Originally Posted by
Kirkland
My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, but she refuses to have sex before marriage. I’ve told her this was fine, I’m not about to pressure her into doing something that she doesn’t want to do, but at the same time she makes these sexual advances that are just killing me. When we first started dating she wasn’t really into me at all. She says I’m an extrovert and I would always draw unwanted attention to her, but even while alone in the privacy of her apartment she wouldn’t stand for kissing all. For the first 3 months of our relationship she gave me maybe 3 or 4 kisses, only because I had tried so many times on multiple occasions that I had thought were ideal romantic kiss-worthy moments. I would lean in and go to plant one on this girl of mine, with beautiful eyes and luscious lips, and then she’d turn to where I’d either get her cheek, or worse, just pull away completely leaving me surprised and embarrassed. Later on she flipped 180 degrees and really started participating in the relationship. I was so happy but also so very confused as to what had changed.
We’re both college students, poor college students at that, but I never felt that love had a monetary requirement. Working my day job wasn’t enough for our dates, so secretly I would donate plasma every week just to get enough date money to show her a good time. I couldn’t tell her that her outback steak house dinner she hated or movie ticket were all paid for and sponsored by my body. I’m squeamish as is, so doing that gave me a hard enough time psychologically, not to mention the stress of always worrying that she would find out, wearing a long sleeve shirt on hot days, hoping she wouldn’t find puncture holes in my arms and think I was some sort of weirdo heroin addict. Thanks to the economy I lost my job, so any money I make now goes to bills and school. We don’t go on dates a whole lot these days. I mean, I never expected her to pay for a date, and apparently neither did she.
Let me get back on track though, I’m treating this like a calculus equation, so bear with me. We don’t have sex. We have fooled around before, meaning other things like making out and… as crude as this can sound, hand jobs and I guess the female equivalent. I’ve also gone down on her before, but she didn’t seem to like it much. I’m inexperienced, so whatever. I suppose I’m no good at that yet.
She’s told me that she wants to wait until she’s married to have sex, when she’ll give her virginity to her husband. I’ve told her that’s fine, I’m a virgin too but I’d be giving it up for love not marriage, but I wouldn’t ever pressure her into anything. She’s always teasing me though, and I find it hard to separate myself from that physical aspect. It’s like she wants me to become aroused just to see me squirm, and I hate it. I feel like she’s playing some sick game of strategy to get me to marry her, just for the sexual release. I’ve told her multiple times “hey, it’s cool if you want to wait for marriage to have sex, but I am not getting married just to have sex. That’s a horrible reason to get married.” Now we’re not even doing what we’ve done before, and again she doesn’t like to kiss. I used to have these never ending romantic thoughts of her, an infatuation if you will, she could do no wrong. I could do no wrong. Now she’s always mad at me whenever I come over and complains it’s because she misses me so much when I’m not there, but she doesn’t like to be touched or hugged or anything. So when I’m away from her she needs me, she fantasizes about sex and dirty things, texting me all the time these scenarios that get me thinking bad things, and then when I arrive and I want to embrace her she’s just the opposite. I don’t know what to do. Every time I talk to her about it she just gets upset and even more irritable. Its’ like walking on eggshells whenever I’m around her.