everything that I said

We finally came to an agreement and decided to get back together

I feel that this relationship has potential and has a future

I can only wait and see what happens

[Naples]

hope it works out this time.

[alovehangoverr]

Well, its been almost a month...

She texted me the other day and told me that I was right all along...I didnt respond...

Then she came to where I worked the last two days and tried to get my attention.....I ignored her


Then I finally told her that if she wanted to talk to me, then she would have to talk to me in person...

So we had a long talk and I completely put her on blast.....I made her cry with everything that I said

We finally came to an agreement and decided to get back together

I feel that this relationship has potential and has a future

I can only wait and see what happens

Good luck-- and be careful this time.

Are you sure her ex is entirely out of the picture this time? Or did they just have a falling out and he's going to come crawling back and win her over again?

Is your gf getting any help with dealing with the abuse and trying to understand why she's allowed it to happen?

[Lonely Island]

She said that her ex is a psycho and she was afraid he was going to hurt her nieces and nephews that she lives with...so she got back with him because she was scared...(I just want this dude to come around me, cuz imma wire his jaw shut)

She said that he beat her ass and she left him the first week...she said she chilled for a couple of weeks after that, and then decided to come talk to me.

She said that she thought I was too good to be true because I was the best boyfriend she has ever had...so she got discouraged thinking that I would eventually screw her over and leave....

But if she pulls this again, then its over for good

Fool me once, Shame on you.....Fool me twice, shame on me

[bluesummer]

Make sure you set very clear boundaries for her.

She contacts this guy again, you're done.

[Illusional]

here's a tip.. let the dumb ones remain dumb if they are unwilling to change. try as you might, but you probably won't chance their will because they won't want to change in the first place.

raverboy

[Mish]

See you back in a near future when the two of you break up again