I'm so incredibly torn...

[Satchmo]

Hello all, i just found this place this morning...this is killing me.

I started seeing this girl in October of '03. For the first few months it wasn't too serious, but around january we got really serious. We had problems here and there, a bit too many honestly, but we were always still together. Well, one night i walk in on her on another guy (not naked or anything, kissing though). I flip (i was in love with her by this point, and she said she was in love with me). I ask her why, and she said her friend said i was cheating on her right then...i explain how impossible it was and how i can't believe is was the dumb to A. believe her friend about that and B. do something like that without even finding out from me if it was true...

I took it really rough, i was in love with her and i was 100% open with her and vulnerable to her...i NEVER thought she'd lie or cheat on me. Well, i tell her i want to trust her again, but she has to want that and work for it hard. She cries a lot and says she does.

Fast forward a while, we are both busy, but i still feel like she isn't trying very hard. We get in a lot of fights, b/c she doesn't seem to want to try, but doesn't want me gone.

I found out in early May that she had been cheating on me since late February, went down on and pretty much had sex with this guy (this is all while we had sex with no protection [she is on birth control and we were supposedly only with eachother] and dated, and told eachother we loved eachother). Then she started actually dating this other guy (the guy i caught her with).

Anyways, lots of pain. After a couple weeks, i want to see her to just basically round things out and say some things...bad idea, i still love her and tell her i can give her a chance (she tells me a lot about how she has changed).

We dated a little on and off for a month or so, there were problems and all, broke up again then. She started sleeping with (don't ask how i know) the guy she cheated on me with...destroyed me again...in pain i randomly hook up with 4 girls in fairly quick succession...another bad choice.

Anyways, after some shit, we finally get back together...still love eachother. We've been solidly dating, no real fights, all pretty much happy for 3 months.

Now though, i'm still having problems. One of the 2 guys she cheated on me with (the one she was closer to) is back in her life, after i said that was a condition of me being back with her (both of them outta her life), but it was b/c his mom died and she wanted to be there for him. I fought with that for a while, but finally just told myself i'd deal with it...

Now this is present time. We spend a lot of time together (pretty much all of her free time), and we get along great. But i still have horrible feelings pop back up in me. Sometimes when i see a picture of her and one of those guys, i get the feeling like i want to dump her b/c thats what she deserves after what she did to me. Then other times i'm HORRIBLY jealous (but i don't let her know too much, i am able to keep it in)...and that comes from her trying to make me jealous last year.

I love her SO much. Holding her really is the best feeling i've ever had in my life, and i really will do anything for her (and have been recently, she's been very sick). But i have those feelings that pop up, the jealousy, and the pain.

I thought i had dealt with the pain of what happened last year...but i dunno, i think the guy that is in her life again, that wound isn't healed...

I don't know what to do, i love her SO much, which is how i'm still with her. She really means everything to me, and i get along better with her than i have anyone in my life. But there is still pain sometimes...especially with that one guy.

Since she is sick, i can't talk to her about this right now...but i'm so torn. Its painful to be with her sometimes (won't i get over those things eventually? I've gotten over some already...), but i feel like the pain would be sooooo horrible without her...i love her so much.


I'm so lost...

[schueys_girl]

hiya mate, i know the feeling of worry and anxiety over a partner, if you havent read my current threads, my ex finished with me in feb, quite suddenly, i was gutted, but got on with my life, then in July we ended up back together and since then ive been fighting the feelings of worry about him suddenly finishing with me again.

The advice ive gotten from others on this board has helped me incredibly. I know your situation is somewhat different to mine, but there are still the similar feelings of pain, anxiety and hurt.

Ive found that ensuring that you have your own space to do your own things a few times a week really helps, it boosts your self confidence dramatically. Go out with friends, go to the gym, play football or pool, go the pub, anything that you like doing that makes you YOU. This way you wont feel so reliant on her, spending all your and her free time with, and you wont feel so lost because you will know who you ultimatly are on you own.

This will also help because then i think your gf might actually have the chance to miss you when you arent there and will appreciate you more when you see her the remaining 4 nights a week. You wont be so avaliable to her.

I know ultimately it doesnt really take away the actual hurt, but it does release the anxiety and remind you of who you are, and that if you actually did split up again, you wouldnt have to start from scratch again, you would have the foundations set with going out with your friends and your hobbies to throw yourself into.

Hope this helps mate, my 2 cents -x-

[Satchmo]

Actually that does help some with the anxiety...She has been really sick recently, so i've been around her as much as possible to take care of her. But when she is better i deffinitely need to focus on myself more...

thanks.

[schueys_girl]

i think its just about learning that if you spend time apart from someone you love they will still be there the next day, week or month if they love you as well

[Junket]

Well, in any case, I'm gonna go take a shower.

[ltj5253]

listen bro. you made mistake one by taking her back after she cheated on you the first time. then you kept coming back to her like a little dog. seriously there are a billion women out there, and the second my women would cheat on me shed be out that door. i wouldnt tolerate that crap whatsoever. i wouldnt even think for one second if the bitch was cheating on me if i would take her back.

[ltj5253]

is your name anthony?

[Junket]

is your name anthony?

Who me? (adds extra characters cause apparently "who me?" wasn't long enough to post)